Funny moments during birth?

Lois Lane · 09-01-2007, 01:05pm

Mine is bikini line related too!! I had planned on doing my bikini line and then went into labour with P so didn't have time and ended up being dry shaved for my section

This time round I took the whole lot off the day before. When I went into the pre-op room and the mw talked me through what would happen she told me she'd be back to shave me to which I said 'No you won't!' The look of RELIEF on her face was a picture - DH was in hysterics! She thanked me for being considerate!!!

**cheeky_biscuit** · 09-01-2007, 01:38pm

when I refused to get out the car as I couldn't possibly be in labour.
being very serious as I looked at DH during the pushing stage and saying "I am not putting this on you know, it really f*king hurts!"

**Shoppie** · 09-01-2007, 01:43pm

There wasn't a lot of opportunity given it all went nuts and I had a crash section without even going into labour (

), but I do remember very clearly being wheeled out of delivery having finally come out of recovery and been handed T and as we were passing the surgeon said cheerily 'see you next year!' and I was just like, 'erm, I don't think so!!!'

**August Girl** · 09-01-2007, 01:47pm

This thread is so funny

complete classic!

With Z's birth I remember shouting 'I need a poo' every few minutes. I knew better the next time but I could hear the same shout coming from other rooms shortly follwed by babies crying

You'd also think that mw's are used to swearing and rambling but mine put on my records that I was verbally aggressive, I was so

after, I didn't remember a thing.

I'm very jealous of all these cheerful midwives, the one I had was a right mardy cow. When I was on the gas and air I couldn't talk and I was dying to say 'Look shut up you are totally ruining this for me' but I couldn't get control of my mouth for long enough to say it. Probably for the best as DH would have gone mad.

I also thought the epidral people had come from the Asda down the road (must be the green uniform) and I was worried they weren't qualified.

**L66TTY** · 09-01-2007, 01:55pm

He he well funny!

I remember the first midwife calling for the second midwife to come and she said we need more entenox I was like bring two please this stuff is great!!! There I was cracking jokes in the middle of transition!!!

That stuff really is great wish they'd left me some for the first time I do a poo!!!

Also whilst being stiched up I was soooo scared of it hurting I was really sucking on the gas an air and then proceeded to tell the midwife could she please sort out the mess that the butcher doctor had done on a lump removal and plase could she be really neat! She was like I have been doing this for 16 years! I was like great so can you tell me what your doing please I like to know whats going on!

Fainting on my sofa after it all and everyone running around in a flap and me just thinking can I just go to sleep now!

**Angie** · 09-01-2007, 01:58pm

These are hilarious!

I was boringly sedate and well behaved during my labor (probably because I had many, many hours of frequent contractions before going into hospital so had missed a nights sleep and was so tired I spent most of my time bouncing on the birth ball and resting my head against the bed trying to fall asleep). But I promise I'll try harder next time to have an interesting birth story.

**Moffgal** · 09-01-2007, 01:59pm

I remember arguing with DH because I wanted to watch Bank of Mum and Dad on the tv in the corner of the room, and he wanted to watch Bad Lads Army. I was like, 'who's in f***ing labour here?' and he was like 'Yeh but you're going to be too busy to notice in a bit, so can I just watch it from the start?'

**Piggly** · 09-01-2007, 02:04pm

Fantastic stories.

I have one which I really remember.

I was in the birthing pool and saying to my husband that, even though I had done a bit of a poo, at least there were no peas or sweetcorn floating around - it was only later that he told me that there had been but the midwives had discreetly fished them out with a sieve.

**smiley** · 09-01-2007, 02:22pm

Originally Posted by Libra

My friend's friend is a midwife and she says its hilarious what different races of people say during labour. The black women shout 'Oh Lord', the Asian women shout 'Allah' and the white women call their husbands b@stards!!

This thread has me in hysterics!

With J, when the dr came around I asked him 'do you do drugs?'

I meant, where the f*** is my epidural ?

With L, when Dh arrived at the hospital, I lying in bed on the labour ward. He arrived in a state, scared he'd miss it. He says his 1st impression of me was bending over the bed, still clutching a bag of spinach. Apparently I was holding on for dear life. WTF was that about?

Not really labour but.........
When we left the hospital with L, we both walked out without him

I was chatting to the midwife who had come to say byebye, and DH grabbed my bag and forgot the baby all tucked up in his car seat. We left him on the floor in the ward

I am amazed they let us take him home after that

S xxxx

**Corette** · 09-01-2007, 02:24pm

If we were going to have a girl her name would have been Ava Jean!
After the section about 3 hours and I had Dylan in my arms and all my familty were there I asked my DH did he ring his godmother Jean to tell her then said "she'll think I named her after her" It took a while to convince me I actually had a boy