Younger children at a funeral - yay or nay?

[Bluebabe75]

I took Emma to my Nan's funeral (she was less than 2 weeks old at the time) and it helped me and my sister having her there. My sister ended up taking Emma up to cuddle while she did a reading. Obviously that was a completely different situation though - I genuinely couldn't leave her and she was far too young to know anything anyway.

We didn't take Matthew or my niece though - they both came to the wake in the pub afterwards and that was ok, but I wouldn't have wanted them to be at the funeral.

[Dr Spouse]

We took Baby S to my MIL's funeral a few weeks ago but at his age it was no more than a group of people smiling at him and singing.
My cousin went to her grandmother's and grandfather's funerals aged 18 months and 3 years - both with coffins - I doubt she took much in at the first one but her parents thought it was important to take her to the second and, at the time, she knew it was to say goodbye, and it didn't seem to bother her that people were crying.

[Sugar Kane]

Hi

Have you spoken to L about the funeral at all? My brother in law died unexpectedly when DS was 6 and I was unsure about whether he should attend the funeral as I knew that people were going to be very upset and DS is also a very sensitive child so I wasn't sure how he would cope. However, DS said he wanted to be there to say goodbye and I can honestly say that he was a tremendous help and comfort on what was an absolutely horrendous day.

Hope you manage to reach a solution

Abbi

[Rosa]

I've had no choice but to take mine to several funerals, but one of us stays outside the service bit, and then the kids come to the gathering afterwards, which has been fine.

[calfee]

My gran died last month and we didn't consider DS2 (almost 4) or DD (almost 11, but a very emotional child) coming to the funeral. DS1 is almost 13, mature for his age and heading into S2 at high school, so we gave him the option if he wanted to come or not. It was a cremation and we had over a week to wait before the funeral and he swithered about coming quite a bit. He asked all about the service and we explained that he would see folks he loved (ie me and my parents) upset, and that it wasn't scary etc etc. He came, he went in the funeral car with us, held up amazingly well during the service and at the line up at the end, he went over between my father and brother and shook the mourners hands I was so proud of him.

[fifitrix]

Nay.

Children aren't there to "comfort" us, we put their needs ahead of ours. I wouldn't take my 6 yr old to a funeral. I won't take her to my parents if she doesn't want to go, too upsetting seeing all of her family cry.

I agree with all of this I didn't take J to OH's granny's funeral (which meant I didn't go myself) It would have been horrible for her. We didn't shy away from the fact that she died; we just didn't feel it was constructive in any way

[thirzasmum]

I'd say take them. Death is a fact of life IYSWIM and the death of an elderly relative is but the fulfilment of a long and hopefully happy life. THe start of the "next great adventure" as Dumbledore put it.

People are sad because they'll miss the person, but if you have a faith it's "on to better things" for an elderly person who's "body is worn out". If you don't have a faith then you and your child need to look at the wonderful legacy that person has left behind-descendents, friends who's lives have changed because they knew them, grandmas cake recipie to make, grandads garden to look at or what ever.

This funeral may seem difficult to take them to but remember the next may be really really difficult as it could be a grandparent rather than a great grandparent, and you are likely to be much less able to help them through it as your emotions will be to the fore.

A "rattling good funeral" with great memories shared and celebration of a life well lived is nothing to be scared of, emotionally charged yes with sadness and smiles, maybe even laughter. But not scary.

[bluekat]

at the line up at the end, he went over between my father and brother and shook the mourners hands

what a wee star.

[helpimfalling]

Iv took mine to close family funerals like my nan i think it was okay for them at the time and I would still take them now even though we were all sad we use it more as a celebration of life more then anything else x


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[DillyDally]

I'd say take them. Death is a fact of life IYSWIM and the death of an elderly relative is but the fulfilment of a long and hopefully happy life. THe start of the "next great adventure" as Dumbledore put it.

People are sad because they'll miss the person, but if you have a faith it's "on to better things" for an elderly person who's "body is worn out". If you don't have a faith then you and your child need to look at the wonderful legacy that person has left behind-descendents, friends who's lives have changed because they knew them, grandmas cake recipie to make, grandads garden to look at or what ever.

This funeral may seem difficult to take them to but remember the next may be really really difficult as it could be a grandparent rather than a great grandparent, and you are likely to be much less able to help them through it as your emotions will be to the fore.

A "rattling good funeral" with great memories shared and celebration of a life well lived is nothing to be scared of, emotionally charged yes with sadness and smiles, maybe even laughter. But not scary.

I tend to agree - although it does depend on the child, I can see that.

My BIL died when DS2 was about 9, and DS1 was 11 (but has a learning disability). They both came to the funeral - DS2 was very upset at the thought of not being allowed to go and say goodbye to his uncle. They have lots of cousins, and none of them were at the funeral - one of DH's brothers didn't even tell their children their uncle had died We all approach these things very differently, I think you need to speak to your husband, and to L, about it