age-gaps and the effect it has?

**Peridot** · 22-11-2007, 08:30pm

Okay - I know this has been done a million times over so hope you don't mind me doing it again!

What are the age gaps between your LO's and what would you say are the pro's & cons?
Every time I think about another one I feel so desparately guilty to Thomas!!

**goldilocks** · 22-11-2007, 08:33pm

6 yrs between my 2 and it works brilliantly

Charlie is big enough to understand that Emma needs more immediate attention, is able to help out, and is uber useful at helping keep her occupied

Emma adores her big sis, and because she wants to copy her all the time is developing really quickly.

Plus of course in 6yrs time I have a free babysitter

**frog** · 22-11-2007, 08:35pm

I think every age gap has good points and bad points so just do it when you're ready.

As you know I have an age gap of about 5 minutes

and the downside is that it's bloody hard work for the first 6 months (I imagine any age gap would be though) and that I feel Struan didn't get enough time with us all to himself.

The positives are that they are so in love with each other

they just think the world of each other and are so close. When they're older they will be able to go to the same films, exhibitions, parties etc and be on the same-ish level. Oh and I will be nappy-free and sleeping all night when the rest of you March '06 mums are up with screaming newborns

**Tekkencat** · 22-11-2007, 08:36pm

My eldest is 9 yrs I have a stepson who is almost 5 yrs and my youngest is 20 months and its great it really is - they all get on (almost ALL the time) and love each other to bits

**noddy** · 22-11-2007, 08:43pm

Originally Posted by frog

Oh and I will be nappy-free and sleeping all night when the rest of you March '06 mums are up with screaming newborns

Not me, mate! I'm done with mine!

There is almost exactly 3 years between Henry and Betty and although I can see the attraction of getting all the 'pain' out of the way in a few years, I think this gap was the best one for us. Henry was old enough that I was able to chat with him when I was dealing with Betty when she was tiny, without needing to be there physically for him all the time, IYSWIM. He was also very helpful with things like getting nappies/the telephone/chocolate

when I needed it. He also understood when I told him he had to be a bit quieter when Betty was napping.

They absolutely adore each other - Henry wakes before Betty in the mornings and insists of waiting to have his beaker of milk until she's downstairs and having hers too. And when we pick Henry up from school she sits outside the door shouting his name until he appears

I was the youngest of four, there were three years between the first three then almost another five years until I came along. I always felt a little out of it as the others seemed so much older than me, but my brother, who was the younger of the other three, said he felt the same growing up, so I think some of it is down to the individual kids rather than the age gap.

Noddy

**Peridot** · 22-11-2007, 08:52pm

Yeh right Frog - you'll be broody again before long

Its good to hear that you all have such different age gaps but all really positive about them

Noddy - do you think Henry resented you or Betty at all, or did he just get used to it quite quickly?

**Angel** · 22-11-2007, 08:53pm

We have a 4 and a bit year age gap and it works fine IMO for the reasons that Goldilocks said.

It is damm hard work at the moment though as he is old enough to really kick off

. We are having major behavioural issues !

**Angel** · 22-11-2007, 08:54pm

Originally Posted by noddy

He also understood when I told him he had to be a bit quieter when Betty was napping

I'm impressed ! Alex is still learning this, he's woken Jacob up more times than I care to remember

**frog** · 22-11-2007, 09:00pm

I wanted to send a

about the feeling guilty for Thomas losing him-time. If Catherine hadn't come along so quickly I think I would still be umming and ahhing for the same reason. In a way I think it's like having your first, there's no perfect time you've just got to get on with it!

And broody? NO!!!! My coil's good for 5 years yet!

Though maybe one day

**Peridot** · 22-11-2007, 09:26pm

Originally Posted by frog

I wanted to send a

about the feeling guilty for Thomas losing him-time. If Catherine hadn't come along so quickly I think I would still be umming and ahhing for the same reason. In a way I think it's like having your first, there's no perfect time you've just got to get on with it!

And broody? NO!!!! My coil's good for 5 years yet!

Though maybe one day

Thanks guys and thanks Frog

I think you're right - there's never a perfect time is there! Its strange because I really didn't um and arrr quite do much about getting pg with T & I think that made it so much easier! Things just fit into place - don't they!

