my sister has separated from her husband - what does she need to do?

**mrsironted** · 03-03-2012, 09:29pm

As title really.

He's an alcoholic and it all came to a head earlier this week. He is now in an undisclosed location (?rehab, ?psych unit).

She is adament that he is not coming back into the house, has changed the locks etc. She is now looking at sorting out the mess he has left their finances in.

My first question is how does she make it official that they have separated?

I'm sure there are loads more to come but lets start there

**LibertyGal72** · 03-03-2012, 10:43pm

Am sure someone who is more aware/experienced will come along

But to start with,do they have a joint bank a/c?

If she's claiming tax credits she needs to tell HMRC about her change in circs

**mrsironted** · 03-03-2012, 11:38pm

Thankfully they don't have a joint bank account, he had access to her account but that has know been stopped.

She going to change child benefit to her name and I've advised her to call the tax office to inform them of change of circumstances.

Given that he is possibly in hospital and hasn't moved out as such, how does that affect council tax/ tax credits?

My little sister is going round tomorrow go help go through paperwork, so i'll guess she'll know more then.

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**Faith** · 04-03-2012, 08:22am

Get legal advice. First session is usually free.

Contact banks etc, get any joint assets, accounts or debts frozen until things are sorted officially.

But get legal advice. As soon as she can. Then she won't do anything that will possibly weaken her position.

**mrsgrumpy** · 04-03-2012, 08:26am

Also tell school and any childminding facility if he isn't going to have 'care and control', and let the neighbours know. I don't know quite how you go about this, but she'll have to make it official so that he can be rehoused - sounds like social services may already be involved.

**DillyDally** · 04-03-2012, 10:33am

Is the house in both their names? Because if it is she can't prevent him having access to the house by changing the locks

**Bettie May** · 04-03-2012, 12:52pm

Yes... what Dilly Dally said. I was in the unfortunate situation that my XDH was on the mortgage only and not me. This meant he could come and go when he pleased and did just that. He took my mobile, odd shoes and random stuff when I was out. The police said I couldn't stop him but finally one chap said to just do it as it rarely went to court. Unfortunately preventing him access just meant he did stupid things like cut my phone cable outside.

Also think about other things such as cars. Who is on the log book? I owned my car but my ex was on the paperwork so I had to get him to sign it over to me etc.

It might mean they have to come face to face in mediation to sort all this stuff out but the solicitor can give her all the contact details for that. Most of it can be sorted with legal aid but unfortunately due the cuts they won't take much to court anymore. I haven't and never will get my divorce settlement because of this. A few grand may not seem like a lot to them but it's the kids who will now suffer.

Really hope she can sort most of it amicably. Most people I know have come out of things ok, it's just me that seems to have been completely shafted with both my divorces/separations!!

**mrsironted** · 04-03-2012, 02:23pm

Originally Posted by mrsgrumpy

Also tell school and any childminding facility if he isn't going to have 'care and control', and let the neighbours know. I don't know quite how you go about this, but she'll have to make it official so that he can be rehoused - sounds like social services may already be involved.

We hadn't thought of school.

Social services aren't involved afaik. I'll talk to her about that.

Originally Posted by DillyDally

Is the house in both their names? Because if it is she can't prevent him having access to the house by changing the locks

They rent in joint names.

Originally Posted by Bettie May

Yes... what Dilly Dally said. I was in the unfortunate situation that my XDH was on the mortgage only and not me. This meant he could come and go when he pleased and did just that. He took my mobile, odd shoes and random stuff when I was out. The police said I couldn't stop him but finally one chap said to just do it as it rarely went to court. Unfortunately preventing him access just meant he did stupid things like cut my phone cable outside.

Also think about other things such as cars. Who is on the log book? I owned my car but my ex was on the paperwork so I had to get him to sign it over to me etc.

It might mean they have to come face to face in mediation to sort all this stuff out but the solicitor can give her all the contact details for that. Most of it can be sorted with legal aid but unfortunately due the cuts they won't take much to court anymore. I haven't and never will get my divorce settlement because of this. A few grand may not seem like a lot to them but it's the kids who will now suffer.

Really hope she can sort most of it amicably. Most people I know have come out of things ok, it's just me that seems to have been completely shafted with both my divorces/separations!!

You have been really unlucky, BM. Hopefully they will be able to sort it amicably. At the moment she's in limbo because she doesn't know where he is.

Thank you all for the advice

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**bluekat** · 04-03-2012, 03:16pm

Originally Posted by DillyDally

Is the house in both their names? Because if it is she can't prevent him having access to the house by changing the locks

True. I did it, though, with my ex and nothing untoward happened.

**Bettie May** · 05-03-2012, 10:00am

I would tell her to speak to the landlord/letting agency and get them to change it to her name only if they can do that. So long as she is able to pay the full rent without his help I can 't see there being a problem.