My boyfriend has moved in and I need to sort out who pays what. Advice needed please.

[Raspberry beret]

I agree with everyone who suggested making sure you protect your house and get legal advice.

How about splitting the interest portion of the mortgage 50/50 and you pay the repayment part yourself? Or see what the going rent for a similar house is and he pays half of that. I'd be looking for a compromise on the food shopping budget, maybe you can accept a few more branded products and he can eat veggie meals a few times a week? and do it online so you can both do it.

[Dr Know]

Sorry to be the voice of doom and gloom but I don't like the sound of this at all. Been there, done that (several times ). The thing about the groceries alone sets off alarm bells in my head. If he doesn't like shopping that he can bloody well eat what you buy. End of.

If I were you, I would continue paying the mortgage AlONE and let him pay for just about everything else. And this definitely includes 100% of the petrol when you go to visit his family.

You need to take the bull by the corns - I really hope you manage to sort it out. But don't forget, if he doesn't like your new 'management strategy ' he's in it for the wrong reasons

[January]

Run, run as fast as you can. Or alternatively kick the tightwad out.

Expensive tastes? Of course, because he's taking you for a mug.

You should have sorted all this out before you let him park his arse on your sofa!

I agree with this.

If you feel there's a future in this (and what you've described would be ringing major alarm bells for me), you must take proper steps now to sort out the financial arrangements with protecting your interests being paramount.

As for the shopping and visiting his family at your expense, he'd be doing his own and taking public transport until something fairer was arranged in this house.

[Sassie]

Well that went badly! I broached the subject of money, and said that I realised we hadn't really sorted it out properly yet. I suggested that we look at all the household expenditure, including the car and the mortgage, and see if we can find a way of splitting the costs equitably, without him paying the mortgage. I said that maybe he could pay more, or all of the council tax for example, or pay more towards the food. He took great offence and accused me of trying to make him pay towards the mortgage by the back door, and said I was trying to rip him off. He feels very strongly that the mortgage is my investment, and sees nothing wrong with the fact that he is saving money by living with me. He said that if we do buy a house together in a few years' time, he will put his savings into it. And if we split up, his savings will help him find somewhere else to live. He did say that he would pay half the petrol when we visit his family.

He told me that he felt really disappointed in me, and he was going to take legal advice before he agreed to anything. I tried to calm him down, and said that I just wanted things to be fair. He just reiterated that he was disappointed in my attitude and that I was trying to get him to pay my mortgage. He has gone to bed in a huff and is refusing to talk anymore about it. I feel really upset and confused. I can see that we were both tired and with hindsight it wasn't a good thing to discuss in the evening, but he took offence so easily and made me feel like I was mean and money grabbing. I don't know what to do.

[janiebaby]

warning bells definatley are going off , Sassie , sorry not much help but the fact hes turned it round to you is a deal breaker to me

[Julesb]

I'd be telling him to go get his savings and find himself a nice little flat to rent.

He's taking the piss and you are being too damn nice..

[parkejm]

Just read this, and I agree with the others. There are a lot of alarm bells going off. He seems to me to be very manipulating, passive-aggressive, bullying and controlling by even refusing to discuss it properly.

I think that the first thing you should do is seek legal advice - knowing your rights is a must. Sorry it's not gone too well this evening

[LibertyGal72]

Parkejm's captured it.

Sorry Sassie. Appreciate you are having a tough time at work at the moment. (Been there, done that recently myself). But he is taking the pi$$

I would certainly be having a rethink about what is in this for you. He's hardly loving and cherishing now, is he? And you're doing all the running about, worrying for both of you and paying the bills.

This: "He did say that he would pay half the petrol when we visit his family." Just has me in shock. If he wants to visit his family then he pays for the fecking petrol. Tell him you haven't the money to fill the car so either he pays for it or you don't go.

Seriously. You are worth much more than this.

"He told me that he felt really disappointed in me,...". What is he? Your Dad? Actually the whole conversation sounds like something I might have had with my brother who I bought up for the best part of the year - including not asking for any rent etc when he was out of work. Threw that in my face soon enough when it no longer suited him.

Hope you can work it out love, don't let anyone take the pi$$. The fact that you're asking us for opinions, says enought about the situation.

[Damsella]

So, he wants to live in your house for nothing, and use your car for nothing, whilst keeping his savings escape route? Nice guy.

He did say that he would pay half the petrol when we visit his family.

What a prince!

[joanne62]

I think I would be asking him to find alternative accommodation