Feeling really upset today

[S-J]

I feel really down today about Jacks early life. I feel he is all grown up already and I wish I could go back to his birth and do it all again, BUT knowing what I know now!

I was a useless mum. I knew nothing. I had no idea why he was crying – I was so stupid I didn’t realise he was crying because he was tired – why didn’t I put him to bed???!!! Poor Jack, I feel so sorry for him. He suffered horrendously with wind and cried and cried and cried (once for the whole day) and tbh I didn’t “bond” with him or love him for months. Part of this I think is because we couldnt find out what sex he was beforehand and he didnt feel like "Jack" for ages

What an awful person I sound. I just wish I could have given him a better start in life, when I think what I know now I could do a much better job.

Can I just confirm that I LOVE him to bits now but feel bad that this took a while to come.

[Shoppie]

SJ - I'm sure lots of damsels will follow me and agree that a lot of mummies do not bond with their babies straight away - everyone is different.

As to not knowing why he was crying and stuff like not putting him down for a sleep or realising he had wind, I can confidently say absolutely every single first-time mum does stuff like that I still sometimes will suddenly realise why T is whinging - he's been up 3 hours

Missing him as a newborn is totally normal - as is all the other stuff, honestly

[*Marti*]

Your not an awful person at all! Your first time mum! And i have to say that probably 98% of people are exactly the same. You cant have been expected to know what was wrong, its a learning curve!

Jack wont think your a bad mum because you re alll he knows and whatever you will be the best in the world to him!

You cant turn back the clock but just look forward to the future

[Rosa]

SJ you are not alone! I don't think anyone can know whats wrong with a crying newborn the first time round.

We used to wind Louis for hours and hours and he would scream and scream until he was sick... and all that was wrong was that he was tired Even now I try to stop him crying and then realise its time for a bottle.

Many people feel the same way about their babies at the beginning, its hard to love something that seems to be against you. But as you say the love comes thick and fast.

Your baby is still only little, there is plenty of time to get the hang of it all. Think back how far you remember, I bet you don't have many memories before three or four years old... we're designed that ways so mummies have a few years practice!! heehee.


As Marti says Jack will know you are the best mummy in the world.

[sparkliness]

Honestly, when I look back on when Molly was small, I

It is totally normal, they don't come with a manual, and there really isn't any 'getting it wrong', unless you are feeding them on wotsits from birth or something.

I have done a lot of healing with my second baby, 'putting right' mistakes I made with Molly, and doing things I couldn't manage at the time.

Babies don't remember any of this stuff, and they love us unconditionally, wotsits and all.

Please don't worry about the past, and just concentrate on being the fab Mummy I know you are

[Mrs Bunny]

Aww SJ. Its hard isn't it, when one day you look at your baby and realise that he isn't a baby anymore. Jacob has developed in leaps and bounds in the last few weeks, its scary. All he wants to do is stand up (often accompanied by shouting )
TBH I didn't bond with Jacob properly for a while too. Even now I have the odd wobbly day, when he is being extra specially difficult. I think with me it was because I wanted a girl
I do love him to pieces and love spending time with him. We are mates
I think most first time mums just wing it. They don't come with instructions and TBH all the advice we are given is very conflicting.
You are a great mum and Jack seems a very happy little boy.
Take care. See you soon.
Mrs B

[pooch]

Agree with all the others. This mum malarkey is very hard! Not only are you thrown into the deep end but all babies are different so what works for one, does not work for another.

It has been a steep learning curve and everyday I learn something new about Lucas. I do feel a bit guilty too sometimes when I think back to the first few weeks and how little I knew. I am guilty as charged about the not understanding why he is screaming the place down and then realise its because he is so tired.

The fact that you feel guilty (but you really shouldn't feel guilty) shows you really care for Jack and by the sounds of it you are being a fab mum.

[Cheaky*Monkey]

Aww wanted to send you xx

[Libra]

People used to say to me 'oh, someone's hungry' when Billy was crying. I used to go mad. How the feck do they know my son is hungry when I dont even know?!

TBH, it was just something for them to say. Hungry or tired.

As a 1st time Mom, you're learning. Jack's fine isnt he? Then you've done a wonderful job.

[*kate*]

You are not an awful person at all, and not realising what your baby wants isn't just confined to first time mums either, I STILL sometimes think "what is she crying for?" It's a guessing game really.

And you've bonded with him now, and love him to bits so he knows his mummy loves him so look forward not back, and think of the lovely times ahead of you all.