To try for a 3rd or not?!!

**dustbin** · 18-07-2012, 12:50pm

In a word - yes! It has taken me a while to get to this point as my daughter was hard work in pregnancy and for the first year (still is a delightful challenge!). We have financial worries and have just moved house again so have to deal with bigger mortgage plus higher council tax, utilities etx. Can't survive on one salary for any length of time either while off on mat leave and childcare costs are ridiculous (I am working part-time at the moment). The way the school system works here means my son is only just starting after the summer and my daughter won't start for 3 more years so lots more childcare to pay for. Worried for my mental health a bit too as stress levels were high for a long time after having a second and concerned a third would push me over the edge! I do feel slightly closer to the 'done' feeling and looking forward to the kids being older and moving on to the next stage. There is also the feeling, whcih I am sure must be a common one, of feeling lucky with what I have and not wanting to push it and for something to go wrong. I don't know about fertility either. I am only 34 this year so I feel I have time on my side a bit.
BUT, having said all that, the feeling of broodiness is not going anywhere so I think there is only one thing for it!
What are you thinking? I know what you mean about never feeling done. I worried about that too. But I do think I am edging closer to it.

**S-J** · 18-07-2012, 01:06pm

Originally Posted by Madwife

I love having 3

I keep toying with the idea of 4

Your wish came true

**Miss_Jane** · 18-07-2012, 05:23pm

I'm a bit like you Dustbin. We are managing on one salary just now (I don't work) and can afford to have holidays (in the UK out of season!) and don't have to think too much about money just now but I worry if we had a third that we wouldn't cope financially, I don't think either of my kids have been particularly difficult but neither have been good sleepers and the lack of sleep has killed me the second time, so I also worry how I would cope if there was a third child in the mix!

Then there is age gaps, I have no idea what sort of age gap I would like to have. I know you cannot plan these things, it might take us years to conceive, but I wonder when would we start trying? Would I want a similar age gap to what we have just now? I worry if we had a bigger gap that the younger one would be left out, especially if it turned out to be a boy! But then I love the idea of having another baby once my 2 are a bit older and both at school, so that I can devote time to DD2 (once DD1 is at school) then I could devote time to the baby too (once DD2 had started school).

A lot to think about!!

**claireh** · 18-07-2012, 09:52pm

Miss_jane we too are still undecided. Nothing has changed, oh still works long hours and travels frequently.

Any mums of three or more that do it all on their own with no family around to help? How do you find it? Does it get easier with three in the way that one is hard and then you get in to the way of it and then with two its like OMFG and then it gets easier again?

**Honey Dew** · 18-07-2012, 11:01pm

I'm going to have 6 in a few weeks.

My husband works away probably 5 wks out of 6. My family are in the uk and his are interstate so I don't really have any back up.

You just do what you've got to do. I am very structured with my days and that gets me by.

***Holly*** · 18-07-2012, 11:07pm

No advice as such as I have no children yet but my mum once said to me that when she just had me (the eldest) it was all quite easy. Just put me in the buggy and off we went. She said she felt like everything changed when she had 2 as it suddenly seemed like her whole life was kids, then it seemed to make no difference to have a 3rd.

**TopStar** · 19-07-2012, 09:16am

Well I thought we decided 2 is enough (although I don't feel done), DH said yesterday 'are u sure?!' I thought he was done done but he's now saying such things

Gah! It's hard work for me ATM w two, our times running out too. Do we leave it or go for it? It might be physically v v challenging for me, both pregnancy,birth & having 3 under four. I don't drive so getting out & about is a big job!

**WeeBird** · 19-07-2012, 09:59am

Originally Posted by claireh

Any mums of three or more that do it all on their own with no family around to help? How do you find it? Does it get easier with three in the way that one is hard and then you get in to the way of it and then with two its like OMFG and then it gets easier again?

Well I have four (aged 1, 3, 5 and 7) and no help from family. My family are at best 200 miles away and DHs family are uninterested. My DH also works away Sun-Fri every week

I'm not going to lie - it is hard work being the only one there to get stuff done.

Don't forget that as you have another baby, your eldest will more than likely be near enough ready to go to school

I have two at school and two at home so really on a full-time basis I 'only' have two kids. Also, like Honey Dew, I have a very good routine going and each of the kids is very clear about what happens and when.

**donna-j** · 19-07-2012, 10:04am

If you are undecided I would wait until your youngest is at least 2, maybe 2.5. I desperately wanted a third and now look back and realise that it was just hormones. I am so glad that we stopped at 2.