Mum - alzheimers

[Roseyposey]

Really really sorry to hear that Dr Spouse, that's terribly sad

[Mrs B]

**hugs** Dr s.

[Roseyposey]

Just when I thought things were picking up, Mum has never been great over Winter, loves the sun. They came over last week and she seemed so much brighter and sharper and was answering questions fairly quickly and joining in conversation quite well.

Fast forward to last night, I was cooking dinner for me and DH, he was putting DD to bed (7m ish). Phone rang and I thought it would be the stables as I'd left a message for them. Wrong! It was my Dad in a mild panic because mum was in a state, didn't know who he was, didn't know where she was, said she had to go home to her parents (they both died 12, 25 years ago respectively) and that she was going to call the police. He asked me to calm her down, so I spoke to her for a while.

My poor mum, she sounded so frightened, and when I called her mum, she said "I'm sorry but you are wrong, I'm not your mother." It was like a stab in the heart. Anyway, carried on "counselling" her and managed to calm her, distracted her from her panic and talked about her day, the garden, food, weather, and then calmly asked her to have a sit down, make a drink, not call the police and take some nice deep breaths. I was a bit selfish I'm afraid and asked her again if she knew me, and she said no but that it was nice talking to me

Came off the phone, said goodnight to DD, made and ate dinner and then called back, ready to jump in the car and go up to see them. She answered the phone and was totally different. Knew who I was, said she was thankful for my concern and that she had realised where she was. Still didn't know my Dad though. She also said that it started when she came in from the garden (I've warned my Dad aoubt letting her do too much, grrrrr - think her blood sugar gets low) and she was expecting to see her children and we weren't there. My mum isn't one for expressions of affection, and told me in this conversation "I miss you." I told her I missed her too and it was all I could do not to start bawling on the phone! We chatted a bit longer and she said she was going to sit and have some turkish delight and a cup of tea and relax, said no need for me to go up.

I had a darn good cry afterwards. I could have kept it in and bottled it, but after a run of bad dreams lately when I do that, I let it out. Don't know why I'm writing it here like a diary! I do really, really miss my mum. I bought her a card yesterday and very nearly started crying reading the lovely verses in the mothers day cards.

Hope everyone else is doing ok with this cruel heartbreaking disease

[jamsplat]

Hugs to everyone who has a loved one suffering with dementia

Mum has always known Lucy (my DD) thank goodness,

You know DH's gran always knew who DD1 was right up until the end, although she didn't reliably know who DH was. F had quite a bond with her greatgrandma

[Roseyposey]

Hope you are all well.

Not sure if I should start a new thread on this? Topic is still the same.

Things have been ok, mum is much the same, probably going downhill at a slow pace if I think about it. SHe's had a few times when she's not known me, even getting very cross with me for calling her mum (its hard not to), and telling me she's not my mother.

Worst thing thats happened since I was last here was a couple of weeks ago. She doesn't know my Dad most of the time but has the odd lucid moment. In one of those, she told my Dad that she'd had sex with someone else. Its probably true (I did catch them kissing once, about 20 years ago) but I never told anyone and certainly never wanted my Dad to know. He lived opposite us and was a family friend, but my mum spent a lot of time with him. My Dad (luckily) has put it down to the Alzheimers. Its odd that she chose to bring it up now, I wonder if its been with her all these years - the guilt.

Dad is finding it increasingly hard to cope with her, and at the same time stubborn andstill won't face the idea of respite or a residential home. My sister phoned today and said that he's getting fed up with her and gets cross with her, so she's going to stay with her sister in Devon for a bit as a holiday so he can have a short break and then go and join her.

My sister and I have made the decision to start looking at homes without telling him so that we are at least a bit prepared for when it comes to that. It feels awful and I know it won't be enjoyable, but i think we need to face it and then help Dad face it at some stage in the near future.

Its such a cruel, cruel disease, its torn them apart, their beautiful marriage ending this way. He's done brilliantly to make it this far, but i'm not sure how much longer she'll be at home.

[Purple Lady]

HI RP, sorry to hear that. Its is a cruel disease and just a downward spiral. My dad is now in a nursing home but while he was in hospital, they started him on a mild dose of alzheimers drug. My family really feel it has helped him, hes still very forgetfull but he remembers our names when we visit him and is much more 'with it' than other patients in the n/home. When he was at home, it would get a bit physical between my parents as my mum would lock him in to stop him from wandering into the roads etc and he would get very frustrated with her and she would be angry back. Now hes got more freedom at the home as can go into the gardens and wander around and chat to many people like visitors and nursing staff who are lovely actually. He turned 83 last week so is doing very well. Its so sad with some of the patients at the home, theres a woman who is 55, which is so young to have got dementia.

Is there any chance you culd ask GP to start your mum on any alzheimers drug? Good luck with looking at the homes, hope you find one even if its one that can offer short term care, at least that will give your dad a break x

[Roseyposey]

Mums been on Aracet since last summer, to be honest, its not made any difference with her, I think they started it too late. She was also on an anti-pyschotic for a while to try and stop her "odd episodes" when she'd jump out of windows to try and escape my Dad, or threaten him with a knife, that sort of thing. She used to lock HIM out of the house. She was so incredibly doped up on the latter drug, that they stopped it completely and she's not violent anymore, but she can be extremely awkward. She is on anti-depressants as well.

Thing is that me and my sister can't imagine how a home would handle my mum. She doesn't sit down EVER and is always on the move. They have 3 acres which she can roam and she still does small gardening jobs outside, and inside shes constantly doing stuff (mostly chucking things away which drives Dad nuts, she's thrown away all of her shoes). So I don't know how this would work in a home. I've worked in two homes and I didn't know anyone quite like her, or as young. Presumably they'd have to drug her up again and I don't like the thought of that.

[Roseyposey]

PL. Sorry, my reply was a bit rushed, meant to ask you, how did you mum and dad feel when he moved into the home? Was it hard for your mum, or more relief? And did your Dad go willingly? I'm not sure how we'd manage it with my mum, she's turned incredibly stubborn, total opposite of how she was before, and I actually don't know how they'd handle her.....