**noddy** · 22-11-2007, 09:37pm

Originally Posted by Peridot

Noddy - do you think Henry resented you or Betty at all, or did he just get used to it quite quickly?

He was funny with me the evening I came back from hospital - he wouldn't acknowledge me at all - but apart from that he was fine from the start. I think he was just fascinated with her TBH.

Noddy

**Peridot** · 22-11-2007, 09:49pm

Originally Posted by noddy

He was funny with me the evening I came back from hospital - he wouldn't acknowledge me at all - but apart from that he was fine from the start. I think he was just fascinated with her TBH.

Noddy

Thomas was a bit like this with me when I came back from a girls weekend away and it was heart-breaking!
I guess I'm just imagining that he'll be like this for months because he'll just be so upset with me

**frog** · 22-11-2007, 10:04pm

Originally Posted by Peridot

I guess I'm just imagining that he'll be like this for months because he'll just be so upset with me

They don't have the attention span to keep it up that long!

Plus he's a man, feed him something nice and he'll forget

I understand what you mean, i feel that way about a third as if it would be pushing Struan further out somehow and making him just The Big Brother rather than my little man.

Like Noddy says, they get so fascinated with this new little thing in their house that Where Mummy Went is way down the list of things to think about

**Mrs Chu** · 22-11-2007, 10:08pm

Its so nice to hear lots of postiives about larger age gaps- we are looking at at least a 4 year age gap - not through choice and I have been begining to worry alot about this even to the point of considering giving up TTC no 2.

**Daisy66** · 22-11-2007, 10:21pm

Originally Posted by Mrs Chu

and I have been begining to worry alot about this even to the point of considering giving up TTC no 2.

See, for every one person who comes along saying their particular age gap was great, there will be another 10 who are adamant their age gap was just perfect. Each one has its good and bad points, so don't let that put you off!

For me (with 2 yrs, 5 mnths between them), the main problems were early on - Hannah gave up her daytime nap just before Arun was born, and decided to be potty trained not long after he came along. Oh, and she decided to start getting up at 5am just after Arun was born, which when you've been up at all hours with a newborn, is just

But it's been great since then. And everyone, regardless of the gap, seems to say the same. Just consider that the first few months (well newborns ARE hard work) will be hard, and then everything after that is easy

Just go for it!
Daisy

**Peridot** · 22-11-2007, 10:59pm

Originally Posted by frog

They don't have the attention span to keep it up that long!

Plus he's a man, feed him something nice and he'll forget

so true!

**purple** · 23-11-2007, 06:13am

Due to a combination of divorce and M/Cs, there are 16 3/4 YEARS between my two. I thought it would be like having two only children, but it isn't. Although the eldest, now 22, lives away from home, he and DD (now nearly 6) have the most amazing relationship. And it was obvious when she was a baby that DD knew DS was someone special, how I don't know, but she reserved a special smile just for him, and its the same now.

Life got in the way of my perfect age gap choice, but I'd still say the 16+ years is good!

Cheers,

P

**Stephi103** · 23-11-2007, 08:26am

Another one that is glad the larger age gap does have some plus points!

Were planning to start TTC when Tyler goes to proper school so would make him at least 5 when the baby arrived, but this could all change due to money and may be longer.

I cannot wait though!!!

**VivB** · 23-11-2007, 02:45pm

I have 5 children ,DD1 is 20(nearly 21!!) ,DS1 is 13 (nearly 14) DS2 is 9, DD2 is 4(nearly 5) and DD3 was 2 on wednesday so my gaps are 7+ years ,3.5yrs ,3.5yrs ,and 2yr 9 mths .

In between my 1st two my mum had 2 children so it never seemed like there was a big gap between them especially as my little sister lived with me for nearly 2 years until DS1 was born.

I have always wanted to have 2 close together, say within 12/18mths but the circumstances never happened.
Each age gap has its own problems and good points.The worst thing at the moment is having DD1 who likes to come in drunk in the early hours and wakes everyone up and DS1 is hormonal and has short fuse .The other 3 I can live with no problems (although DS2's problems are getting me down but they cant be helped!!)I do think that if things had been different I would have had them all one after the other and now I would be free(ish) to do as I like .Although I dont want anymore, I am feeling sad that DD3 is my last baby but I have been doing this for a long time now and I need a change

Viv xx