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  1. #1
    Dedicated Damsel Lady Caroline
    Location
    Isle of Man
    Posts
    53

    Female Led Relationship/Marriage

    Ok I was not sure where to put this as it is also a mild fetish. I could not think of what to put as my first post since I joined here so I decided I would like to post an explanation of our long relationship so that it could help any others who feel this way and wish to try it, and also a tribute to my husband Jim who has made my life so rich. So here goes:

    I am obviously female and a red headed Celt born and living in the Isle of Man. I have been married to my husband Jim for 28yrs and we are still deeply in love, our marriage is unusual to most as it is a female led marriage meaning in the vows I deleted the obey bit and he had it put in. I am very dominant and in control of all aspects of our marriage, nobody forced Jim into this and he is with me out of love as I am him, I believe our relationship is one built on deep love, trust, honesty and affection, which is why we have lasted so long. It is not easy as this country as the Isle of Man is still a bit backward as being very male dominant but we are open about our life and very few challenge it. It is worth noting Jim is only sub to me and I will defend him to the hilt against anyone who tries to belittle his relationship to me, he is more a man than any I have ever met or will meet. He is not some weak bloke, in fact when I met him he was a commissioned officer in quite a tough regiment, he also holds two separate masters degrees and has an IQ in the top 15% of the country but in saying that he has zero common sense outside of work, I often wonder which planet he is on each day. Anyway, I love him deeply and am very proud of him, but like any man, he needs to be kept in line. Also he is 24/7 collared which means hands off.

    Now onto the more fetish part. Being a female led relationship means everything is geared around me, in other words in bed my satisfaction is paramount, he is not allowed to cum until I have at least twice but this has worked quite well and he can last up to two hours now without going limp, our sex life although now a bit less with age is I think not too bad, we still manage a couple of times a day. Yes we are into some BDSM, if he messes up he gets punished and that is not always physical as the sod enjoys it too much. What we both enjoy most is flogging, over the years I have become very proficient at it and won prizes for it. Trust me it is not as easy as you think, it takes a lot of skill to do it without causing wrap round pain. I can get him into deep sub space in minutes and keep him there for at least half an hour. I will go into more details on how to flog and things like sub space and sub drop if anyone wishes.

    So let us look at the relationship more. A female led marriage is not some BDSM thing, it is far more it is a lifestyle and it takes very little effort as it is natural to us, Jim is not a slave he is just the submissive half of our relationship and I would never do anything to humiliate him or treat him to a point it upsets him, yes in a way he is a bit of a slave but aren’t all men, he is very dear to me. Now think about it ladies, if your other half doesn’t help or slack off what do you do? You go buy something or you make sure he goes frustrated for a while or you get him back some other way and how many times do they sulk in the chair or sit their annoying you with the remote, the difference here is I am in charge. It his job to do the washing cleaning, shopping etc, and more important ensure I am satisfied, BTW he gives the most sensual foot massage ever, I still cook and iron because I enjoy it. We have had kids and at times, I have supported his career when required but at the end of the day in this relationship, I am in charge and he knows it. To reiterate this is not some sexual release thing it is 24/7 and is something that suits us, the difference is I show my dominance and that I am in charge openly rather than find ways of getting him back. Arguments are quite simple in this house, we do argue, when I have had enough I say “enough” at that point he must stand and I will say my piece and come to a decision based on what has been said and yes, sometimes it will be in favour of his view but god help him if he even dares gloat about it.

    Just a quick thing for any of you ladies who are fed up of your man doing nothing, tell your other half to wash the dishes and tidy the kitchen, if he doesn’t do it give him the silent treatment and turn your back on him in bed, if he does do it take him up to bed but only let things go to a foreplay stage. Just watch how quick he learns to be more helpful around the house. You have to train them slowly the poor things can’t take in too much at once.

    I hope this is of help to some of you and feel free to ask any questions. Jim of course is also willing to answer anything you may ask.
    Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.

