Accepting yourself before you can make lasting changes

**Helski** · 03-01-2012, 01:19pm

It's January 3rd.

The weather is abismal.

Maybe you've gone back to work today or are awaiting it's arrival with a feeling of dread.

If you're feeling brave, you've checked your bank account and stepped on the scales. If not, you'll leave it till next week when a few days of not spending and not eating will be sure to undo all the Christmas and New Year damage.

How are you feeling?

Optimistic and enthusiastic about the week, month, year ahead? Or do you want to crawl back under the duvet and wait till Spring when you emerge refreshed and ready to face the world, happily discovering that someone has organised a new job for you, filled up your bank account and lost all that extra weight.

Errr, sorry but GET REAL!

Time to man up.

It's January 3rd. The year is but a pup.

The state of things is just that. No point trying to deny it, no point trying to lay blame on to someone else for it, no point trying to justify why. It just is.

If you want to move forward, the biggest thing you can do for yourself today is to accept that.
YOU put on the weight.
YOU spent the money.
YOU decided not to bother cleaning so yes, the house is a state.
YOU are doing a job you hate.
YOU are letting people take advantage of you.
YOU are in a place you don't want to be.

It doesn't make you a bad person.

Think about it this way. If a friend came to you hating themselves because they'd over eaten, over spent or didn't like their job, my guess is that what you'd tell them is a million miles away from what you'd tell yourself. You'd probably even use the words, "It's ok". Think about what you'd say to a friend and use those words to encourage yourself. Why not? No-one can hear you. It is ok.

Accepting it doesn't mean liking it, accepting it doesn't mean that you are happy that this is how things are right now.

Accepting it actually means the opposite and allows you to move forward. By accepting that you are responsible for where you are in life, you are accepting that you can change it as and when you are ready to.

You have a limited amount of energy every day, so you can either spend it worrying about things or working towards solutions for things. And you need to make the choice. No-one will make it for you and no-one benefits from making that change as much as you do.

So what are you waiting for, use today as a springboard, as a starting block.

Spend 15 minutes today thinking about the things in your life right now that you're not happy with. Get your facts together - check your bank account, get on the scales, think about your job, think about the things in your day to day life that you're not happy with.

Think about where you want to be next year. Think about the type of person you want to be; calm, happy, chilled, busy, productive, fun, worry free?

Most importantly tell yourself that where you are now is ok. It isn't where you want to be but it's ok to be where you are AT THE MOMENT.

Before you can move on AT ALL, you have to have self acceptance, it's the very centre of the cog that makes all the other bits work.

Make it happen

**mrsdunny207** · 03-01-2012, 06:27pm

Well said Hels! You really helped me to see that I could be in charge of my choices

**Helski** · 03-01-2012, 07:09pm

Originally Posted by mrsdunny207

Well said Hels! You really helped me to see that I could be in charge of my choices

Aww thanks hun. You were an absolute dream to coach tho

**Saffy** · 03-01-2012, 07:45pm

Thank you - I needed that!

**RealGoneKid** · 03-01-2012, 08:53pm

Thank you so much

I really needed to hear that!

**mrsgrumpy** · 03-01-2012, 08:57pm

I beg to differ - it's perfectly possible to go on a diet and start exercising, tidying, studying without spending time precious time introspecting about the gap between how things are and how you want them to be! Just choose your direction, set your goals and move forward.

That's worked for me for some time now, and saved me a lot of self-pity and self/other recriminations! Best wishes and Happy New Year all xx

**Helski** · 03-01-2012, 09:43pm

Originally Posted by mrsgrumpy

I beg to differ - it's perfectly possible to go on a diet and start exercising, tidying, studying without spending time precious time introspecting about the gap between how things are and how you want them to be! Just choose your direction, set your goals and move forward.

That's worked for me for some time now, and saved me a lot of self-pity and self/other recriminations! Best wishes and Happy New Year all xx

Agree it is possible to make changes without the navel gazing but only if you have a level of self acceptance.

Also I'm talking about lasting changes. Not the ones that require massive amounts of struggle and then a return to the previous behaviour.

However, we're all completely individual so if you've found a way that works for you, then brilliant. Finding 'your' way to do things most effectively is half the battle :)