Would you change your name?

**spritzer** · 02-05-2006, 03:57pm

My mother suggested to me that I change my name by deedpoll so that Xander, Mr S and I all have the same name. Mr S looked quite interested when I suggested this to him and so now I'm seriously considering it but would love some more opinions.

Neither of us have a burning urge to get married although it could be on the cards at some stage in the future which would be odd 'do you Mr X take Ms X to be your wife'

Would changing my name to his basically let him off the hook regarding marriage for ever?

Wouldn't it be advantgeous for Xander to have the same name as me as he gets a bit older?

Your thoughts would be most welcome

**RosyLee** · 02-05-2006, 04:17pm

Can't be much help to you, as this is something that's been suggested to me on several occasions as well! I've decided against it for now because I really do want to get married, even if we just nip to the registry office on a weekday afternoon! My thinking is that if I change my name then it will let him off the hook with the whole marriage deal.

I suppose it would cause less confusion at parents' evenings if you all had the same surname, but I would imagine teachers have seen it all by now! ;-)

**Calamity** · 02-05-2006, 04:27pm

Oooh I see where you're coming from Spritzer. I have a different surname to Lorna and I hate it. I know it shouldn't make the slightest bit of difference but I even feel odd phoning Lorna's nursery when I say "Hi this is Jane R*****, Lorna P******'s mum" it's like I'm her step-mother instead of her mother.

I'm not sure that I would go so far as to change my name and as you pointed out it would be rather bizarre if I did actually marry my OH. The wedding vows bit would be a scream!!

I don't like my own surname but my OH's surname is even worse and just as long. Hmmmmmmmm decisions, decisions. I think I'll put my foot down when we have another one though and tell my OH the new baby will have my surname just to even things up!

J.x

**spritzer** · 02-05-2006, 04:49pm

Originally Posted by Jane

Oooh I see where you're coming from Spritzer. I have a different surname to Lorna and I hate it. I know it shouldn't make the slightest bit of difference but I even feel odd phoning Lorna's nursery when I say "Hi this is Jane R*****, Lorna P******'s mum" it's like I'm her step-mother instead of her mother.
J.x

I have exactly this problem and I am sure it will get more of an issue as Xander get's older and becomes aware and confused as to why his parents have different names.

RosyLee - I sort of have the same thoughts about 'letting him off the hook' about marriage. But, given I blow hot and cold about the whole marriage thing anyway am I totally

to even consider changing my name to someone else's if I am not sufficiently motivated to get married to him! Nothing about our relationship really, just a funny status quo.

We're on holiday next week and perhaps we'll give it some serious thought then.

**Minky** · 02-05-2006, 06:41pm

I've been married twice

and didn't change my name at all the first time. If we had had children (fat chance if they'd have looked like their father

) then they would have taken his surname but I still wouldn't have changed.

I am now Minky Kiwi-Pommy

and this is fine for me. The two names don't really go together well (as Kat and Azana will confirm) but frankly I don't give a fig

.

Lulah is Tallulah Pommy, and Mr Minky is Mr Pommy. So we are all kind of there together.

I must confess though that I do have rather radical views on name changing which I developed when I did my degree and did an advanced women's history paper.

. I vowed and declared there and then that I would never take a man's name and leave mine behind!

So feel free to ignore me! It's also very common in NZ to keep your own name (perhaps more so than changing which is seen as old fashioned) so people like doctors and schools etc don't have a problem with it at all.

Minky

**silverpod** · 02-05-2006, 07:55pm

I am married, but didn't change my name. I had a little think about it when pregnant with dd but till decided to keep my name. DD has my surname as a middle name but DH's as a surname. That suits us all fine.

I don't think doctors and schools would have a problem with it- I worked as a teacher before I had dd and it was never a problem there if children had different names from their parents or siblings- the relationships within familes can get quite complicated nowadays. But I wouldn't have too much of a problem with teachers calling me Mrs DH at parent's evening.

I personally think that there is more to being a parent than sharing a name (as I am sure we all do) so it doesn't bother me. DD may or may not change her surname should she chose to marry but having my name as a middle name means that she will carry that forever (again in theory, as she could change it by deedpoll!

)

I believe that you should so it if you want to, and take ds into consideration, but it should be something you want to do, rather than doing it solely for him IYGWIM.

SP

**Jamtart** · 02-05-2006, 09:05pm

I will soon have a different name to Kenidee. I am going back to my maiden name and she will keep her surname. New baby will have my maiden name as its surname as father wants nothing to do with it (I will give baby his surname tho if he wants it to have it and he wants to be involved)

**Crazyfool** · 02-05-2006, 09:12pm

Never really thought about this much till now. Baby will have my OH's surname so I will have a different name to them two as we're not married. Idont mind having a different name to my baby . I would love to get married one day to OH so hopefully one day we'll all have the same name .:wik:

**Chocolate Lips** · 02-05-2006, 09:12pm

We are not married and DD has OHs name, it does bother me sometimes but I wouldnt consider changing my name, not because its letting him off the hook, because I know we will get married but I just see it as a bit extreme!

**Princess Fiona** · 02-05-2006, 10:16pm

When i was growing up i had the same surname as my Mum and my Brother and Sister had my Dad's surname.

It never caused any problems and i never asked any questions, but BOY did i feel a fecking ejit when i was 16 and Mum told me he wasn't MY Dad afterall, explained a lot

TBH i wouldn't change my name so it was the same as my Dh's if we wern't married, but thats because i LOATHE our surname. I DID however want us all to have the SAME surname and DH refused to take mine so we went with his