Told DH we cant carry on like this

**Adelelee** · 16-10-2006, 10:15am

Before I start I have to say that I do love my husband but when we had Eliza the first year was horrific. Granted it was not helped that I had PND but all we did was argue and fight. In 12 years of being together we have never got on so bad as we did in those 12 months.

Anyway yesterday we were sorting the spare room out and I asked him a simply question and he bit my head off. Now I know he is tired (as I am) but he has been doing it a lot lately and just talking to me like I am crap and I wont have it. He is so thoughtful and good but other times he can be a right shit and it really gets me down.

I got very upset and told him we just cant carry on like this and have another year like we did when E was born. Though he does not know it I came very close to leaving him last time and asking for a divorce.

I told him yesterday that if this carrys on we will split up but he told me he wont let that happen.

I do love him but he makes me very unhappy sometimes

**Jamtart** · 16-10-2006, 10:18am

Oh Adele, it must be so hard! sending you big

I'm sure everything will be ok, everything seems 100 times worse when you are tired doesn't it? Make sure you keep talking to each other!

***Fallen Angel*** · 16-10-2006, 10:19am

to you hun. You've both been through a very difficult time this past few weeks, so it's understandable that you're both feeling it, but in very different ways. I think you did right in telling him you won't be spoken to like that. It's always good to keep communicating.

FWIW, we've had a bad year. DH sometimes isn't the man I thought he was, but I guess I'm different too.

Sorry, didn't mean to go off on a tangent.

I hope when things settle down, you can find time for each other.

**Tekkencat** · 16-10-2006, 10:19am

as hard as it is (and i dont listen to my own advice) talking is the key...He has to listen to you

Sorry that wasnt very helpful was it

Im here if you need to vent

**Chocolate Lips** · 16-10-2006, 10:24am

Adele.

Hopefully things will settle down for you both soon. Seri is only 4 weeks old, you are both going to be extremely knackered, if I remember OH and I were like zombies up until about 10 weeks and you both have had so much more to contend with, you have had such a tough time recently, and even before Seri arrived with being ill, having to move out of a home for a while.

I am sorry you are feeling unhappy but hopefully in a few weeks you will both pick up a bit, get over this tiredness and start to get back to some kind of normality. It is a good thing that you have let him know how you are feeling, don't keep it bottled up, it will only make it worse.

**Redsquare** · 16-10-2006, 10:25am

Oh Adele.

It's so obvious from your posts that you and P have a wonderful, loving relationship. Having a baby is one of the most testing times in a partnership and now you have a toddler AND a newborn.

You were right to talk to him about how he spoke to you. Him saying that he won't let you split up speaks volumes. He loves you and your children. You always hurt the ones you love I think the saying goes.

I hope that P has listened to you and will endeavour to keep a check on his tongue. You're both tired and it's so easy to snap at each other.

Big

sweetheart.

**Hello Kitty** · 16-10-2006, 12:10pm

Gosh this post has really shocked me. I didn't realise you were having a rough time (apart from everything going on with Seri which is enough to test any relationship)
The main thing is to remember why you do love each other and keep talking even if it means saying the horrible things too. If you keep everything bottled up it just festers. And you need to make sure that you are getting some time alone together too.
(not that I am a relationship expert at all

)
Hugs to you and make sure you are taking care of you too

**Julesb** · 16-10-2006, 12:14pm

Hang on in there sweetheart.

Lack of sleep is a killer in the first few months.
Just keep telling him how you are feeling, no matter how hard it might be for him to hear.

Hope you start to feel better really soon.x

**bisy backson** · 16-10-2006, 12:17pm

oh adele, so sorry to hear this but you have my utmost sympathies as we have just been through this too, but i am just feeling in the last few days we have come out the other side so just hang on in there blossom!

it is soooo soooo hard having a new baby however much you want her - your family dynamics have shifted again and everyone is still probably trying to find their place in your new family unit.

i know i felt the same as you and ended up confronting mr b, and lots of tears later we agreed to cut each other a little slack and we've both been trying not to get at each other so much although its been so hard!

we also never fought as much as splashy's first year and i was gutted.

so no real advice from me then other than to say you have my heartfelt sympathy, and perhaps just agree between you that this first year is going to be hard but you'll both hang on in there and try and support each other till its over?

sending you lots of love, and sorry that wasn't a very helpful post was it - i know it won't make you feel any better but its not just you.

all my love

bbxx

now i feel like a dur for posting that but just wanted to say something.

**Adelelee** · 18-10-2006, 08:32am

Thanks everyone for your replies, its nice to know that other people struggle in the first year too and its not just us

Anyway things have been better since the weekend, I even got a cup of tea in bed this morning which I thought was a really sweet thing to do, just a shame I did not get chance to drink it as Seri had a nappy explosion and had to be dipped in the bath

I love my husband so much and I think because we dont argue when we do its very hard to deal with.

Thanks again

Adele
xx