DS2's behavioural issues

[RedTiger]

Not sure if that's the right term but I find him such hard work, I feel like I'm always walking on eggshells around him as he can switch to being very aggressive for no good reason. He is 3, 4 in a few weeks and tbh he's always been an angry child, even as a baby!

When he's in a temper he hits out at people (mainly me and his brother), throws things, kicks / hits / bites doors, furniture etc and nothing you say or do will stop the temper. Even ignoring him, he just gets worse if he doesn't get any reaction. ATM I do try to ignore the behaviour, if we're at home I put him up to his room but he just comes straight back out again (and again, and again when I keep putting him back). At nursery though they think he's a little angel.

On the flip side he is VERY clingy to me. I have to sit in his room while he goes to sleep, if he wakes in the night he screams for me because I'm not there. As soon as he wakes in the morning he's looking for me. If I give him into trouble for the aggressive behaviour he usually says things like 'I'm never a bad boy' 'Mummy never be angry with me' etc while crying and looking like I have been cruel to him

I find him very draining, and I know that DS1 ends up missing out on my attention because he is well behaved most of the time. When DS2 is kicking off I try to ignore him and give my attention to DS1 which makes DS2 worse because he doesn't like not getting the attention

Shall I just give supernanny a call?! I feel like I'm already taking part in one of her programmes, I've tried so many of her methods

[Bop]

Big ((hugs)) for now - need to go and get the kids from school - but will hopefully write a fuller response later

Bop

[donna-j]

He sounds like Thomas. It improved hugely the day he started P1. He was really highly strung, but he is very bright and was totally bored.

He was really clingy too.

[Bop]

DS used to be really angry too - we tried to help him to express his emotions so he could tell us what was going on....ponder out loud saying things like "I wonder if X is upset because...." We also used role play with toys and ignored a lot of stuff....a few years on he is much calmer.

Bop

[Rosa]

My ds1 is incredibly high maintenance and angry, I'd agree with donna that p1 has helped a lot.

[RedTiger]

Is he still clingy now Donna? I'm quite surprised that DS2 is so clingy, after all he's the third child and used to 'sharing' me from birth. He often says things like 'Mummy stay with me all the time' and 'Mummy never leave me' and I'm with him every day anyway so I don't understand where it's all coming from. I also worry that anyone hearing him out in the street will think I'm locking him in a cupboard all day or something.

I feel like I've always been saying he'll be better once he starts walking / turns 2 / 3 / starts nursery etc etc and he's still as volatile as ever. Now that he's added the clinginess into the mix it does make me wonder if it's something I've 'done' in the way I've brought him up so far - the other 2 were never like this. I know I've separated from their Dad now and that could affect the kids but tbh I thought DS2 would be least affected as ex barely had anything to do with him since he was born. He is bright but not any more so than the other 2, maybe he just needs more attention than I can give him. On the really bad days I have honestly wondered if I should give him up, not only for my own sake but also for the sake of DD & DS1 who must feel pushed out by him and the attention he needs.

[Rosa]

I totally know how you feel, and I too was looking forward to each stage hoping it would be better. However I can say that all of 3yrs was the worst, I think I cried most days, it was awful, I couldn't bear the walking on eggshells etc. It has VERY slowly got a lot better now. I think he really hated being a young child and loves the responsibility and new abilities he has now and that has made a difference, plus given me a BIG power for bribery etc which never worked with him before.

Primary school was definitely a big change, I think not having to spend ALL your time with them helps as well, and they are occupied by something that interests them and pushes them a bit, plus loads of new friends/ feeling grown up etc.

I will say that DS1 is still pretty volatile, but in general not too bad. I am still totally shocked when I say things to DS2 and he just shrugs and says "ok mummy", I am so used to DS1 who would kick up a major stink about EVERYTHING, so I think its a bit easier when you have the difficult one first.

:higggies: I think taking care of YOU and thinking about how YOU can cope is the most important thing for now, I don't think there is anything you can do to change him but he will grown to understand and manage his personality as he gets older.

[Bop]

RT

I think three is hard work - it is hard to find enough time for each of them and it must be doubly hard when you are a single parent.

My youngest uses tantrums to get attention and will play up if the others are getting more attention - it is draining to manage.....I often wnder if its a 3rd child thing - they need to be more demanding to get attention and so create drama?

It does sound as though you are handling it well - ignoring...maybe the putting him in his room has become a game in itself, so maybe try staying in the same room but deliberately putting your attention elsewhere?

Big ((hugs))
Bop

[RedTiger]

I think he really hated being a young child and loves the responsibility and new abilities he has now

I think this is a pretty big part of it, and being the youngest he can see that the older 2 can do more. He doesn't often play with typical 3 year old toys, most of the time he prefers Lego, or Skylanders - he rarely actually plays Skylanders on the wii but he likes 'roleplaying' with them!

I am very much looking forward to next August when he starts school, I feel like I'm wishing his life away Then again I can see a potential whole new set of issues if he decides he doesn't like school. We had a couple of months of him hating nursery just recently, tears and snotters every day trying to get him in so I'm really hoping he likes school. And I'm trying not to think ahead to high school and trying to get him to go there when he's bigger than me

Actually - just a thought, I'm waiting on him being referred for his size. He's off the bottom of the scale for height, he's tiny. They said they may check if it's a hormonal problem and if it is the hormones (or maybe lack of) might be affecting his mood?! Clutching at straws probably.

When he's in a good mood he's quite fun and comes out with some funny stuff - there are good times too

[Chell]

Wow, he was born on the same day a Mara but won't start until next August? She starts full time school in Sept this year.