Becoming a respite foster carer

**Julius** · 18-08-2011, 09:57am

My mum did respite care for children with SN when we were growing up. The first boy was roughly the same age as me, and that was more of an ad hoc arrangement. The second girl was younger (but by then I was old enough that I wasnt having to follow her around if they went out!) and my mum had her most Saturdays.

**Dr Spouse** · 18-08-2011, 10:27am

We did the same course when we were considering this, and they did talk a bit about abuse etc. though actually our adoption preparation course was much more helpful on that score.

There are quite a few books you can read, though some of them have got a bit of a bee in their bonnet or have some slightly mad ideas...

**Bop** · 18-08-2011, 10:37am

In terms of ease, SN kids are likely to be easier than those in care as they haven't had a traumatic start in life. DS had SN respite as well as with us as he has a slight disability - the SN stuff started before he was taken into care.

In terms of looked after children and potential issues, there are loads of books around on Attachment which should help. Dan Hughes is good, as are Kim Golding and Caroline Archer, but there are many other authors. However as a respite foster carer there is little you can do to heal and you might find that they are unable to cope with activities that your kids enjoy as its just too much for them.

For instance, when in care, ours were extreme attention seekers and were unable to occupy themselves at all, creating chaos if they were each not getting positive interaction (and with three that's very hard to acheive). We also took a child who had been sexually abused and we found we could not leave her alone with DH even for a minute. She tried all weekend to split us up (that was the one child I said I couldn't handle again).

I would probably advise going for a younger child with SN....

Hope that helps
Bop

**Sonriendo** · 18-08-2011, 11:01am

My mum did a bit of this when we were young. She became a childminder when she split from my dad. 2 of her mindee's mum had to go into hospital, for an operation, with no one to care for the kids. So mum took them for a couple of weeks - we hated them

- they were so good, used to make their beds and wash/wipe up without being asked

**Mrs Cheeso** · 18-08-2011, 11:19am

so much to consider. Thanks for the continued advise & support

I'm not sure if it's possible (or whether anyone takes any notice) but intend to be very clear about not wanting those with a history sexual abuse whilst our LO's are so young - it's just not a risk I'm prepared to take no matter how much I want to help. It's very interesting to hear about your own SN children and those you've cared for as it really isn't something we'd considered mainly because we assumed respite for SN children would be because of demanding physical needs which were don't feel equipped to offer right now but from what you guys are saying it may well suit us as a family and definitely one to reconsider.

It's all so exciting (now just got to hope DH doesn't go to the meeting & get cold feet

)

**Mrs Cheeso** · 06-11-2011, 10:55pm

A very quick update: we're still moving along with our application to become respite foster carers

. Our application has *finally* been processed so the next step is the 'initial home visit' - terrified at the thought so may be back for hand holding/advise once we've got a date.

MrsCx

**LibertyGal72** · 06-11-2011, 11:01pm

Good luck x

**Bop** · 07-11-2011, 07:58am

Good luck - I'm sure you will be fine.

We're considering going back to it - but need to consider the kids are they are worried we might adopt again (we were their respite foster carers initially).

Bop

**Mrs Cheeso** · 14-12-2011, 10:11pm

Well we survived our first home visit yesterday and we/they are progressing our application

I've just received & sent off the online CRB application and then its a full medical, all 6 personal references contacted & 3 interviewed (

), employment, background, school checks etc. The SW (who was a big odd & seemed to find O's presence irritating even though he was a total star) said this will probably take 6-8 weeks then all being well we attend a 4 day training course. She said demand for FT fostering is extremely high with a dire shortage in our area (who knows how true this is though

) and although not as common, she would be very surprised if we aren't offered a placement within the first few weeks.

It's a lot to take in and has raised quite a lot of questions for us (could we cope with siblings, age range, could we offer special needs respite etc) but we're both really excited & nervous in equal measure and it's a wonderful distraction from some heavy stuff going on at my work.

MrsCxx