Following on from Petrus thread - How well do you know your child?

**Princess Fiona** · 02-02-2007, 11:15pm

I keep getting very "helpful" friends telling me i should do this and that with Lucy as she is ready?? Mainly about potty training but about other things too. They say "oh she KNOWS this and she KNOWS that" or "she understands this" bla bla bla.

Am i the ONLY Mother who doesn't KNOW what their child KNOWS/or understands.

I know to a certain extent, like i KNOW that if she bites she KNOWS she shouldn't do it, but i don't think she is ready for potty training as i don't THINK she KNOWS she needs to pee before she actually does it, well she KNOWS she just doesn't understand that the pee is coming iyswim??

I feel bad sometimes when DH tells her off for stuff when i'm certain she just didn't understand what he was saying but i'm reluctant to correct him in front of her as i HATE it when parents undermine each other, DH does it to me ALL the time, which is probably why she doesn't listen to a fecking word i say

Anyway back on topic, do you compeltely understand your childs level of knowing/understanding?? I feel totally lost sometimes, like today i had her in knickers and i spent almost 10 mins getting her to LOOK at my face so i could explain to her that i had put knickers on her and that she must use the potty as she was too interested in what the cat was doing. I had to keep pulling her face towards me to get her to look and honestly it was as if i were invisible??

**Petrus** · 02-02-2007, 11:17pm

Um i'm not sure...let me have a think about it. Very interesting topic though.

**littlepinkpiglet** · 02-02-2007, 11:24pm

Originally Posted by Princess Fiona

Anyway back on topic, do you compeltely understand your childs level of knowing/understanding??

Not really. But every day I'm learning that they know about 100 more times more than they let on. They miss NOTHING. I think Max hasn't been listening to me and then two weeks later he'll pop out with it.

Even Lily - she's only 1 but sometimes I'll tell her to do something thinking that she won't have a clue and off she toddles and does it.

Just because she's not responding doesn't mean she's not understanding PF. I'm sure she's just taking it all in and not doing it in some kind of toddler power struggle/protest or even just to shock you later. Max does this all the time

**Diddlum** · 02-02-2007, 11:25pm

That's quite a difficult question really!

I honestly think that these days Niamh understands MOST things I say to her. Obviously there are words she has never heard before so she doesn't understand when I use them. And sometimes I rattle on about things just to make 'conversation' (bit one sided obviously!) so she doesn't understand all of that. BUT when she's having her dinner and I'm telling her off for feeding it to the cat on chucking it on the floor (thought she'd stopped that business

) and I shout at her and she carries on and even LAUGHS, I'm not entirely sure whether she understands me or not. I shout at her or use the most stern face and tone of voice and she just laughs. So I'm not entirely sure then whether she's pushing the boundaries or she thinks I'm playing.

Libra · 02-02-2007, 11:27pm

Classic one I have with Billy ATM:'Billy, are you drunk?' 'Nooooo'

Well he understands that he should be saying no but he doesnt understand the actual question as he has no idea what being drunk is!

If I say 'Do you want to go and see Holly and Kaiden', he says 'Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhh' with his arms in the air and I know he knows what that means because he'll go and stand by the front door.

I think it's trial and error at such a young age and it doesnt have anything to do with how in tune with your child you are.

If you arent sure whether they are ready to do something then chances are, they probably arent ready.

I wasnt sure Billy was ready for a bed at 15 months but I tried it and it was a success. If i'd have left it longer like my MIL advised me to cause she didnt think he was ready, i'd still be having crap sleeps with him. He's a perfect sleeper now and wakes 8.13am every morning!

I think they understand a lot but find it hard to communicate the fact.

Billy knows that in the morning I put on my dressing gown and slippers before we go downstairs. The other day he fetched my slippers. I didnt even know he knew what slippers were!!!

**~Twiggy~** · 02-02-2007, 11:32pm

I can't explain very well but I know what J will eat, and in what order he eats. I know how he will react if we go somewhere different. I know he isn't ready for potty training yet. I know when he will play up at night. I can tell you when he goes into a room what toy he will play with first. I know he will be looking around the room for lights and doors.
I know he knows what I will do in order to try and coax him. I know he notices small details and is concerned if something isn't right.

Is this the sort of thing?

**Tigerpants** · 02-02-2007, 11:37pm

I think I've realised this past week that F knows very well what I'm on about ALL the time

He really does understand when I say "if you do X then Y will happen"

I also know that to try to force him to do something just does not work. He didn't walk until very, very late and then he did it well - the exact same with talking, we were referred both times just incase and then all was well.

He was 3 the other week and cannot be harsed potty training and yet today he asked to go twice and went on the toilet. I am more than happy with this now and know that when he is ready then he will do it and the more I force him then the less likely it is to happen - he is as stubborn as his dad

I hope this answers your question but tbh I think I'm learning more and more about all three of mine every day and one day I'd say "oh he'd never do that" and the very next day I get proven right royally wrong - so in other words what the heck do I know

Every day throws new challenges and new beliefs at me all the time

S
xxxxxx

**Princess Fiona** · 03-02-2007, 08:41am

Originally Posted by Madasatwig

I can't explain very well but I know what J will eat, and in what order he eats. I know how he will react if we go somewhere different. I know he isn't ready for potty training yet. I know when he will play up at night. I can tell you when he goes into a room what toy he will play with first. I know he will be looking around the room for lights and doors.
I know he knows what I will do in order to try and coax him. I know he notices small details and is concerned if something isn't right.

Is this the sort of thing?

Not really no. I can almost predict Lucy's behaviour in certain situations/places. I'm talking about their understanding of things,

Say someone asks them if they want to go back to theirs for dinner, and they say yes, Lucy will ALWAYS say yes but i'm not sure she actually realises it would mean being taken away from Mummy and going to someone elses house to eat dinner, does that make sense.

With potty training, i'm not sure she understands whether she is about to wee, she definatley knows once she's done it but that doesn't necessarily mean she is ready to train does it, sure the point is that she knows BEFORE she's wet herself else whats the point??

I spose it is a tough question. I'm just loosing any confidence i gained about my ability as a Mother atm, i don't seem to know my child very well at all, despite spending the last 2 years with her 24/7 with no break. Everyone else seems to KNOW what she wants/needs

shining star · 03-02-2007, 09:01am

Hmmm it is difficult to answer without seeing inside their heads! But I do think Dylan understands pretty much everything we say to him these days. Even if he doesn't understand specific words, he gets the general idea of what we're saying. For example, yesterday morning DH had to go to the doctor because he has an ear infection......all day, Dylan kept saying that Daddy had a sore ear, that he went to the doctor and the doctor gave him medicine.

Another thing I had been wondering about lately was whether he understands the concept that other kids have a mummy & daddy, and that they're all called mummy & daddy iyswim? For example if I said to him, 'Katy is Lucy's mummy, would he be thinking that mummy means me? But yesterday he was looking at a photo of his friends and I asked him who each of their mummies was, and he was able to tell me. So he does understand it after all.

He definitely understands if I tell him to do something, or not to do it. He knows when he is about to do a poo because he tells me when he starts to do it! But I'm not sure whether he would know in advance that he needs to do a wee. But then again, I know he's not quite ready for potty training and I'm not going to push it.....if he wants to sit on his potty that's fine, but I'm not actively encouraging him.

ss
xx