How should we deal with this?

**helpimfalling** · 08-06-2012, 01:04pm

My oh family don't like me at all and I'm a good person there just different to me and I try as hard as I can try but clam up around them because i feel uncomfortable!

it must also be hard for her as she must feel shy as it's hard to step into Mil s place and she knew you all loved mil and already feels like a outsider/intruder
So maybe she feels unrelaxed and can't come across naturally (not because u make her feel like it just the situation)

I could be completely wrong and she could be a cow of course x x

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**DillyDally** · 08-06-2012, 01:11pm

helpimfalling might have a point there - perhaps she's getting 'we don't like you vibes' and it's making it even harder for her to get along with you all? Obviously just a suggestion!

My MIL doesn't like me and makes all sorts of snide comments (which my DH never notices

) I just carry on determinedly being pleasant (I've been with him for nearly 30 years, and married for nearly 25, get over it already!!!). Mind you, on Sunday she did ask me why I didn't leave him

She's slightly ... odd ... so I decided not to take her up on that ...

**bluekat** · 08-06-2012, 01:13pm

Your SIL is outspoken anyway (if it is the one you've posted about before)...she didn't take to you for ages either. I'd keep your own issues with Gramps to your own family unit and not get involved in her gripes. Joining up, may seem like ganging up, which isn't fair. If you do a skype request in the email, involve the new Mrs Gramps-to-be too.

**Chell** · 08-06-2012, 01:53pm

I think you're getting too involve since it is your DHs family. I'd be prompting DH to call more often, etc. I'd also take DHs lead and not push things if he doesn't want you to.

**Dr Spouse** · 08-06-2012, 02:05pm

I think it all sounds fine especially if you take the initiative and make the calls. I would not insist on Skype though as some people don't like it (we don't at all, partly poor video quality, partly it feels slightly as if you are tied down to a call by the person who calls you - you have to sit by the computer, you have to be there at a specific time etc.). We have relatives who aren't living that close and we just update them by phone or when Baby S is older he'll be able to go on the phone and speak himself.

**Elvisola** · 08-06-2012, 03:59pm

Originally Posted by in_disguise

Elvisola is a bit quiet though

Sorry :blush: it was Sophia again!! She knows what app Damsels is on and keeps trying to respond to threads (sometimes successfully obviously!)

The unmodified post actually said "fgy" which I don't think would be much help to you

I hope you get things sorted with FIL

**Rosa** · 08-06-2012, 04:17pm

Originally Posted by Chell

I think you're getting too involve since it is your DHs family. I'd be prompting DH to call more often, etc. I'd also take DHs lead and not push things if he doesn't want you to.

Actually I agree with thisore.than what I said, let your dh deal with it, I never get involved in my DHS family stuff!

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**bubbasweet** · 08-06-2012, 04:18pm

With regards to the new partner I think perhaps look at it from her POV - it sounds like she's got big shoes to fill (after your MIL) and coming into a very established family group must be hard and perhaps she's just shy? I'm shy and have been accused of rudeness and indifference in the past when in reality I just felt too nervous to speak or crack a smile.

**Chocolate Lips** · 08-06-2012, 07:03pm

My own granddad changed completely after my nan died. I was 12 at the time, within a year or two, he had moved hundreds of miles away and got together with my nan's sister-in-law (who she hated). I went from seeing him 4-5 times a week and spending all weekend with him over 12 years to seeing him about 3 times in 15 years. He didn't even send a birthday card. He wasn't a horrible man in any way, but he changed a lot. People do.

**Cailín Deas** · 15-06-2012, 07:34am

ITA with what others have said about leaving it to your DH. Seriously - you don't need the added stress! I know how you feel as it often upsets me how DH's family just cba with my DD but have come to the conclusion that my time and energy are better spent focusing on the people who matter.

I would give your FIL's financée the benefit of the doubt.

After years of nastiness from my DH's- grown up - daughters, I think it might be an idea to cut her a bit of slack!

Good luck with everything.