what would you do

**janiebaby** · 13-10-2006, 07:12pm

right , i have a probelm teenager
shes 17 in jan . i was with her father for most of her life up until she was 13 , mind you it was a very temptous realationship with her dad as he prefered to not work and bum around with his mates .
I was the one that worked , at one time i held down 3 jobs , one a night shift one and 2 partime ones , so basically they never went without

i had enough when she reached 13 , i thought i deserved some happiness , and made the final break from him. i still continued to work full time , and it was just me and steph .
but i got letters from school saying that she was bunking off . up and down the school i go to try and sort out her probelms .
she was the top of her class achieving very high results in sats , etc.
i did everything the welfare officer suggested . and that did'nt work.
still i kept plodding on hoping for the best.
i met a wonderful man , in my local gym, 18months after i split from ex , we are now married and very happy with each other .
BUT my daughter is causing so many arguement between us .
we have a rule that she comes in at 10pm , as we have to be up at 6.30am every morning , she is always home late , last night she was in at 11.15 pm , she started collage , but has been bunking off from that as well

she got sacked from her sat job as she did'nt want to adhere to the rules

she's very untidy here in our home , is arguementive and wont help us all muck in with the housework .
i really am at the end of my tether with her, mr p wants her out , but she has nowhere to go but she wont change her , we've tried everything in the book with her ,
and i just dont know what to do anymore.

**janiebaby** · 13-10-2006, 07:17pm

also this week she got arrested with beating up an 11yr old boy for taunting her , i had the very angry parents on my back so i told them to phone the police . as a result she is now on bail until late nov while they investagate

i really cant understand her at all , and i 'm ashamed to say i hate her . but as a mum i love her ,
i'm worried that i will lose her as she is spiralling out of control
.
i'm so not a chavvy mum , i come from a well brought up home , and thought she would have taken on my ethics of life.

**wotsit** · 13-10-2006, 07:23pm

Originally Posted by janiebaby

, she's very untidy here in our home , is arguementive and wont help us all muck in with the housework .
.

This part is completely normal...nothing to do with your situation at all!!!

It's quite common for kids to go off the rails a bit when parents divorce and new partners come along. She's a bright girl underneath this bolshy front and in time she will come out the other side and realise what an idiot she was being.
It's just unfortunate that this is happening now and she's screwing up her education.

I think we expect our teens to grow up over night when they get to 16. Emotionally they are still kids, though!

Just try and be there for her without nagging and look for any opportunity to praise her.

I know how frustrating it is living with what looks like a grown woman who acts like a five year old!!

I'm sure you're doing a great job, and well done for finding a nice man at last

**janiebaby** · 13-10-2006, 07:25pm

oh yes , she is an attentionseeker ,
the thing is she gets on well with mr p normally , but she has said to me i want you to myself sometimes , but she's so nasty to me i dont want to spend time with her , awful i know, but she really can be rude and disrepectful towards us two

**janiebaby** · 13-10-2006, 07:28pm

Originally Posted by wotsit

This part is completely normal...nothing to do with your situation at all!!!

It's quite common for kids to go off the rails a bit when parents divorce and new partners come along. She's a bright girl underneath this bolshy front and in time she will come out the other side and realise what an idiot she was being.
It's just unfortunate that this is happening now and she's screwing up her education.

I think we expect our teens to grow up over night when they get to 16. Emotionally they are still kids, though!

Just try and be there for her without nagging and look for any opportunity to praise her.

I know how frustrating it is living with what looks like a grown woman who acts like a five year old!!

I'm sure you're doing a great job, and well done for finding a nice man at last

sometimes i wonder if i am doing a good job , it has'nt worked out so far , i must admit i do feel a bit of a failure as a mum

**wotsit** · 13-10-2006, 07:29pm

She does sound a bit jealous of the new man.
Spacedust's idea of a bit of mother/daughter bonding is a good one.

Also, I don't bother talking to my daughter when she's got that sour face on. I wait until she is in a happy mood , then I can get decent conversation from her!

**janiebaby** · 13-10-2006, 07:30pm

god its so hard sometimes

**janiebaby** · 13-10-2006, 07:32pm

thankyou for adding your bits , they are helping

all i ever wanted fwas for us to become a family but right now we are at war with each other

**janiebaby** · 13-10-2006, 07:45pm

the thing it hurts too , i can see the damage shes doing to herself , but i cant stick a plaster on it like i used to be able to do

and mr p doesnt help by saying its me or her

**Petrus** · 14-10-2006, 09:02pm

I also think that 10pm is a bit early, sorry, particularly at the weekends. Now maybe my mum was too chilled out but she was ok with me being out a lot later than that, so long as i saved money for a taxi home which she would give to me. I matured very quickly at 14 when my parents split up and became my mums best friend.

Maybe you should suggest going shopping, or going out for lunch or something i don't know.

do it away from where you live though as she may be embarassed about being out with 'her mum'! Just spend some quality time together. Has she started her driving lessons yet? Maybe suggest lessons or something together?

Just some suggestions from me, wasn't all that long ago that i was 17 (well i like to pretend it was that long ago)