  2. #2
    Damsel Diva Katiekipper
    Location
    West Oxfordshire. Hug a Hoodie country!
    Posts
    7,768

    Re: Female Led Relationship/Marriage

    This post was brought to you by ladycave.co.uk







    (sorry celeste, couldn't resist!)
    Mum to Ross 16, Eden 13 and Beanie (real name Finn) 11 and my 3 angel babies, never forgotten xx

    Check out my knit shop!
    http://www.facebook.com/LittleEdenKnits

  3. #3
    Dedicated Damsel Lady Caroline
    Location
    Isle of Man
    Posts
    53

    Re: Female Led Relationship/Marriage

    ok you have lost me, would you care to explain

  4. #4
    Totally Shattered Damsel
    Posts
    4,535

    Re: Female Led Relationship/Marriage

    Do you know what, I cant think of a single question I would like the answer to, but thanks for asking.
    =

  5. #5
    Chief Damsel Damsella
    Location
    A hollowed out volcano in Hampshire
    Posts
    41,872

    Re: Female Led Relationship/Marriage

    So you're like a husband from the fifties?
    Call me (Mrs) Damz

  6. #6
    Dedicated Damsel Lady Caroline
    Location
    Isle of Man
    Posts
    53

    Re: Female Led Relationship/Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Damsella View Post
    So you're like a husband from the fifties?
    Not at all, it seems like a lot you do not understand this lifestyle or what I said about Jim, in reality he has a brain far superior to me and other people, but if you take the common sense bit he can be worse than a kid, his brain is always active and as such if I don’t tell him what to do god knows how he would even manage to get dressed in decent stuff and boy can he sulk, the nearest example I can thing is imagine that Elliot bloke in Holby City but about 10 times as scatty. I would in reality say he has it very easy, I have to take care of all finances, make decisions oh and cook, all he does is the housework and my massages, so that’s just in effect a role reversal. In bed again he has the easy bit, I know it may be something you are not too aware of but when you are into BDSM the sub during let’s say for example a flogging session as that’s his favourite can enter what is called sub space which is when the body goes into overdrive producing endorphins and adrenalin, he likens it to a whole body orgasm. I have to know how to get him there, be fully aware of how deep he is by his actions because trust me when there they cannot speak, then bring him back down and take care of him so he does not get what is known as sub drop due to the danger of emotional shock and toxic shock due to chemical release, this can bring on deep depression and this can last 36hrs. Also as I stated his favourite is flogging, this is not easy, not many realise how skilful this need to be to prevent injury, I spent a few hundred pounds learning it and trust me it is not easy to learn. What do I have in return? A few normal orgasms a day, mind you not too bad really married nearly 28yrs and we still go at it like rabbits lol. As for the opening doors bit etc, his choice and I am happy to let him. So as you see being a Domme is fun but being a good Domme is not really that easy, in fact it is bloody hard work. But a quick question for yourself, could you tell me how long your relationship has lasted and are you still deeply in love with each other after 28yrs if it has lasted that long

  7. #7
    Chief Damsel Damsella
    Location
    A hollowed out volcano in Hampshire
    Posts
    41,872

    Re: Female Led Relationship/Marriage

    Well, if it works for you two then that's great.

    But I strongly advise that you put a few more paragraph breaks into your text, to make it more easily readable.

  8. #8
    Damsel Diva Jubjub
    Location
    Nottinghamshire
    Posts
    8,060

    Re: Female Led Relationship/Marriage

    Ooh, a sex-powered housekeeper. No thanks.


  9. #9
    .......... Damsel Adelelee
    Location
    My House
    Posts
    40,452

    Re: Female Led Relationship/Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Katiekipper View Post
    This post was brought to you by ladycave.co.uk







    (sorry celeste, couldn't resist!)
    Just give me a block, I'm gonna be fine..........




