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Thread: Struggling :-(

  1. #1
    Damsel Diva S-J
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    Struggling :-(

    I hate working, I hate my job at the moment, I hate sitting in traffic to get to work, rushing home to get the kids, I hate my son being palmed off different places after school. I hate the fact I never get to walk him to school and we have to pay someone else to have this pleasure.
    I hate the fact most of my money goes on childcare when I should be doing this myself.
    I hate being broke despite the fact Im working.
    I hate the fact that all my friends seem to meet up for coffee etc and have child-free time and I dont.
    I hate hate it all.

    Big fat fed up. Im really struggling with returning to work after my DD. So much
    Tell me it gets better I cant give up work so just need to get over this.

  2. #2
    Chief Damsel Damsella
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    Re: Struggling :-(

    Hey

    If most of your money goes on childcare, would it be in any way possible for you to work part-time instead?
    Call me (Mrs) Damz

  3. #3
    Got husband, need wife! Dr Spouse
    Location
    In my mad scientist laboratory, getting children to do difficult things
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    Re: Struggling :-(

    From memory you have a full time section of the year but then will be part time next term?

    Can you just grit your teeth and hang on till then? I am counting down the weeks of term, personally, it is very full on in our kind of jobs during term time.

  4. #4

    Re: Struggling :-(

    Hey Hun...may not be useful but from the other end of the stick I hate that I gave up on my career, I hate that my cv now means nothing, I hate that I'm unemployable as I haven't had a "job" for 5 years, I hate that even if I wanted to go back to work I couldn't afford it as I'd be paying out around 2000 a month in child care and not in a position to earn that amount anymore. I hate that I have no idea what I can do with my life that makes it a bit about being me, rather than just being a mum.
    when I did work part time, I hated that I was treated as a "part timer" I hated that people thought it was fine to call me with work related stuff on my days off because it was a week day.
    i hated that missed out I'm some of the best projects as the customer wanted some one who was in the office 5 days a week to do it.
    i hated that I'd have a nice morning with Thomas but then have to leave him...I felt like I had the best and worst of both worlds.
    i honestly think there is no 100% happy choice to make once you're a mum ... There will be guilt and resentment with every choice. The only thing I'm thinking of is trying to start my own business of some sort (maybe doing some evening classes in some sort of beauty) it's the only way I can think id find a happy work/life balance.
    honestly, I went out with some school mums the other week and between the 6 of us we had a mixture of sahm's/FT Workers/PT workers and no one was 100% happy
    I hope it gets better for you

  5. #5

    Re: Struggling :-(

    Hang in there, the grass is always greener etc. But look at the option of being part time seriously. Life is too short to be this unhappy. Sorry not much help really
    DS1 21 DD 18:DS2 7

  6. #6

    Re: Struggling :-(

    that sounds really hard. Do you have any flexibility at all? Could you change job to work shifts so you and DH could share childcare?
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  7. #7
    Damsel Diva Velvet Chain
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    Re: Struggling :-(

    Totally agree with the wise words of Peridot.

  8. #8
    FAT donna-j
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    Re: Struggling :-(

    SJ I am not sure what you do, but if most of the money goes on childcare is there any way that you could make up the difference by working from home? Could you be a VA for example (I think Rosa was about to start doing that). There is another Damsel (who is rarely here now), who does something along those lines and got started through sites like peopleperhour and elance.

    I am self employed. Sometime I love it and would never go back to employment. Sometimes I miss being with other people. However it helps that my old office has been closed down (I worked in the friendliest place ever but it is no longer there ).


  9. #9
    Damsel Diva S-J
    Location
    Cambridgeshire
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    8,213

    Re: Struggling :-(

    Thanks. Peridot thanks for saying that. TBH it just seems that everyone has it easier than me. But maybe some SAHM look at me and wish they had a good job? My job is good I am lucky and I do like it really, just not now. Just after a year off its so hard to come back BANG into FT and so busy and stressful.

    Dr S yes you are right this is a bad time of year and it will get better.
    I go PT (ha ha my PT is still 28 hours per week ) in Feb. I will hang in til then and see how I feel once PT. I get to pick up DS from school 4x per week then.
    Damz after childcare I still have money to put towards the bills and unfortunately such is the cost of life these days I need it all. Once DD gets older of course it will get less (thank goodness) these 2 years are going to be the toughest. Just feels like no-one else has money struggles and its always us but Im sure it cant be.

    Thanks all. Sorry I think I just needed an outlet to vent. No point moaning to DH, nothing he can do, just stress him out.

  10. #10

    Re: Struggling :-(

    Absolutely agree with Peridot. I left a very well paid job (talking 35k ish plus bonuses) just 4 years ago. I'm struggling to find an 18k (pro rata) job now. Yes I used to pay 1,400 a month for childcare but the disposable income was more. I love being home with the kids but the money issues hurt me and my husband massively at the moment. Hope you can find a solution to suit you.

