How can I help my friend?

[Ali Scally]

I have had a few messages recently from a friend telling me how down she is feeling at the moment and how I'm the only person she can talk to.

Her husband walked out on her and I believe it to be because of this. This happened 3 years ago and since he's gone she's lost all her confidence and just wants to lock herself away. Everytime I get these messages part of me wants to tell her that she needs to let go and move on but do you think this is harsh? I know break ups are hard (I've been there myself) and takes time to get over but after 3 years she is still struggling.

The real problem is that I think she is drinking and smoking loads which I guess is her way of trying to block everything out. It's got quite bad though as you can smell the alcohol on her first thing in the morning (I work with her). People at work are beginning to notice and are making comments. We had a works do the other week and I went to pick her up and it was clear she had had a few before going out. She got in the car and was slurring her words.

Has anyone got any suggestions on what I can say/do to help? Do I need to be cruel to be kind?

[Bop]

It is a difficult one as people take differing amounts of time to get over stuff like this, but if its three years on and if she is using alcohol as a crutch, I would sugest she might need some professional help?

Using alcohol to block out for a short time is very common, but doing so in the longer term can lead to addiciton issues. She could also be depressed if she is not going out etc.

If you feel you are close enough, then I would be inclined to be straight with her - say you are concerned and suggest she goes to see her GP. Do support her - perhaps you could even go with her? I would be gentle though and test the water first (perhaps ask her how she feels about life?) - it maybe that others have tried to have the conversaton and she has rejected them.

Big ((hugs)). She is lucky to have a friend like you who cares enough.

Bop

[Jelly]

I agree with Bop and would suggest she sees her GP to refer her for help. Offer to go with her as support. I imagine it's not going to be easy to tackle it, and it may take a few goes if she is resistant or in denial about her behaviour.

I'd keep stressing that she derserves to feel better and start with a gentle approach to test the waters.

I don't think it's harsh telling her it's time to start moving on, but it's also easier said than done. It is easy to fall into the habit or mentality of feeling like a victim though, and a professional would hopefully be able to help change her mindset.

and

[Ali Scally]

Thank you ladies. I think there's some good advice here . I too think she is depressed as she practically goes to work, comes home then locks herself away and drinks. I know she doesn't eat properly either. I know her sisters quite well and even they have noticed how withdrawn she has become. Perhaps I will suggest she goes to the doctors. I know she went on anti-depressants when all this first happened, but came off them after a while. I'm glad she's talking to me about it though rather than bottling everything up.