How long does this feeling last?

**Candlelight** · 24-10-2010, 07:47am

This feeling of being abandoned and grieving and wanting them back so so much (or how they used to be)?

It's been a week today since he left properly and it doesn't feel any ebtter yet

Will I EVER get over this? How can I when up until 2 months ago I loved this man with everything I had

**Jelly** · 24-10-2010, 07:53am

Months, in my experience.

But it's not always as strong as it is now.

Heartbreak is a bitch.

It's bad enough when you see it coming, or even when it's a mutual decision, but to have it blindside you like you've had gives you that extra layer of shock and shit to deal with on top of everything else.

Take heart from the Damsels who have been through similar and come out the other side. Believe them when they tell you it will get better. Take your time. Don't let anyone tell you when you *should* be feeling better, or *should* be coping. You'll get there when you get there.

In the meantime, have a

and some virual hand holding.

I'm surprised your ex can sleep given the all the Damsel

that's going on!

**Candlelight** · 24-10-2010, 08:03am

Thanks Jelly

I just feel sick, empty and devastated

He genuinely seems to be getting on very happily with his life

I look at him and just cannot believe how someone can change so much

Promises mean nothing do they? He PROMISED me that he'd NEVER EVER let me and Oliver down

I honestly will never trust anyone again. He was the most lovely, devoted and kind dad/husband.... and now he's cold, ruthless and doesn't seem to care very much

If Dan can turn like that, anyone can

**Elle Driver** · 24-10-2010, 08:04am

Sorry I can't advise CL but I do think you're SO much better off without him. It may not seem so now but you're heartbroken and you need time (cliched, I know) to heal your heart, time to grieve and time to pick yourself up and move on. Don't try and fast track it; just keep remembering why you aren't together, what a horrible, mean and nasty person he turned into and that you (and your children) deserve so, so much better.

Hang in there pal

**Minky** · 24-10-2010, 09:06am

Jelly and Elle are wise women lovely, I agree with all they have said.

I honestly think something about his illness has affected his brain and he is no longer the person you married.

It will take a long time to get over this, unfortunately, but you WILL get through it, and like Elle says,you just have to let it happen in its own time (bit like giving birth, as much as you want to fast forward through the pain - you have to let it happen as it is going to happen and eventually when you look back you forget all the pain

).

Why don't you PM DIKNY as it's all quite recent for her and I'm sure she'll offer some great insights.

LOL

Minky xxxx

**spritzer** · 24-10-2010, 09:43am

Originally Posted by Minky

I honestly think something about his illness has affected his brain and he is no longer the person you married.

I totally agree with Minky, I think something significantly shifted for him as a result of his illness and prognosis. I also suspect that this is the cause of his radical change of behaviour and heart, and not anything that happened within the relationship. Not all men behave like this, but then not all young men live with a disability and are given a short life expectancy. It does devastating things to a person's well being and you, sadly, are on the receiving end of all his pain and frustration and anger. He has caused you terrible pain and has been brutally unkind to you. Not all men behave like this and you are not responsible for his unforgivable behaviour. I hope he understands this before it is too late for him. I hope you can accept your innocence and still believe in yourself as a loving and worthwhile being. It will take time but I pray you get there.

**Tara** · 24-10-2010, 10:06am

CL, time will bring you healing, sweetie, but it will be quite a journey. I agree with the others that he seems to have had some sort of brainstorm which is making him behave in ways that are completely unrecognisable to you. In one of your other threads a few of us have mentioned contacting his mental health team, as I strongly suspect that his recent behaviour is a consequence of his condition. I think you need to know that this is not your fault, and that you could not have done anything to prevent this. Your love and that of your children has probably been helping him to stay alive.

You will learn to trust again. It takes time, as all healing does, but one day you will feel ready. There are many of us here who thought we would never trust again, and lo and behold, we're happily doing so! But that is for the future. Concentrate on the present. There are good people around you, let them nurture you. And the naysayers - ignore the feckers!

You have an enormous amount of support and experience here, and we won't let you stumble.

Tara xx

**spidey** · 24-10-2010, 12:38pm

I'm not sure of the recent history CL, though I'm aware of past history. I don't have any real advice, I just wanted to say I'm sorry it's turned out like this, as I thought you were very happy together despite the obvious difficulties the pair of you have.

Take care of yourself, and your children. The three of you are your priorities.

**bluekat** · 24-10-2010, 01:03pm

It'll take time CL.

I once read (though it could have easily been a load of old bollocks) that a rough guide is one month for every year you were together.

You will love and trust again. I don't think your ex is right in the head, who would be with a prognosis like his? It doesn't mean he can stick te knife in you though. You'd think he'd want to live out his remaining years in the loving care of his family and have happy memories to give his kids. What he's doing is disgusting.

xx