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2
    Mum to M (Aug 07) and D (Nov 08)
    and soon to be baby number 3 (due 11th August).

  11. #11
    Damsel Diva S-J
    Location
    Cambridgeshire
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    8,213

    Re: Struggling :-(

    Quote Originally Posted by donna-j View Post
    SJ I am not sure what you do, but if most of the money goes on childcare is there any way that you could make up the difference by working from home? Could you be a VA for example (I think Rosa was about to start doing that). There is another Damsel (who is rarely here now), who does something along those lines and got started through sites like peopleperhour and elance.

    I am self employed. Sometime I love it and would never go back to employment. Sometimes I miss being with other people. However it helps that my old office has been closed down (I worked in the friendliest place ever but it is no longer there ).
    How would you find out about these jobs though? I need to earn 600 per month minimum to put to the bills I guess I can google. THanks donna-j I dont think there is ever an easy answer is there.

  12. #12
    FAT donna-j
    Location
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    Re: Struggling :-(

    Yes try and hang in there until PT. Then you could spend those 6 months thinking about whether you can carry on in that job, or do some groundwork on how to get out.

    Everyone is skint, so don't worry about that.

  13. #13
    FAT donna-j
    Location
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    Re: Struggling :-(

    Quote Originally Posted by S-J View Post
    How would you find out about these jobs though? I need to earn 600 per month minimum to put to the bills I guess I can google. Thanks donna-j I dont think there is ever an easy answer is there.
    www.peopleperhour.com, www.elance.com, https://www.odesk.com/.

  14. #14
    FAT donna-j
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    Re: Struggling :-(

    Also, some large companies have their customer services based at home. I know Tesco do, but you have to be within an hour of their contact centre. I think Amazon do too.

  15. #15
    FAT donna-j
    Location
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    Re: Struggling :-(

    Also, stalk LinkedIn and be on every relevant group possible.

  16. #16
    Damsel Diva
    Location
    North West London via Edinburgh!
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    2,000

    Re: Struggling :-(

    Couldn't read and not post sweetie. Hang in there

    I went back full time when DS was 7 months and I do struggle with it a lot. The only thing that gets me through is that I do a funny shift pattern so do 2 days one week and 5 the next.

    Selfishly money aside the main reason that I went back was to keep building the career that I am on. Stepping off it would have been a mistake I think.

    Sorry rambling but I see it as when he's older I will still have my job. Short term it's grim though and I totally understand.

    prob not helpful but is there any way that you could juggle your hours at all or cut off a day? I do longer hours but less days.

  17. #17
    Casual Damsel Daisy66
    Location
    Edinburgh
    Posts
    4,358

    Re: Struggling :-(

    Aw SJ, you sound so unhappy

    Will you have some time off over Christmas? If so, I think you should focus on enjoying that time off, then tell yourself it's not long to get to February, when you will be able to do fewer hours (think of the pleasure of taking your son to school).

    Once you're doing the p/t hours, see how you feel. Maybe you do need to change jobs, but perhaps it won't seem quite so bad at that point.

    Hang on in there. And definitely come on here to vent meantime
    Mum to dd (age 10) and ds (age 8)

  18. #18
    30-something Damsel bubbasweet
    Location
    Surrey
    Posts
    16,772

    Re: Struggling :-(

    Big hugs There's no good solution to juggling work and being a parent I don't think. I'm stuck being a SAHM for the foreseeable and not loving the idea. I calculated the other day that to work 3 days a week would cost 2k per month for two kids at nursery and travelling costs. Bloody ridiculous.

    I did sort of know all this before having children so it's not a shock. Falling pregnant with no.2 so soon wasn't planned however and put quite a spanner in the works Sorry for waffling on about my own problems

    Hopefully you'll find things a bit less stressy when you drop your hours? It'll be lovely to pick your DS up from school most days

    Peridot lovely to 'see' you back!

  19. #19

    Re: Struggling :-(

    Yes they def do SJ! I'm always v envious of the women looking all smart, suited & booted... Rushing in and put if the school gate with their busy lives whilst I'm just... Well the opposite of that

    thanks bubba I knew once I started posting on one thing, it would snow ball... Leo isn't looking too impressed with me so will have to try and post back this evening :) (congrats on your little man )

  20. #20
    Damsel Diva S-J
    Location
    Cambridgeshire
    Posts
    8,213

    Re: Struggling :-(

    Thanks for all the lovely replies. and Donna-J for the links, will look over.

    I think my plan is to see how I feel agin come march/april time and have a big chat with DH if Im still this unhappy then.

    (PS yes keep posting Peri Ive been meaning to FB message you for ages )

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