Giving - WWYD?

**Bop** · 26-09-2011, 02:16pm

Yesterday at church there was a video about a family in Africa where the fathe had died and the mother and children were left in extreme poverty. Our children were very touched by this and it led to a discussion on giving and we talked about how we (DH & I) do give and prioritise that over "stuff".

Later, DD1 came down with her money box and asked us to give all of it to the poor children in Africa. I tried talking to her about giving a proportion, but she is adamant she wants none of it - its all for them.

On one hand I am proud and touched, but this is her "savings" and whilst its not a huge amount, it is for her and I feel that giving "some" would be more appropriate.

DH thinks I should give a smaller amount and bank the rest for her. I'm not sure as she was very clear in her wishes.

WWYD?

Bop

PS Thought I'd posted this yesterday but can't find the thread so apologies if I have double posted.

**Damsella** · 26-09-2011, 02:19pm

It depends on how much it is, I think. Need that info!

**Bop** · 26-09-2011, 02:22pm

Its £25 - not a huge amount but a lot for her when she's 11 and only gets £10 a month and this is almost a years savings. She was saving for a horse but has decided they need food more than she needs a horse.

Bop

**RedVelvet** · 26-09-2011, 02:26pm

She sounds so thoughtful. Have you thought about maybe a %. A family I knew
wanted to give more, but they weren't especially well off, ideally they wanted to give 10% of their earnings but couldn't see how. They started with 1% and after a year increased it to 2%. They still now give their 10%.

Maybe a % of her pocket money regularly? In the long run that would be a greater amount, and it sets the habit for giving.

**Stropypop** · 26-09-2011, 06:33pm

I've decided on behalf of my children that they are giving a Christmas present each year to the shoebox people - operation Christmas child, I think. I've been doing them for years but thought as they get so much each year I'll ask a different relative to do a shoebox instead of buying them a present. Hoping if I start it when they're young it will just be normal for them and it's not the same as taking one from under the tree to give away.

Also as part of their birthday present we sponsor a new charity, this year dd loves dogs so she has a dog and ds has a donkey again as he has riding therapy through the Elizabeth svensden trust.

How about explaining the different ways we can help that aren't giving all our money away, fair trade and oxfam etc

What a lovely thing for her to want to do,

**shinyaholic** · 26-09-2011, 07:00pm

What a lovely child. Have you thought about sponsoring a child through World Vision or a similar charity? You could do it as a family and the children could put a small percentage of their pocket money towards the monthly cost, or buy small gifts to send from their pocket money and write letters or draw pictures to send.

**Tekkencat** · 26-09-2011, 07:07pm

i would suggest a % but an 11yr old can be quite definite into what they want to do so would respect her wishes

when DD was younger we used to have a separate piggybank (well it was a jar) for her to put money in for charity and then after a while she could donate it where she wished (this thread has made me think we should bring it back)

**Cerise** · 26-09-2011, 07:51pm

Tekkencat, that sounds a great idea. I think we will adopt that here.

**bernardeena** · 26-09-2011, 08:16pm

I think I would let her give it but then maybe let her do some extra jobs etc to rebuild her savings. I also think that Tekkens idea is a good one to set up too.

**thirzasmum** · 26-09-2011, 08:38pm

How lovely. She's a special girl isn't she. I' m with betnadeena. She can give it all if she's sure but I think I'd make it easy for her to earn some of it back too.

**LibertyGal72** · 26-09-2011, 10:30pm

You have suggested that maybe she gives some and she is adamant that she wants to give it all. That is admirable. And to be honest I think you should do as she asks.

Help her rebuild her savings quickly by all means. But to push the issue, or give only some and put the rest away would be wrong and violate her trust.

**Dr Spouse** · 26-09-2011, 11:00pm

I am with Libertygal - it's a lovely idea, she's a very generous girl, and she should be allowed to give what she wants to give, but perhaps put something in motion to allow her to get some savings back, after all she'll want to buy Christmas presents etc., and then perhaps TC's idea which sounds lovely.

I would not go for sponsoring a child, partly as I'm not convinced it's the best way to help a community, but also because it's so near, and yet so far, to adoption.

(given how much horses cost, she'd have to wait quite some time to save for a horse anyway - so not an immediately realistic goal).

**Bop** · 27-09-2011, 07:55am

Thanks everyone.

I think I will give as she has asked, but also find ways for her to get extra. I do want to encourage regular giving, but for some reason, she seems less open to that idea....we have talked about it before. I don't want to force her to give regularly as I think giving needs to be voluntary.

You are right on the horse - she's a long way off, but still from the girl that would blow everything immediately, she has made huge progress.

We did also say that we would match anything they gave (the others asked to give a smaller amount), so I'll get DH to sort it later (that way the charity can get the Gift Aid too).

Thanks again
Bop

**BellaDonna** · 27-09-2011, 09:09am

She sounds lovely

**Jubjub** · 27-09-2011, 09:24am

I did something similar when I was young, but on a smaller scale. I gave all the money I had to the Ethiopia famine appeal in 1984. It wouldn't have been more than £5, and I was only 5 but even then I absolutely knew I wanted to give it. I wasn't an especially kind child I don't think, but I saw something on the news and it made me want to help. My parents still talk about it now, and get glassy eyed at the memory of me emptying my purse onto the Post Office counter!

Let your daughter do what she feels is right, she'll feel happier giving it than spending it. I agree that she should be given a few opportunities to replenish her savings though.

**Tekkencat** · 27-09-2011, 09:31am

Great idea Bop (matching and gift aiding)

i just wanted to say that the charity pot was never forced - it was a choice thing

tbh i think I pinched the idea off another damsel back in the early days with the 3 pots system
charity pot - spending pot - saving pot
cant remember for the life of me who it was now

**Tigerpants** · 27-09-2011, 09:31am

Oh that is just lovely, what a fabulous child.

I love the idea of a separate charity jar, might instigate that in this house too, esp in the run up to Christmas

**Bop** · 27-09-2011, 10:16am

We have decided to have a charity jar too - that all three can choose to put money into on a regular basis and then every so often we'll decide who it will go to.

Thanks once again
Bop

**Roseyposey** · 27-09-2011, 10:23am

What a lovely girl Bop.

My DD has a separate purse that she puts money in for charity, this seems to work quite well. I think its great to nurture a giving side to children and this can set them up for a much more peaceful adulthood, the less "me" thinking -the happier they will be!

Maybe see if she can divide the money between two purses/piggybanks - if its easier for her, just a small amount for herself. Tell her there is also plenty of opportunity all the way throughout life, it doesn't need to all be now?