I'm not coping with anything!

**rayray** · 20-02-2012, 06:45pm

I know I don't necessarily post lots on here, but feel that if i just get this all down and out it might help me put things into perspective!
I'm really not coping with a lot of stuff that's going on at the moment. I'm just going to be totally honest and get it all out.

ok, so at work, 2 of my colleagues are delaing with cancer. One lady had breast cancer some years ago and now it has returned and is in her bones and there's a tumour on her brain. She is being so incredibly strong and it amazes me! she has a supportive family around her but the thought of what she's going to have to go through, again, breaks my heart. My other colleague found a lump after christmas and has had a lumpectomy but the cancer has spread to her lymph nodes and she now needs to have those removed. She is so scared! and as the ehad of our school she is such an influential and impressive lady that it's hard to fathom her being away from work and being almost helpless! plus all of us are so stressed and worried it's only a matter of time before all the children pick up on this...they are so young to worry about something like this!

At home i have numerous other issues, my parents are both having heart issues at the moment, which are controllable but worrying nonetheless, and now my brother, who had a break down last christmas and is currently on antidepressants, is also going to see a cardiologist! Plus, not everyone in my family knows all of this and i feel like i know it all and am carrying it.
on top of this the man i've been seeing for the last 5 months or so (who incidentally lives next door) has said he doesnt want anything serious which has really hit my confidence hard and i already have issues with this as i am trying to deny the fact that i quite probably have an eating disorder!
i just feel such a mess and that everything is getting far too much for me to deal with!

its scary gettting all that down in writing, especially the last bit,
no need to reply, just wanted to get it out of my head
x

**WeeBird** · 20-02-2012, 07:57pm

rayray, I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time

I hope things get better for you very soon. I'm sorry, I am rubbish at advice but I could not read and run

**Cat** · 20-02-2012, 08:00pm

No wonder you're feeling the way you are, with so much to deal with at the moment.

**Anne** · 20-02-2012, 10:04pm

Sending

for you need support too. I think for you to be able to cope with everyone elses problems you need to have some support yourself. Maybe having a chap who can just be there for you and not demand anything extra, would be good for you. You dont need relationship demands ATM. The bit about the eating may need some help though. You have acknowledged you "may" have a problem, why not go and talk to your doctor about it. If you dont think you could tell him, try writing it down instead. That way it will help start the conversation off. Maybe its time for a bit of self love?

**helpimfalling** · 20-02-2012, 10:32pm

Aww im sorry big hugs to you! Xx

**Biba** · 21-02-2012, 05:06pm

rayray sending you lots of

Cancer and health scares are really hard to deal with (fil is currently waiting for a scan after worrying his cancer is back for a 5th time)

Is there anyone in the family that you could share the load with it is an awful lot for one person to deal with on their own.

I really hope things pick up soon x

**Tara** · 21-02-2012, 05:15pm

Oh Rayray, what a great deal of suffering you are having to deal with at the moment. I'm so sorry that so much has come all at once. I'm not surprised that you're feeling so overwhelmed. When grief is coming from every direction, it's really important to look after yourself. You can't give if there is nothing to give. It's important to distinguish between what you can alter and that which you can't and then proceed accordingly. Eating disorders aren't good, and maybe now is the time to decide that you're going to do something about it before it becomes any worse. Can you make an appointment with your GP to talk about it? When there is so little that you can control, don't let this be added to the list. Take one step at a time. And we’ll be here for you.

**rayray** · 22-02-2012, 08:34pm

thanks for the replies and the hugs, i really do appreciate them!
I feel a bit better today, think everything just got completely on top of me on monday. am tryign the theory of just not thinking about any of it for now!
don't fancy going to my gp tbh, feels like id be seriously admitting certain issues i have and im totally not ready for that!! would make it all more real and serious, so denial is the way to go for now!
x