Married but having some bad thoughts! : (

**StevieB** · 15-01-2011, 11:34pm

This is gonna be a random rant but I seriously need to get this off my chest and would like some feedback?? But please be gentle & don't think too badly of me!?

Me & hubby been together for 10 yrs, married for 6 yrs. We did marry fairly young, but I don't think we made the wrong decision?? I love him to bits, always have & always will, but recently I find myself wanting to flirt with nearly every bloke I see & hope that they want to take it further!

Me & hubby have a very loving relationship & decent sex life (maybe not enough of it, but we both work hard!?)

I have been using chat rooms & giving out my phone number for about 6 mths, getting ever closer to arranging to meet one of them! Hubby has no idea I do this & obviously wouldn't approve!

I don't know that I would definitely do anything, but I don't think I can trust myself!

I hate myself for feeling like this, my husband dosen't deserve this.

Then matters got even worse when I befriended a new guy at work, he's alot younger than me but we get on really well & flirt outrageously. We text each other all the time as well spending LOADS of time together at work. So much time in fact that he has been warned about spening too much time away from his desk!!! It does feel a little bit like I'm a teenager again & I'm not sure if that's the aspect that I find so enjoyable & thrilling?? All our workmates make comments, insinuating that we are having a secret affair (we're not.........yet??) and he doesn't ever try to stop them, in fact he incourages it!! I protest, maybe a little bit too much but I'm so scared of hubby hearing something from one of my workmates.

Now this young lad is planning on leaving the company (& the country for that matter!) and I'm devastated!

I almost feel little heartbroken, which is utterly ridiculous! But I feel like i want to spend some time with him alone outside of work, to see where it goes??

Why do I feel like this?? What's wrong with me?? I totally know what a good life I have with hubby & how devastated he would be.

Thanks for listening all! XX

**Enchanted Wonderful** · 15-01-2011, 11:54pm

I imagine you are just a little bored and are looking for that spark again that makes you feel alive. I have never been in a relationship for that length of time so i have no idea what the solution is. But i would bet if you did something and caused the breakdown of your marriage, you would feel like the affair was not worth it and regret it.

I guess you are going to have to discuss how you are feeling with your husband and see if there is anything you can do to get the spark back and break out of the rut.

**LibertyGal72** · 15-01-2011, 11:58pm

Perhaps you and DH should have a date night?

**StevieB** · 16-01-2011, 12:11am

Thanks ladies.

I have sort of tried to broach the subject with hubby, but he just gets upset! (understandably!) I explain that I love him to bits but just want to feel that new rush of a strange touch again. I did mention it to some of my girlfriends in a round-about way, and they suggested we do like a date night thing, but I don't think hubby would really go for it & I'm not too sure if it would hit the spot if you know what I mean?? I think I am gonna try and push him a little bit to see if it works though. But I still don't know what I can do about the feelings I have for this young guy at work??

**Arwen** · 16-01-2011, 12:21am

Originally Posted by Enchanted Wonderful

I imagine you are just a little bored and are looking for that spark again that makes you feel alive. I have never been in a relationship for that length of time so i have no idea what the solution is. But i would bet if you did something and caused the breakdown of your marriage, you would feel like the affair was not worth it and regret it.

I guess you are going to have to discuss how you are feeling with your husband and see if there is anything you can do to get the spark back and break out of the rut.

What EW said. All us women need a bit of romance, and need a bit of attention, and I feel that is maybe what is missing in your relationship.Maybe you have got comfortable with each other, and have got bogged down with the day to day drudgery of life , and while you love your DH,you maybe don't feel you are "IN love with him".

I agree with Liberty's post re date night. You and your DH get a bottle of wine, a takeway and a snuggle on the sofa.Get kids to bed (if you have them).Instead of doing the whole sex thing, let him go so far,but not all the way (like when you were a teen...

A bit of snogging etc...I let you fill in the blanks.

Or if funds allow,go for a meal or away for a weekend to a posh hotel,or even a night away.Like a dir

ty weekend

I know DH and I have been dragged down a bit by life, and we are sooo looking forward to a ball we are going to in a posh hotel, with swimming pool/jacuzzi etc.I am not sure when we will turn up at the ball.

Every relationship has a boring bit, but we have manged to stay together for 14 years this year, and a couple of nice weekends away keeps us going...funds depedning of course.

**Joan Jett** · 16-01-2011, 12:22am

You would be better putting the energy that you are spending on flirting with the guy at work into sorting out your marriage. When we are unhappy it is really easy to look at someone else and imagine things would be better/more exciting with them and it's also really easy to see characteristics in other people that we would like them to have. How well do you really know the guy from work? Probably not all that well. We all only show certain sides of ourselves to the people we work with.

Ask yourself how you would feel if your husband was behaving the way you are? If you love him as much as you say you do, sort things out before you end up doing something stupid and wrecking your marriage. The grass is hardly ever greener when you get to the other side.

**Sadie** · 16-01-2011, 12:32am

Originally Posted by Joan Jett

Ask yourself how you would feel if your husband was behaving the way you are? If you love him as much as you say you do, sort things out before you end up doing something stupid and wrecking your marriage. The grass is hardly ever greener when you get to the other side.

WSS.

**StevieB** · 16-01-2011, 12:35am

Thanks again ladies, all help is appreciated & will be thought upon!

We don't have kids, so not so much worry there. But funds are a bit tight & may not stretch to weekend away!? But I do like the idea!

I agree I am wasting alot of time & energy on things that may never & should never happen. Like I say, I do feel so stupid!

I would absolutely HATE if DH was behaving the way I am. I will try and talk to him again & see if we can get anywhere.

Thanks again all XX