Where do i start?

[A J]

This might be a long post so bear with me! (You might want to put the kettle on and get comfy..)

Been with the OH for 4 years now.

We live together and were engaged. (Note the were engaged). Last year September we went through a really bad stage and he ended the relationship. I moved home to my mam's and started the process of transferring the house into his name etc etc. Then for whatever reason he decided he couldn't live without me yadda yadda and i went back. (in the meantime whilst living at my mam's, OH's brother in law came round to my mam's house and stole my engagement ring and assaulted my mam in the process.. police and everything invloved... Cringe. )

anyhoo... i went back and things were ok i guess.

He has started playing cricket and this seems to be the main strain in our relationship. I don't mind him having hobbies and friends BUT what i do mind is that he uses the cricket as his ticket to staying out til 2am and beyond drinking and gambling every Saturday night while i am sat at home by myself. (he also plays darts on a Friday night and comes home at 12ish..drunk)

We fell out again June time this year... i stayed with my mam for a couple of nights but felt so lost not having my house and freedom. Got back together .

We came to the conclusion that as far as the cricket was concerned, he would stay out one week and i would go out with friends and he would come home the next week and we would go out and spend our saturday night together.. seemed a good compromise.

But now, every Saturday night i get a phone call (last week it was at 9pm) when it is too late for us to get anything arranged asking if i wants him to come home or whether he can stay out???? My reply is always the same "i'd like you to come home. We were meant to be doing something together" And guess what, he never does. 2am he rolls in and then has a go at me for being in a mood with him. I hate him when he is drunk. He actually quite scares me.

So now, i have started to make my own arragements on a weekend because i am so sick and tired of sitting around waiting for him to spare me 5 mins to take me out and be a couple.

This weekend i went out to the local pub on Friday with my mam for a few drinks, and out in town on saturday night with the girls...and guess what.. he doesn't like it and we haven't spoke since Friday night.

I am so mad...

He does nothing round the house. Never wants any sort of physical contact with me like cuddles kisses etc other than the obvious. He just wants me there to tidy up after him, clean and cook for him. I'm 24 and a slave to man who doesn't care one bit about me or my feelings... can't remember the last time he told me he loves me or that i look nice or anything remotley nice to me..

i had such a good time on Saturday night and had so much male attention...

i am really starting to think he is a nasty piece of work. My family don't like the way he treats me but put up with him because they think it is what i want. His family haven't spoken to me since September last year when we split up the first time. I am serioulsy considering walking away AGAIN for the last time.

He makes me so unhappy and that is no way to live.............................................

but what about my lovely house..that i would have to walk away from and go back to living with my mam and feeling like i'm in the way ..

ARGH

Any thoughts ladies?? I really need some help....

thank you

[zummerzet lou]

firstly,

Sounds to me as though you have to decide what is best for YOU.

Do you want to continue living like this as he in't going to change .. and he's made that perfectly clear.

You are worth so much more, and without meaing to sound patronising, you are very young and have plenty of time to find Mr. Right.

As for the house, do you own any of it? Do you pay anything towards the bills, mortgage etc? If so, it might be worth making an appointment at the CAB as you may be entitled to something.

all the best, and please be selfish for a while .. make the decision that is right for you.

Lou

[Alabama]

He does nothing round the house. Never wants any sort of physical contact with me like cuddles kisses etc other than the obvious. He just wants me there to tidy up after him, clean and cook for him. I'm 24 and a slave to man who doesn't care one bit about me or my feelings... can't remember the last time he told me he loves me or that i look nice or anything remotley nice to me.

I think you've answered your own question there my love

[Moose]

Well he certainly doesn't sound like prince charming .

Sorry, that wasn't very helpful. You are still young and should be out enjoying yourself, not sitting around the house waiting for him to roll in.

As for the house, could he buy you out? then you will have a deposit to put towards somewhere else, surely you won't just sign it over to him?

I hope it all works out for you, whatever you decide.

Moose x

[DKNI]

Sadly its only a case of stating the obvious. You know the answer already its just getting up and doing it thats the hard part.

If you left could you get a flat of your own/ Would you get money from the house etc?

My ex and I broke up in November of last year and by April we were divorced (no hanging around where he is from) I was devastated and with 2 kids under 3 in tow its been a hard time to get through but slowly I am getting there.

I had the perfect house in the perfect neighbourhood with all my lovely stuff around me. I chose everything and put it in the right place etc, but at the end of it all its just things. I didn't have the perfect life and he was trying to make me unhappy and someone I wasn't.

Sorry for the waffle all I am trying to say is that you can start over again and get the life and partner you deserve, you don't have to stay somewhere and be unhappy just because you like your house.

If your freedom is important to you and you don't get that at your mums you will force yourself to go and find somewhere else to live and make a new life for yourself.

Good luck and just make sure you put yourself first

[Tinkle]

Why would you have to leave the house? Why not him. I think in your heart you know what to do, doesnt make it any easier though

[A J]

we own the house jointly so i will be entitled to 50% of the equity in it. ... it's just everthing else that will need to be sorted.. credit card, car loan etc etc.. it scares me.. but i guess it's all just paperwork at the end of the day.....

and i work in a solicitors so my boss will hopefully be able to help in the transfer of the house into his name as long as there are no conflicts of interest (he did want to buy me out last time we fell out so i guess he will do this time).

[noddy]

I think what Andie says is true - you can have another nice house somewhere else but you can't get back the time you're wasting on this man who doesn't seem to appreciate you.

If you're due anything from the house then make sure you get it and move on with your life.



Noddy

[A J]

i would like to have kept the house but to be honest i couldn't afford it by myself and maybe i would regret taking it on and not having any money to go out and buy nice things and enjoy myself.

i won't mind it if i have to go back to my mam's.. she's more like a sister tbh we get on great.. it's just weird after having our own house for so long.

maybe i could rent a nice little flat or something when i get some money together.

i haven't heard from him today either .. i really don't want to go home and have to face him not speaking when we haven't even had a row or anything..

[Minky]

Blimey, he's got it good hasn't he?

Sex on tap when HE wants it, someone to cook and clean for him, no interruption to his social life, no consequences for breaking promises. If I were him I wouldn't like it if you went out either?

Get out, get out, it's a totally destructive situation for YOU and you deserve better.

It is hard, I won't say that it's not, but blimey, could it be any worse than this on your own?