  10. #10
    wide and shallow spritzer
    Posts
    4,172

    Re: Female Led Relationship/Marriage

    D'you know, most people just say "Hi, I'm xxx" on first introductions, rather than give an explicit run down on how their relationship works.

    Just a tip for general social interventions....
    Xander 25.10.04
    Zach 4.2.07
    and little Tabitha 6.8.11



  11. #11
    Ex Damsel
    Location
    Gone
    Posts
    1,028

    Re: Female Led Relationship/Marriage

    Well, I'm very happy for you both, I'm sure...

  12. #12
    Dynamic Damsel
    Posts
    242

    Re: Female Led Relationship/Marriage

    Crikey.

    Actually I find other peoples' sex lives tedious and a bit gross.

    It's great (really) that your husband is clever, your marriage happy etc etc, but I honestly have no idea why you felt the need to share it with the world (well- actually I do have a fair idea, but I thought the schools had gone back).

  13. #13
    Ex Damsel
    Location
    Gone
    Posts
    1,028

    Re: Female Led Relationship/Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Wench View Post
    Crikey.

    Actually I find other peoples' sex lives tedious and a bit gross.

    It's great (really) that your husband is clever, your marriage happy etc etc, but I honestly have no idea why you felt the need to share it with the world (well- actually I do have a fair idea, but I thought the schools had gone back).
    "You took the words right out of my mou- I mean, keyboard..."

  14. #14
    Dedicated Damsel Lady Caroline
    Location
    Isle of Man
    Posts
    53

    Re: Female Led Relationship/Marriage

    Good job it wasn't the first post then or introduction then isn't it, plus I am not most people and don't really give a fig about normal "general social interventions.... "

  15. #15
    Dynamic Damsel
    Posts
    242

    Re: Female Led Relationship/Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Lady Caroline View Post
    Not at all, it seems like a lot you do not understand this lifestyle or what I said about Jim, in reality he has a brain far superior to me and other people, but if you take the common sense bit he can be worse than a kid, his brain is always active and as such if I don’t tell him what to do god knows how he would even manage to get dressed in decent stuff and boy can he sulk, the nearest example I can thing is imagine that Elliot bloke in Holby City but about 10 times as scatty.
    Is Jim autistic/Asperger's, do you reckon?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lady Caroline View Post
    I would in reality say he has it very easy, I have to take care of all finances, make decisions oh and cook, all he does is the housework and my massages, so that’s just in effect a role reversal.
    That's actually SO true. My arms are very toned from all the time I massage my husband, so I am very grateful for that. I'm also lucky that he makes my decisions- I mean, I would have been late for the school run today if he hadn't decided which knicks I should wear. I said the blue ones, but he said 'Wench [that is actually what he calls me], I says the PINK'. so that was that, and I am so glad for him.

  16. #16
    Ex Damsel
    Location
    Gone
    Posts
    1,028

    Re: Female Led Relationship/Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Lady Caroline View Post
    I am not most people
    That's funny. Last time I checked, I wasn't either. I was actually just me, believe it or not.

  17. #17
    30-something Damsel bubbasweet
    Location
    Surrey
    Posts
    16,616

    Re: Female Led Relationship/Marriage

    What's the concise version of all this please?

  18. #18
    Chief Damsel Damsella
    Location
    A hollowed out volcano in Hampshire
    Posts
    41,872

    Re: Female Led Relationship/Marriage

    Well, we have a new member here who has shared some of her life with us, I don't see a problem with that.

    I don't share her lifestyle, or wish to, but it makes for interesting reading!

  19. #19
    Dynamic Damsel
    Posts
    242

    Re: Female Led Relationship/Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by bubbasweet View Post
    What's the concise version of all this please?
    troll.

  20. #20
    Deadly Viper Assassin Elle Driver
    Posts
    30,926

    Re: Female Led Relationship/Marriage

    i'm too polite to say, bubba.

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