Toddler jealous of baby - how long did this phase last for you?

**Daisy66** · 27-06-2006, 01:27pm

Hi all,

Having a bit of a mare with Hannah just now - for the first couple of weeks after Arun was born, she was ok and did not seem to mind a bit less attention. However, that has all gone to pot and things are getting us down now. She is specially bad when I am feeding Arun. We are not handling things well at all as lack of sleep plus a bad cold (both me and DH

) is leaving us very short-tempered.

Last night Hannah was awake from 2 til 4 am. As I fed Arun at 12.30 then 3 and then 6am, you can imagine how little sleep I had

Anyway, the point is, I wondered how other people;s toddlers were with a new baby and how long we might expect the attention-seeking to continue?

Hannah is going to stay with my folks tonight so we can get some sleep but that is obviously not a long-term solution!

Help!
Daisy

**Bubble** · 27-06-2006, 07:57pm

Sorry, no real advice but couldn't read and not post. We haven't really had the jealousy thing but I think that was because Sam was so young when Chloe arrived (13 months). I do have to watch him with her now though sometimes, because he will do things like try and sit on her and give her little shoves and kicks when he thinks I'm not looking. 99% of the time he's fine with her but now and again he likes to try it on.

I think Littlepinkpiglet had jealousy problems with Max though when Lily arrived (sorry LLP if I'm wrong), hopefully she'll see this soon and offer some good advice for you.

Bubble
xx

**BJMac** · 27-06-2006, 08:09pm

I went to reply this morning, but then both girls needing seeing to so I had to abandon the post!!

Basically, I was just going to say the same as Bubble. Dixie hasn't really shown 'jealousy' as such, but she has been rough with Lola on a couple of occassions. 90% of the time, she is brilliant with Lola and is very gentle, giving her kisses, stroking her head etc etc, but last week for example, while I was feeding Lola, Dixie came along and whacked her on her stomach

- I told her not to do it again, then she did, so I sat her on the floor and ignored her, then she got up and did it again, and I went mad. I think the fact that she got such a reaction out of me did me no favours, because then she threw a massive tantrum

.

So I've just tried distracting her when she seemed like she's going to do it again, and that seems to do the trick.

**littlepinkpiglet** · 27-06-2006, 08:33pm

Originally Posted by Bubble

I think Littlepinkpiglet had jealousy problems with Max though when Lily arrived (sorry LLP if I'm wrong), hopefully she'll see this soon and offer some good advice for you.

Bubble
xx

You're exactly right!!!

It wasn't mean jealousy IYSWIM, it was just that he would totally ignore her and get stressed out when she was crying and go into his little shell when I was feeding her etc.

It lasted pretty much until she started smiling and laughing at him. I don't think he felt as threatened then and he could entertain her. I try to let him do fun things while I feed her. He would never let me read to him b/c he wouldn't sit next to her or even close, so he played a lot of computer games for a while!

I'd say spend as much time with your first as you can while the baby is asleep then gently explain that you have played with her and now it's the baby's turn. Tell her that she is a big girl and that the baby needs help and he can't do the things that she can do. I told Max he needed to rescue his sister and to help her out and that worked a treat. Do lots of high fiving and make a HUGE fuss of every nice thing she does for the baby.

He is a great big brother now (never thought I'd say that!) but he will still take things from her occasionally and when she's not looking he'll hide toys from her

But he does love her to death and is always asking where she is and kisses her goodnight.

I can totally sympathise with how you feel, I felt pretty desperate for a while. But it does pass and she won't be able to stay away from him soon enough. You are a fab mummy

and there's light at the end of the tunnel. HONEST!

ETA: Just thought I'd add this photo of the first time he saw his sister... it speaks volumes. He didn't touch her again for WEEKS

**sugarpops** · 27-06-2006, 08:56pm

Jenny's always been jealous since Aimee was born whenever i'm feeding Aimee Jenny tries to get my attention. She says 'come here' or 'come and play' LOL

A good thing to do is to let her hold your newborn (obviously with you holding her too) and get her to bring things over to you whilst with the baby. So that she's involved aswell.

Jenny quite likes it when she smiles at Aimee and Aimee starts laughing at her dancing. I think they will get used to each other eventually but not just at the moment.

sugarpops x

**littlepinkpiglet** · 27-06-2006, 09:05pm

Originally Posted by sugarpops

A good thing to do is to let her hold your newborn (obviously with you holding her too) and get her to bring things over to you whilst with the baby. So that she's involved aswell.

Mine ran away screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO" if we said do you want to hold her!

It's worth a try though.

**Daisy66** · 28-06-2006, 01:58pm

Thanks girls, it's good to know this won't last forever.

Well, DH and I had a chat and we've decided to change tactics a bit. I'm going to try to spend more time with Hannah - it's when I'm feeding Arun that really brings out the worst in her (asking for things and throwing complete paddies if I don't do them), although she also pretty easily throws tantrums at other times too

She obviously wants MY attention, so she's going to get it, but in a positive way, rather than in a shouting, telling her off kind of way! We're also going to let her do more things for Arun (bring nappies, wipes, etc) We'll see how that goes.

On the plus side, Hannah is fab with Arun himself, always kissing him and saying "how's my wee boy" etc. Very cute.

And on an even more plus side, she decided last week not to wear nappies anymore and we've had only a couple of accidents in the space of one week. Very pleased with her on that front!

Anyway, thanks. I love these boards for the fact there's always someone been there and done it before you, and lived to tell the tale!

Daisy

**popinjay1** · 28-06-2006, 05:20pm

Similarly Claire will want attention when I am attending to Amy. In the early weeks Claire did hit and even attempt to bite Amy but she hasn't done that for a few months now. She can still be quite rough but I think that is just general toddler behaviour really.

I make sure I have time with Claire & me each week and leave Amy with MIL one day a week. Maybe you could do that. OObviously a difficult one if you a bfing of course.

It will pass once Hannah gets used to it all.