How on earth do you keep your temper?

[Minky]

When your child hits you, has time out on the naughty step then hits you again?



I came so close to hitting her back and admit I grabbed her wrists VERY firmly . I also raised my voice (but didn't shout).

Then, once I got her jamas on (a major battle) and we were getting her Grobag on she hit me again! . At that point I gave a final warning, and said there would be no books or recap of the day and she would go straight to bed if she hit me again.

We then were halfway through the book when daddy arrived, adn of course she was an absolute angel for him .

So how do you do it? I nearly lost it and I rarely lose my temper

With Hindsight I can see she was winding me up and pushing my boundaries, so how can I be calmer in th eheat of the moment?

Minky

ps very upset

[Pancake01]

Sorry, I've got no real advice, not having any experience in this area (yet ). I just wanted to say that it sounds like you did really well under the circumstances. You felt like losing it, but you didn't. You warned her with all the right things.

Sorry I'm not much help and that you are v upset.

[*kate*]

Not that I'm an expert but what about walking away from her if it happens again? And completely withdrawing your attention from her, telling her you're walking away because you don't want to be hit?

That way you let her know that it's unacceptable behaviour, and she won't get attention by hitting you. Also you aren't at risk of losing your temper and are in control of the situation.

It's much easier said than done though, and I sympathise, it's horrible when your little ones do something you really dislike. And sod's law, they are angels for the new person who walks in - devious little buggers aren't they

Of course, I really should take my own advice when No1 winds me up, rather than getting embroiled in a pointless argument like I usually do - she knows howto push my boundaries too!

Good luck

[Damsella]

I try to act disappointed, as well as angry.

And I don't think, at this age, that threats of treats being withdrawn are understood.

You keep your temper because you're the grown up and you have to. Although having said that, DD's not a hitter. Yet! But getting her into her pyjamas can be like wrestling an octopus which is running away - so I got wise to that, and now plonk her in her cot so she can't escape while I change her

(What on earth is a recap of the day? You sound very dedicated! DD gets changed, has a sleepy drink and goes in the cot.)

[August Girl]

(What on earth is a recap of the day? You sound very dedicated! DD gets changed, has a sleepy drink and goes in the cot.)

Z likes to do this. Just a chat about what he has been doing that day and anything he would like to talk about. He has a very long memory and I get things like 'Mommmm, d'you remember when you shouted at daddy and broke a cup' or 'What about that time you dropped rice all over the floor and cried?'

Minky, sounds like you did the right thing. Toddlers are very very good at pressing the angry buttons. Good on you for staying calm!

[Minky]

Hey all. I suppose the naughty step is like walking away. I put her on it and then left the room and had my back towards her. She was on the changing mat on the dresser so I couldn't just leave her there.

Disappointment is a good idea, will also try that.

I don't really get cross with her for anything else but she packs such a punch she actually HURTS me when she hits and of course that makes me see red too. I know I have to keep my temper but I must say it seems by the lack of replies I'm the only one struggling with this and feel very ashamed.

DAmz, every night, we do book, a little song (this is the way we go to bed) and then have a recap of the day's events, which Lulah LOVES. One night I missed it and she shouted CAP CAP CAP at me for about 2 minutes before I realised what she was on about.... .

Minky

[*kate*]

I must say it seems by the lack of replies I'm the only one struggling with this and feel very ashamed.

DAmz, every night, we do book, a little song (this is the way we go to bed) and then have a recap of the day's events,
Minky

God no Minky, I lose my temper about 10 times a day so there's no need to feel ashamed! In the morning I shout so much I'm surprised the neighbours don't have social services on the doorstep! But I do try to apologise when I'm calm - and explain why I was cross, but I appreciate that this is hard to do with a 2yr old.

Disappointment always works well, we usually say "I'm sad that you did XXX" - this works with our kids who are 9 and 7, and sometimes it hits home more than yelling at them.

They all do things which push our boundaries though

We do the recap of the day thing but at dinner time, going round the table saying what we've done that day etc. I think it's a good idea - if we forget the kids will start the conversation "so Daddy what did you do today"

[Adelelee]

Hi hun

Only just seen this thread.

Eliza is going thru a terrible phase of hitting me with whatever is at hand, usually a book and you are right, it bloody hurts.

Like you I have shouted back in shock a few times, but it gets me no-where, she just thinks its funny or go hysterical sobbing and then I feel a complete shit

So I am trying the ignore approach too, when she does it I take her to the middle of the room and tell her firmly to stay there, mummy is not happy with her.

At first she just go straight up but now she does stay there for about 20 seconds and the other day she even come up to me and stroked me and said "ahhhh" which melted my heart. But I do think this may be a one off.

I will put up with a lot of things from Miss E but I will not be a battered mummy

[Cherrypie]

I know I have to keep my temper but I must say it seems by the lack of replies I'm the only one struggling with this and feel very ashamed.

God no, hon. I struggle at times too. I did a big long reply an hour ago, only to lose my bluddy internet connection.

TBH, Eilis isn't much of a hitter - though that's not to say she never has. The few times Eilis has hit me, I've usually held her hand tightly and said NO quite loudly, DON'T HIT MUMMY! Most times she's stopped. If not, I've plonked her on the chair, and left her for a minute. She's usually been upset by this, and it's difused the situation.

FWIW, I think you're handling it very well. And don't feel ashamed if you feel that the hitting is making you cross - sounds like normal human reaction to me. IMHO the problem would be if you majorly acted on your anger, liked smacked her back hard.

I think I've mentioned before I did a parenting course last autumn. The woman who ran it was fab, and had a lot of common sense advice on dealing with various situations.

For most 'bad behaviour' - like being cheeky, tantrums etc, she advocated ignoring. Most bad behaviour is attention seeking she says, so don't reward it with a lot of attention!

OTOH, she said violent behaviour like hitting should not be tolerated or ignored. She says not to invite another go - i.e. 'if you hit me again there will be no story' etc. So if Lulah hits you at all, she doesn't get a story. No second chances. The reason behind this is that the tutor says the child may think it's okay to hit once, where as it's not okay to hit at all.


Not sure if I'm making sense at all, but I didn't want not to reply. And I certainly didn't want to leave you with the impression that you were the only one who struggles with this. And I think you deal with it really well.

CP. xxx

[guinness]

well i havent got to that stage yet, ben is only little, but from watching those supernanny type programmes it sounds like youre doing great - warnings and explaining why you're upset etc.
even at this age it can be hard to keep your temper - esp when i'm holding an inconsolable baby, his daddy walks through the door and he is an angel for him - makes me want to
minky you are so not alone!!