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    1. #1

      My boyfriend has moved in and I need to sort out who pays what. Advice needed please.

      My partner has recently moved in with me and I would really appreciate some advice on how to split bills etc to make sure things are fair. He has just moved out of a rented flat, and I have a mortgage on my house.

      He has agreed to pay half of bills like the council tax and fuel, but doesn't think it is right to pay half of the mortgage. I can see his point, but it does mean that he is making a massive saving as he is no longer paying his rent. I also have a car, which he doesn't drive, but he does get the advantage of it, for example when we drive to visit his family who live quite a distance away or when we go out. He hasn't offered to pay anything towards petrol or anything car related so far.

      In addition, he has much more expensive taste than me in food and groceries, and I seem to be spending far more when I go to the supermarket (which I do more often than him as he hates food shopping). Even if we were to split a weekly online shop, the bill for his things would be about twice mine as he eats meat and fish (which I don't) and he always wants top end products, even down to the toiletries, washing liquid and cleaning products that he uses. I don't want to be mean and start adding up how much each of our items cost, but I do seem to be taking the brunt of his expensive taste at the moment.

      I am really bad about talking about money and I know that I should have sorted all this out before he moved in, so it is partly my fault. I got really resentful at the weekend when he announced that he had just transferred 2,000 into his ISA this month. He is saving lots of money now he is living with me, but I am no better off. I don't want to seem mean and penny pinching, but I was expecting him to offer to contribute more. He has been married and always said that he paid his fair share even though his ex-wife earned a lot more than him. I earn a little bit more than him, but not much more when you take account of deductions.

      What would you do? Are there any other damsels who have been in this position?

    2. #2

      Re: My boyfriend has moved in and I need to sort out who pays what. Advice needed please.

      Tricky.

      When my DH moved in, I didn't want him contributing to the house maintenance or the mortgage, as I'm sure that if we did divorce if he can prove he's paid toward the mortgage he then has a claim on the house. It's my house, I paid for it

      What we did in the early days is very roughly split it- I paid the mortgage and household bills, he paid all the shopping, fuelled the car, meals out and other expenses. It worked out pretty even.

      I think if he's unwilling to pay toward the mortgage then you need to charge him going rate rent TBH, it sounds like you have a bit of a problem, I don't see how anybody thinks it's OK to live rent free in someones house? I think you need to sit down, add up both your outgoings, and decide who pays what.

      Another solution is to set up a joint account, and each pay x amount a month. All your bills come out of that, and it's only used for bills.

    3. #3
      Ginger rules
      Location
      Scotland
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      6,987

      Re: My boyfriend has moved in and I need to sort out who pays what. Advice needed please.

      I think money is always a tricky one to sort out and there are no rights and wrongs - just what works for the two of you.

      Perhaps you should start by drawing up individual budgets - before and post moving in together and then talk through them. I can see why he doesn't want to contribute to the mortgage, but you could charge him rent?

      At the moment you sound resentful and unless you sort this out, that resentment will damage your relationship. Maybe sorting it out doesn't mean changing what each pays but you do have to be happy with the arrangement.

      I hope you can find a way through that works for you.

      Bop

    4. #4
      Got husband, need wife! Dr Spouse
      Location
      In my mad scientist laboratory, getting children to do difficult things
      Posts
      13,395

      Re: My boyfriend has moved in and I need to sort out who pays what. Advice needed please.

      Faith, and Sassie, I suspect that if you both put in the same amount of money to the household but one partner is not nominally paying the mortgage, the courts would see it as if they had been. It is now the home of both of you.

      I think the joint account for bills is probably the way to go. You can also use it for joint fun things like dinners out and holidays (I don't get how couples who live together "owe" each other money for things like that), and keep personal items/work items/clothing separate.

    5. #5

      Re: My boyfriend has moved in and I need to sort out who pays what. Advice needed please.

      But surely Sassie is allowed to charge him some sort of rent without it being considered him contributing to the mortgage? Surely he can't just stay there rent-free?

    6. #6

      Re: My boyfriend has moved in and I need to sort out who pays what. Advice needed please.

      Quote Originally Posted by Miss_Jane View Post
      But surely Sassie is allowed to charge him some sort of rent without it being considered him contributing to the mortgage? Surely he can't just stay there rent-free?
      Only if he is officially a 'tenant' with a tenancy agreement etc.

      Aside from splitting the monthly expenses Sassie I wouldbe tempted to see a solicitor anyway to find out what you need to do to protect your interests in case it all does go wrong further down the line.

    7. #7
      Truly Blessed bluekat
      Location
      Far Far Away
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      14,581

      Re: My boyfriend has moved in and I need to sort out who pays what. Advice needed please.

      Quote Originally Posted by Sassie View Post
      but doesn't think it is right to pay half of the mortgage.
      Run, run as fast as you can. Or alternatively kick the tightwad out.

      Expensive tastes? Of course, because he's taking you for a mug.

      You should have sorted all this out before you let him park his arse on your sofa!

      George and Brad, free with every BlueKat post...bargain !

    8. #8

      Re: My boyfriend has moved in and I need to sort out who pays what. Advice needed please.

      You need proper legal advice about the mortgage. Everything else needs a frank discussion about how you both feel, and a reasonable compromise. If you're already feeling put-upon then it doesn't bode well for your relationship. Financial problems, or differing attitudes to money can split a couple up very quickly, and it's really worth making the effort to clarify how you both feel. If nothing else it will show how well you both cope with problem-solving and conflict.
      (For the record, I pay everything, but from a joint account). MrQ doesn't really care about what gets spent where, just so long as he's warm and well fed. He doesn't actually know how much I earn, but if he asked I'd tell him. He won't ask, and when I think about it, I'm fairly sure that he doesn't know how much he earns either! When he brought in more money than me, he never begrudged the money he spent supporting me,and I feel the same now that the situation is reversed.

    9. #9
      Damsel Diva DKNI
      Location
      in a happy place
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      9,223

      Re: My boyfriend has moved in and I need to sort out who pays what. Advice needed please.

      Not that I live with a man now, but I did live with a tightwad before. I would suggest he pays have the utilities and if he wants expensive food then he needs to pay for the full grocery bill thereby negating the mortgage situation.

      Get it sorted out now with a full list of all expenses or it will destroy the relationship. Also has he NEVER offered to give you petrol money? My mum helps me do the shopping by driving me there and back and I give her money for petrol and thats a short journey!!!!
      Andie



    10. #10
      Sleepy Damsel Funky Mum
      Location
      The Moon
      Posts
      3,213

      Re: My boyfriend has moved in and I need to sort out who pays what. Advice needed please.

      Have a look at this:

      http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governme...ship/DG_193775

      If he's paying towards bills, he 'could' try to claim he owns a share should you split up, by saying he was contributing by paying the bills.

      If he's only just moved in, and you're already uncomfortable about the money side of things (which you obviously are, since you posted here about it), and it appears difficult for you to talk to him about such things, then that does ring alarm bells. Don't allow romance to get in the way of looking out for yourself and protecting your own interests.

      Get a cohabitation agreement drawn up, and if he kicks off or tries to tell you it's not necessary, or that you're offending him by getting him to sign such an agreement etc etc then he's maybe not the right guy for you. There's a sample of a template agreement here: http://www.clickdocs.co.uk/samples/cohabitation.pdf but Google cohabitation agreement and you'll find loads more. Some free, some for a nominal fee.

      If you think of the worst case scenario, that you split up and then he decides to claim half the house, how would that make you feel compared to having a serious talk to him now and signing an agreement so you both know where you are?

      Look out for yourself!

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