Very selfish post NRR

[Miffy]

Feel free to ignore, but I have no-one to talk to so thought I might just write a few things down. Sorry.
There is so much going on atm and I would like my life to resemble something normal, stable and happy for a bit.
I am 12 weeks pg today. I have my 12 week/nuchal scan on friday and I am irrationally worried about it. I had a scan at 9 weeks and all was fine with baby. But having had two miscarriages in the past with a pattern of m/c, baby, m/c, baby it is hard not to worry. It would be so much worse this time if baby had died as we saw it, could make out head and limbs, saw it wriggling with a nice strong heartbeat. But there is still a part of me that thinks it has gone wrong.
My sickness has improved over the past couple of weeks which is great, but a worry at the same time. I am still exhausted, starving and bloated which are all good signs. I have a tiny bump and massive bloated stomach atm. My bump doesn't seem to be getting any bigger, it's really deceptive with my stomach being so big. I'm probably imagining it, but I find it so hard not to worry.
DH is working late loads. He usually gets home about 7.30 just as I've done everything and the kids are about to get into bed. Whenever the phone rings at 6.30-6.40 from him saying he's just left it feels like he's doing it on purpose just to get out of putting the kids to bed. That's when he does manage to get home to see them at all.
He is really struggling at work at the moment. So much to do, not enough time to do it and very little support. He is very stressed and not sleeping. He didn't come to bed till 2am last night and then still didn't sleep till at least 3. So he was no use to man nor beast this morning. His sleeping really suffers when he's stressed at work, but I don't know how to help him. I am seething inside that he is still asleep when I'm trying to get the kids ready and just having breakfast as we leave, then often I see him driving to work (gone 9am) while I'm walking back from school, but I can't say anything as I know he's stressed. He's always had problems with mornings, and work is accomodating. He generally does 10-6 rather than 9-5, but it affects our home life so much. I get no help during the week. It is nothing new, but atm with me being pg and so tired it would be nice to have a bit more input. He also says he works those hours to avoid the worst of the traffic, which is very true, but I still hate it.
I'm hoping the stress and work issues are a phase again, but it will just come back.
We are in limbo over the house atm, waiting for the searches etc to come back and if one more person asks if we have a date yet I might just lamp them one.
On top of that the usual problems of the playgroup committee. I know I've harped on about it before and people say just leave, but I can't. I feel so guilty I can't give as much to it as I should be, but to leave I would feel even more guilty. I'm tired of the politics and hassles. Staff are being incredibly crap atm and it's just getting silly. No-one seems to value their jobs anymore. I want to forget it all. I have enough going on in my head atm (which is full of wool anyway it seems) I can really do without this as well.
I'm just so tired of it all and could really do with someone to give me a hug and take it all away, but there is no-one to do that. The kids drive me mad, but give the best hugs. DH is too stressed and worried to see that I need some support too. I don't want to burden him with my hassles too.
Sorry for rambling, just needed to get it all down.

[Blonde Girl]

Oh honey it does sound like you have an enormous amount going on

I imagine the stress of Friday is making things much worse, whereas normally you take the annoyances of DH not being around and the playgroup committee, etc in your stride.

[lisnic]

I understand your streeses re: the scan miffy I have had them too with ds and this one with history of mmc mmc mc baby it is so hard it truly takes the innocence out of pregnancy xx

Dh works away and missed the whole of my first tri,I was being sick was shattered had the house to keep and ds to keep amused etc and I did want some help sometimes it is so tough,I was so thankful when he came back from his last work trip away

Could you suggest he does 9-5 for a bit as you really could do with the help?

X

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[claireh]

I can't take it all away but I can offer a hug.

I really hope that everything goes well on Friday. I remember the feeling of terror for each and every scan for Millie and Oliver. Once Friday has passed do you think you could talk to your DH over the weekend and explain that you need some support right now?

[*SarahR*]

There's a big hug for you here honey. I have everything crossed for you for Friday. I can remember the worry I felt before scans, and I don't have your past experience, so I can only imagine how it is for you. I'll be thinking of you, if I can do anything pls let me know.

Your DH, I know it is really hard but I think you are going to need to talk to him, because it isn't going to suddenly get easier with 3 is it? (I mean that in a kind way btw). I too am a passive aggressive seething type, and it isn't healthy to leave it to grow to something big. I know there are lots of girls on here whose DH's work away or v long hours, but in most cases I think the DH pulls his weight at the weekend, and I know that yours doesn't without pressure from you. It's not on, I know he is tired and stressed but it becomes a vicious circle, and he needs to break it.

I know its not what he would want to do, but traffic wise my DH does the same journey several times a week, and he could always go in earlier and be home earlier! The traffic's not that bad (although it is unpredictable with accidents etc I know).

I mean this all in a caring sense, I know it is very hard to talk about this stuff and get him to make changes, but I think you need to get him in gear for providing support when you move, when you are big and tired etc etc. You can't do it all yourself.

Lots of love xxxx

[helpimfalling]

Love to you chick! Have felt same lately hubby not in bed till 2am and home from work at nine! I literally want to kill him when I'm arguing with three kids trying to leave house by half eight and sometimes he's still there when I get bk snoring his head off (he could of watched the two other kids I had to get dressed to go on school run) aaah sorry just venting back at you lol your not alone xxx


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[Bluebabe75]

honey

Really hope the scan goes well on Friday and gives you some reassurance

Can totally sympathise re. the house - we have finally exchanged on ours but the searches dragged on for ages (complicated due to being council leasehold and a pending bill for works) and now I'm in a blind panic trying to get everything arranged for moving two weeks tomorrow... I was getting SO fed up with people asking if we had a date yet until last week, and now I'm just panicking.

I think Sarah's right about needing to talk to your DH - however hard that might be

[LibertyGal72]

it's good to get it all down sometimes. Good luck for the scan. Share the burden with your DH too as others have said. And don't forget, we're here for you

[WoollyNewty]

Big big hugs and good luck. I can totally understand why you are feeling like you do xxx

[RealGoneKid]

Huge huge to you, you sound shattered. I hope everything goes well at the scan tomorrow

I'm afraid that I think you need to speak to your DH too If he's going to be around until 9am then he could help out with the school run, either by watching R while you go or taking J.

I completely understand about the stressed out DH though DH is exactly the same when he's stressed and I just seethe rather than saying anything and then get to the end of my tether and blow my top which doesn't help. DH will now at least recognise when he's getting into an insomniac phase and cut out caffeine in the evenings, do a proper bedtime wind down and come to bed at a reasonable time so he's relaxing if not sleeping.

Once you tell people about the pg, would you consider taking a step back from the play group for a bit?

Big hugs, hope you can get things sorted