My boyfriend has moved in and I need to sort out who pays what. Advice needed please.

[santafi]

Oh Hun that sounds like an awful conversation. My OH stays here most nights as he works locally and at the moment he's just paying the difference in the bills as he's got his own place as well.

When he eventually moves in properly we'll split everything 50/50 as its only fair.

I really hope you're able to get things sorted with him.

*hugs*

[LiLi]

Hugs from me too. What a horrible conversation that must have been last night. Particularly as you do say you love each other, and it's horrid to fall out with those you love.

However ... maybe it's not a bad thing that his attitude about money has come to the fore so soon? It's one of the main causes of arguments between couples, and will always crop up in some form or other - whether it's an argument about who pays the mortgage, or why you bought a new dress, or who pays for drinks when you go out ...

Elvisola's idea is a good one in terms of calling his bluff, but I would be concerned that you have different attitudes towards money, full stop. I also don't like the sound of the passive-agressive thing. You sound far too nice to be messed about like this, especially if you've have relationship problems in the past.

to you again.

[Rosa]

I have a friend who's boyfriend moved in to the flat she owned, he paid half the mortgage and when she sold (they did split up in the end) he got a share of the profit, in line with what he had put in, they had had this drawn up by a lawyer and they were both happy about it.

In your shoes though, I'm not sure I'd even want to be living with someone who was horrible to me like that. It's a relatively new relationship and he is just not considering you at all which is worrying. I don't undertstand why he hates the area so much, surely its just lovely that you are living together and getting to spend lots of time together.

I agree that moving somewhere new together would be a good plan.

[Damsella]

Actually he sounds like a right whinger

[Velvet Chain]

I think Evisola has hit the nail on the end and it is a brilliant idea. If you rent out your house you are keeping all the equity that you have built up in the event that you do split up and in the meantime if you rent, then things will be more equal for you guys financially as things can be split 50/50 without any arguing......I certainly wouldn't be looking to buy a house with this guy right now and be putting in the larger amount financially.

If he doesn't want to move out and you guys rent somewhere together then I think you need to seriously look at what is going to happen in your relationship.

[Dr Know]

Well that went badly! I broached the subject of money, and said that I realised we hadn't really sorted it out properly yet. I suggested that we look at all the household expenditure, including the car and the mortgage, and see if we can find a way of splitting the costs equitably, without him paying the mortgage. I said that maybe he could pay more, or all of the council tax for example, or pay more towards the food. He took great offence and accused me of trying to make him pay towards the mortgage by the back door, and said I was trying to rip him off. He feels very strongly that the mortgage is my investment, and sees nothing wrong with the fact that he is saving money by living with me. He said that if we do buy a house together in a few years' time, he will put his savings into it. And if we split up, his savings will help him find somewhere else to live. He did say that he would pay half the petrol when we visit his family.

He told me that he felt really disappointed in me, and he was going to take legal advice before he agreed to anything. I tried to calm him down, and said that I just wanted things to be fair. He just reiterated that he was disappointed in my attitude and that I was trying to get him to pay my mortgage. He has gone to bed in a huff and is refusing to talk anymore about it. I feel really upset and confused. I can see that we were both tired and with hindsight it wasn't a good thing to discuss in the evening, but he took offence so easily and made me feel like I was mean and money grabbing. I don't know what to do.

Oh dear. I would be kicking him out faster than he can speed-dial his 'council' I'm afraid. He sounds like seriously bad news

[Miss P]

I think that if he won't contribute and hates the area so much, then he should get his own flat, in an area he feels happy in and that he feels he can settle in. That way you can concentrate on other areas of your relationship, have your own space and eliminate this area of conflict. You don't have to live with each other, I have some friends who have been together for 9 years but don't live with each other through choice as they are very different. I'm not saying that you should do the same forever but it certainly might help until you can work out a situation that works for you both.

Agree with parkejm, here. Let him find his own flat until you are both feel ready and able to move into somewhere new together and split everything 50/50.

His passive-aggressive behaviour did ring serious alarm bells for me though and for that reason alone I would be seriously reconsidering the whole relationship

Really hope you can sort something out that works for you

[Dr Know]

His passive-aggressive behaviour did ring serious alarm bells for me though and for that reason alone I would be seriously reconsidering the whole relationship

ITA

[Samba]

You've had loads of great advice, just want to give a little and say I hope you can work things out amicably. If he really does love you, then he will want to too

[bluekat]

Oh dear. I would be kicking him out faster than he can speed-dial his 'council' I'm afraid. He sounds like seriously bad news

This.

This conversation came from a bloke who you are in a relatively new relationship with. You've moved in together and plan to get a place in a couple of years. At this stage he should be loving and cherishing you and making you happy, not freeloading and jumping down your throat when you have the audacity to question it.

Is this the guy you want sharing your life and home? Really?