Advice re bedtime with my 9 year old

**popinjay1** · 07-06-2012, 06:42am

Given your circumstances I would just go along with it as you have said. Claire occasionally comes in to me at night and more often than not I let her (although explain she will be woken at 5am when the boys come bounding into my room!)

**Jelly** · 07-06-2012, 08:18am

When my 2 were younger we went through these phases. Apart from a cuddle in the morning I hate sharing my bed with them as I never get enough sleep. We addressed it by putting them back in their own bed and staying with them for a while until they settled back to sleep, or were nearly asleep. Nightlights also helped.

I think it's a matter of whatever works for you. You don't sound like a freaky mum. You're all going through an upheaval and it's understandable your DS will need reassurance.

**scatterbrain** · 07-06-2012, 08:26am

If either of the girls get into my bed I tend to send them back. If they are upset about anything, feeling upset because their dad is away or or had a nightmare etc I'll let them fall asleep then often carry them back (they both fidget too much for me to sleep with them in the bed). My friend still has her 4 year old and her 8 year old waking her up 3-4 times a night so I'm trying to be strict and they know coming into my bed is only for emergencies.

But in your circumstances I don't see the problem. He's clearly unsettled and needs extra reassurance at the moment. You have set your ground rules and you are encouraging him to sleep in his own bed most of the time. I'm guessing you'll either wean him off this with incentives as time goes by or he'll gradually stop coming in.

**Cymber** · 07-06-2012, 10:06am

Originally Posted by parkejm

he's not going to be in your bed when he's 21 or anything like that, you'll get there.

I do worry that he might actually

Thanks for all the replies.

**Katiekipper** · 07-06-2012, 12:41pm

I think everything you've said is perfectly reasonable. I'd only try and stop it if he was really disturbing my sleep. Mind you, my 2 year old does that and I've not considered refusing her access to my bed

Of course you and I are clearly a freaks with sexual intentions who are using their children for their own ends because he couldn't possibly want to sleep with you of his accord

**Cat Queen** · 07-06-2012, 02:07pm

My DS was exactly the same when I split with my partner (his dad), every night he would come in and it went on for months. Eventually, we moved out of the family home and into our own house, just me and the children. He continued to get in with me every night, but I ended up I bargaining with him

he kept going on about seeing the film Yogi Bear at the cinema when it came out so I said to him, to see if he could stay in your own bed for 5 nights and I would take him to see the film, and when he managed to do this, I said to him see it shows e was very brave and that he didn't really need to come into mums bed every night.
Dont get me wrong it didnt end there, and he still come to get in every so often but that is few and far between now.
Sounds like you son is still getting used to everything, he will settle down.