Self-doubt

[nickimacrae]

I had a similar convo with a friend over the weekend, how we both doubt ourselves in our particular professions - even though we know we are both able and competent and push ourselves hard to develop.... But then (as you say RL) we maybe both *do* push ourselves because we *know* we will never be the best at what we do as there are such crazy-high marks to reach, and therefore that feeling *is* what pushes us to strive forward

I *constantly* doubt myself where work / study is concerned . Even though when I talk to someone I can sound quite confident in what I do and proud, I still have this % inside me all the time that doubts I can do it. I think what it is is *I* am happy with my work, to my inner levels and assessments I am more than happy, but I worry about how I relate to a bigger scale - if you see what I mean. I have chosen the worst career for that I think! Most artists seem the same

Dilly do you think you worry about what the consequences would be if you failed a module? Is there some practical reason why it would be hard for you to have to go over parts again? Or do you fear how you would feel about yourself if you didn't do so well on a module? Or is the course to all-encompassing in your life, too all-important and you need more of a break to let other things in? Do you feel you doubt yourself in / worry more about this work than other things in your life?

[DillyDally]

Dilly do you think you worry about what the consequences would be if you failed a module? Is there some practical reason why it would be hard for you to have to go over parts again? Or do you fear how you would feel about yourself if you didn't do so well on a module? Or is the course to all-encompassing in your life, too all-important and you need more of a break to let other things in? Do you feel you doubt yourself in / worry more about this work than other things in your life?

I would retake this module if I failed But I think failing would have a devastating effect on me, because it would knock my already fragile confidence.

It isn't all-important at all - I started my degree for personal satisfaction reasons, but each good mark, each distinction, added pressure on me to sustain that level. Basically, I'm pretty sure that I can do it, I won't fail, I will get good marks. I'm not afraid to ask if I don't understand something or anything like that. But at the back of my mind is that fear of being discovered as someone who isn't any good, or not good enough (for some random entity out there who is judging these things - who would that be ).

I think it's deeper than just the academic stuff - I think it's right at the core of me - it's going to take a while to re-programme myself from the way I was brought up

[Roseyposey]

Dilly, sorry to hear you are feeling this way. How were you pre-children? I only ask because in my own experience and what I see of the women around me, it seems to be magnified after having a family, when this huge responsibility is put onto a woman and there is a small nagging doubt of "can I do this". Time out from work and doing professional stuff/exams etc takes its toll. Apparently, in order to feel confident about something, we have to do it again and again and fairly recently, so it may be that you start to feel better.

I've not hard and fast tips sadly, as I feel similar and even though I know I'm fairly good at what I do, I doubt it until I have praise or reassurance from someone.

About YOU though, you are so incredibly caring and thoughtful about what you write on here and you come across (to me) as calm and approachful with a good perspective on life. Maybe its just that life is busy and you haven't had time to focus on your qualities. Perhaps when something goes well, or you feel good about something, just really notice it and become aware of it. And when you aren't feeling so confident, use a bit of mindfulness practice and think "well, that didn't go so well, and now my mind is giving me a hard time - thats interesting..." and instead of knocking yourself for it, just be interested in how your mind has given you marks out of 10 and appreciate that this is just a pattern and not reality.

Sorry, I'm really not very good at explaining myself in writing (not that I'm doubting myself!!) Hope a bit of this post makes sense!

[DillyDally]

Rosey - you do make sense I think I was the same pre-children, and I have been studying with the OU since 2003 (with a couple of little gaps when life got in the way) so I should have internalised it all by now Maybe I just didn't really notice before - I think the counselling brought a lot of stuff up to the surface. It's odd, because my counsellor said, right at the end, that I was a secure and confident person - and I don't think I am. There are areas where I am quite secure in myself - about the way I am, the things I believe in, for example, but it obviously doesn't stretch to my academic self But hey, I'm getting there.

Thank you, too, for the sweet things you've said - I'm glad my online self comes across like that - I do try!

[Helski]

I will be exactly the same for the next five assignments, and the final marked piece of work And I am like it about everything - I always think I've not done enough, worked hard enough, been a good enough parent etc

How can I get over it? I don't want to be cocky and arrogant about it, but a little bit of faith in my own abilities doesn't seem too much to ask!?

The bits in bold are the messages you're send to your subconcious about it. You've already decided how you're going to behave next time and so your brain will engage the 'stressing about ability to do assignment' function at the right time and off you'll go again.

I think to start with, you could try to change the words you use (both internally and externally) about it.

Find some positive and supportive sentences to say next time you think about your next assignment. History and experience tells you that you are good at this. In any other situation, that would probably be enough for you to believe it.

There's no need to worry about being arrogant - particularly if it's only your internal voice you change (as no-one will even hear it!)

[DillyDally]

Thanks Helski I will do that