Do you have a toddler who hits you?

**ms sweetcheeks** · 31-12-2007, 09:38pm

Theo has started doing this- A LOT!!!

I even know when he is going to do it, he gets this look on his face, runs over to me and hits me on my leg.

It is usually if he is playing with something, and he gets frustrated with it, he then pushes it or throws it, runs over and hits me

But today, we were eating late lunch out, and he was SO tired (no excuse but still) and everything caused him to hit me,
and he did it over and over and over again.

Everytime I said "NO, you DO NOT hit" etc, and placed him away from us, he'd then cry for 5 mins,
and then say "sorry" and then come and hit me again

He did it on/off for 45 mins, and it is so embarrasing as I look like I have NO control over my child, as I am there hissing "NO THEO" through gritted teeth, and then he lashes out again!...

Eventually, I picked him up and cuddled him tightly and stroked his back and he just sat there with me for ages, and I feel like he is definately hitting me to get attention

I just don't knwo what to do.

Have just read some articles on the subject- (BTW- he doesn't hit anyone else at all...)

In the articles it suggests shoWing the toddler different things like stroking and we HAVE done that, and some days it's almost like he hits me so he can stroke me afterwards

I just loose my cool completely and feel so wound up inside that I feel like hitting him back (I wouldn't btw)..

Whilst he was doing this today, I - after the 10th time or so- grabbed his arm really tightly, and said "NO" but then felt so guilty, as I was almost harming my beautiful little baby.

Am I doing something wrong, and what can I do to make him stop??

**goldilocks** · 31-12-2007, 10:03pm

Its so hard but it will pass.

I think you're doing the right thing. Emma hits me sometimes and I tell her that hitting hurts mummy and that we use our arm for cuddling instead and hug her. It does seem to help.

Its just a case of doing what you can to distract/calm him and riding it through I'm afraid. Its always the mummies that get the brunt of it and I think its because they know that we are the one person they can show their true feelings too. Unfortunatley learning to cope with frustration and manage it is a hard process, especially for a tiny tot

**Tekkencat** · 31-12-2007, 10:03pm

its horrible isnt it - Carter is a gem but he has started to do this soooo much its upsetting - i know he doesnt do it at nursary and he has no reason to do it at home (ie his bro and sis dont act like that)

He is having alot of time outs at the mo - but they arent really doing much and like you say with Theo - carter hugs and says sorry

Not much help there Mrs SC but i wanted you to know you arent alone

**ms sweetcheeks** · 31-12-2007, 10:08pm

Thank you girls.

Yes I know that by the book it is normal, but it is still upsetting that your child looks so angry/frustrated and cannot express any other way than hitting his/her mummy

I am just reading a load of posts by different mothers on somewhere called berkeley Parents Network, and there's some good advice, and so many parents in the same boat..

**Miss Frosty** · 31-12-2007, 10:12pm

Firstly

as I found it one of the hardest things to deal with tbh.

Blair only did it for a short spell but OMG it was hard going and many a day I would be in tears about it.

I am keeping my fingers crossed that Robbie never gets there though, as he is alot more laid back than Blair and things generally wash over him

.

**Anne** · 31-12-2007, 10:22pm

We are having this as well, with pinching too. Mainly when he is tired but god does it hurt

I can feel myself getting really cross and have to put him down or away from me, so I know how you feel

It is a phase which does pass but be consistent, dont give him attention when he hits you, put him away and say Mummy doesnt want you when you hit me and shake your head and do some

And keep doing it. They get the message when you wont have them near you. It will bring on tears but this was the quickest way to get the message across.

The joys of parenting

Ps Its only aimed at me too!

**Angel** · 01-01-2008, 10:14am

We had it too and still get it occasionally now when he's very tired.

It does pass but it's so very hard, especially when it happens out of the house.

My only advice is to keep reinforcing that its wrong etc and not to let him get too tired. While I agree with you, it's no excuse - it's part of the frustration thing IYSWIM.

**frog** · 01-01-2008, 10:19am

Struan has been going through this phase though *touch wood* it seems to be passing.

When he does it to me I crouch down so I'm at his eye level, hold his hands in mine gently but firmly and quietly just say 'no, you do not hit people Struan, it's not nice'. Sometimes he giggles, to which I just repeat it and then he goes all serious looking and gives me a hug/kiss.

It is horrible to deal with but it will pass (I hope, that's what I tell myself about everything that's a bit grim!)

**Rosa** · 01-01-2008, 11:51am

No advice but just to say we have the same thing here, and I deal with it the same way you do (and it doesn't work for me either

)

Red xx

**ChelseaHarvey** · 01-01-2008, 12:19pm

Yes alfie did this around T's age & the phase passed. I just kept telling him it wasnt nice & everytime he did it id pick him up & put him somewhere away from me, he like T said sorry then did it again alot of the time.