Difficult question

[Lois Lane]

If a very good friend of yours was a childminder and had a history of PND (which she had recovered fully from) would you trust her with your child? This is not a bunfight starting question, I am SERIOUS! The friend in question is absolutely devoted to her child and shows no sign of relapse. During her PND phase she did not harm herself or her child in any way.

Discuss.

I'm really interested to hear the answers as it will help me with a dilemma.

Lois x

PS. I should point out that on the application form for childminding the very first question on the health questionnaire is 'have you ever suffered from depression or any other mental illness such as self harm or an eating disorder'. Would this question filter out the person in the scenario above?

[Azana]

Yes I would trust her. There by the grace of God etc..If it was a good friend though I would prob have a frank discussion about it, but I might be more worried about having a business relationship with a friend more than her having been ill with PND iyswim.

Az

[Lois Lane]

A fair point Azz - thanks for your honesty.

[redhed]

Hmmm. It's a difficult question because the temptation on a public internet forum is to make the "politically correct" answer, not the honest one.

For me, it's pretty much like any long-term illness (by which I don't mean a lifetime sentence, but something that can take a while to shift and can recur as opposed to something like chicken pox which you have and then it's done.)

I think that of course I would trust her, but would try to find out a lot more about the illness first, cos I am woefully ignorant about mental health issues. I'd need to be happy that:
- she was "well enough" now (whatever "well enough" means in context of this illness) and that my ghastly offspring wouldn't push her over the edge because then I'd feel "responsible" and horribly guilty.
- I could spot any signs of trouble coming back; It seems some people don't realise they are ill till they are right up to their ears in it again. Though you know your friend best - maybe it doesn't take her this way in which case it's not an issue.

I don't think I'd be happy to let someone who was suffering badly from depression at the time look after my children - even if I was confident they were safe, they might not get much interaction, time out of the house etc. I have a friend who is a SAHM and does have quite severe depressive episodes; she's put her child into nursery for the duration as she just retreats into a shell till she's better and meantime she thinks her daughter is better off with other people.

[Lois Lane]

Hey Red - don't let PC-ness get the better of you, your honesty is what makes you YOU!!

I really appreciate your answer. I don't think that somebody with depression (as I have had myself) is ever 'cured' of it - I do see it as a lifetime's illness - some may disagree - that can be 'managed'. I agree that if it was my child then I would be inclined to read up on the condition myself first so that I was fully aware of it.

[Princess Fiona]

I think it depends how good a friend she was and whether she had confided in my during the PND. If she was not a close friend and i wasn't fully away of her PND history and she was unwilling to talk about it with me then i'd probably have reservations about leaving Lu with them.

However if she was a close friend and had talked in detail about her PND and i was happy that she was fully recovered then i don't see any reason why i shouldnt trust her with my child.

I agree with Azz though about the friend/business relationship, it doesn't always work!

[Chocolate Lips]

If it were a close friend of mine and I knew all about her situation then I am pretty sure I would trust her with Isabel.

However, if it were a stranger or someone else I didnt know so well then I think I would have some reservations about it to be honest.

Friendwise, I think as long as I was clearly 'in the know' about her PND and to extremes it had gone to, I would probably be comfortable leaving my child with her - because PND isnt always or hardly ever about harming anyone is it? (sorry I am not an expert on this at all, I dont really know anything...) I thought it could sometimes be more about how you feel about yourself, low self esteem etc?

[noo noo]

Forgetting about the close friend bit for a second if I was to be choosing a childminder I dodn't think I'd even consider asking if she had a history of mental illness!

[Chocolate Lips]

Forgetting about the close friend bit for a second if I was to be choosing a childminder I dodn't think I'd even consider asking if she had a history of mental illness!

actually thats a really good point! I need to start looking for a childminder, but then again, I would presume that the childminders had already been vetted to make sure they are not all serial killers etc

[Lois Lane]

because PND isnt always or hardly ever about harming anyone is it? (sorry I am not an expert on this at all, I dont really know anything...) I thought it could sometimes be more about how you feel about yourself, low self esteem etc?

You are right Joanna - it is very rare that a mother with PND will harm her baby (only a small percentage of women get psychosis which is the worst form of PND) but as you say, you might not be aware of that if you didn't know what PND was all about.

Noo Noo - you wouldn't consider it even if the friend in question had PND?