Mums of two or more - feeling torn...

[Minky]

Just wondering how you cope with this.

Today I had two crying girlies, one because she needed to go to bed, and FAST and the other because she'd fallen and skinned her knee 10 mins ago and I didn't wait for her on the stairs on the way to put Bibi to bed.

How do you prioritise who gets your attention? At the moment I'm giving it first to Bibi as she doesn't understand (and I'm a slave to her routine ) and I tend to think that *usually* Lulah can wait (though obviously not the day she ran into the washing line pole ).

I just felt really torn and it has really brought home to me how neither of them is going to get the attention they individually deserve.

How do you approach it?

Minky x

[DietCoke]

When Grace was tiny, like Bibi, I used to prioritise Ruben first as if I didn't he'd crank it up a notch. Because G didn't understand, I figured she could wait a few extra minutes.

Now she's 17 months and VERY demanding, she prob gets the first dibs on my attention as Ruben is much more patient now.

[Abbie]

I've struggled with this, although it's got better the old the girls have got. It's horrible and I felt really torn.

I gave my attention to whoever needed it most urgently, or whoever could be dealt with quickly before sorting out the other one.

If Grace wanted feeding and Ellie wanted a drink, Ellie got my attention first as it was something quick and simple if you see what I mean.

Looking back I think Ellie got the bum deal, as a lot of the time I'd make her hang on for a few seconds as she was old enough to understand that I would be back as soon as I could.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do and you just have to get on with sorting them out one at a time, ignoring the crying

I just made sure that Ellie got plenty of cuddles and attention when I could give them to her when her sister was napping or something.

[smiley]

I always used to prioritise J if he was hurt or really needed me. If it was a winge, he had to wait. And L was a newborn and had NO idea what was going on. However, if it was quick (like going to bed) I used to do him 1st as then he was out of the way !


Now it is more 50/50 as L understands more. Also it is good that J learned to wait when L was tiny, as it prepares him for all the sharing ahead....

HTH

s xxx

[Amelya]

I remember this problem early on and my HV advised that I see to the older one first - partly to try to avoid excessive jealousy (they have been used to getting your attention immediately up until now) and partly because it's usually a fairly quick solution to solve the problem. I have to say it did seem to work - particularly as sometimes little ones just cry for no real reason and tend to take a good while to settle.

[Narcissa Malfoy]

I used to usually give my attention first to my eldest DD if there was a situation where they were both needing something when my youngest was very tiny. Then she was happy and settled and it meant I could deal with baba and not have to rush to see to my big girl.

As my youngest got older then I would ask my eldest to help out and that would take her mind off herself for a bit.

[calfee]

I used to see to Cal who was just over 2 when Fee was born. He could remember if I left/ignored him but Fee couldn't and I also didnt want him to feel jealous. Often what worked was me saying "listen to that noisy baby!" and he would shut up to listen to her! Then I'd say "let's go and see what's wrong with our baby" and he *bingo* he was suddenly the helpful, grown up (quiet) big brother!

Fee was always "his" baby from the moment we told him I was pg.

[Bubble]

I used to prioritise Sam the majority of the time (depending on circumstances obviously). Babies cry a lot anyway so depending on how long my attention was needed on Sam, Chloe could wait a couple of minutes. But if I was putting Chloe to bed for example, and Sam started to cry, then I would continue putting Chloe to bed as that would only take a minute then I was back to focus on Sam properly.

As they got older,it became easier because Chloe didn't usually cry for no reason and actually the crying from both of them decreased so it was rare that they were both crying at the same time.

It is hard though and I got very stressed by it Please PM me a link to this thread when I am stressing about the very same thing in November!

[Miss Frosty]

When Robbie was newborn I always attended to Blair first as I thought that he had an understanding of what was going on, where as Robbie could be upset but didn't really know any better.

I did it this way too, as I felt so sorry for Blair that he was no longer the only one getting all the attention and wanted to reassure him really . I know that he was fine, I suppose I did it for me too as I was suddenly strugging with my feelings and couldn't get my head round having two little boys .

[noddy]

I remember this problem early on and my HV advised that I see to the older one first - partly to try to avoid excessive jealousy (they have been used to getting your attention immediately up until now) and partly because it's usually a fairly quick solution to solve the problem. I have to say it did seem to work - particularly as sometimes little ones just cry for no real reason and tend to take a good while to settle.

That's exactly what my HV said too.

In the situation you were in with the grazed knee I would probably have stopped quickly to talk to the older one and said I would look at it soon and could they go into the front room and wait for me. That way they get a little attention with the promise that you'll come back and see to them.

When Betty was tiny Henry stepped back off the sofa and trod on her face Betty immediately started screaming like she's never screamed before or since and Henry was so mortified that he started screaming too! Luckily my mum lives just round the corner so I rang her and she came round to help!

It definitely gets easier as they get older though, and sometimes you just have to make a decision as to what is the more pressing bout of crying!

Noddy