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  1. #1
    in carpet heaven! woohoo! Candlelight
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    Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

    Please tell me that it's not just me I seem to have some very fair-weather friends who would be loyal to anyone else BUT me....

    and friends who you go out of your way to help, and then they turn nasty/funny on you

    Have other people been dropped suddenly, without your friend hearing your side of events or even dropping you when you have NO idea why?
    Last edited by Candlelight; 15-11-2009 at 05:43pm.
    Oliver, 6 & Lily, 3 July 2008
    (Stone!) to lose

  2. #2
    Doughty Damsel Fawkes
    Location
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    Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

    Yes. And to be honest it was no great loss.

    ETA One friend left me waiting outside her house for 3 hours (after a 2 hour drive) before I gave up and left, as she was too busy shopping. She never apologised. And when I told her I expected one. She did the above and I shed her.

    I have a family member who hates me, I don't know why -I've asked numerous times and not got to the bottom of it. No great loss.


  3. #3
    in carpet heaven! woohoo! Candlelight
    Location
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    Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

    Oh dear, just you and me Fawkes

  4. #4
    Damsel Diva Lady Leah
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    Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

    No, I have a friend who has dropped me as well, there were 4 of us that did everything together, then all of a sudden one girl started declining invitations to concerts, nights out etc, then stopped replying to texts, sending birthday cards etc and that was that

    Its a shame as her eldest and mine were the same age. The other 2 other friends don't seem too bothered but I miss her a lot, we used to get on so well.

    I have heard from another mutual friend that 'we' (ie me and the other 2 girls) did something to offend her but I don't know what I would love to ask her but don't like confrontation!
    DS1 26.05.2005

    DS2 28.10.2008


  5. #5
    Damsel Diva Solitaire
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    Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

    I lost a so called friend last year, when she started being really secretive about stuff - it felt like she no longer trusted me enough to tell me the important things in her life. I still don't know if I did anything wrong, or if she just had a screw loose

  6. #6
    Damsel Diva
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    Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

    Yes .

    I was best friends with a girl I did my PhD with, in fact we were bridesmaids for one another, but she dropped me, and I had no clue why. I was v awkward as we had babies at the same time and go to all the same toddler groups etc. Eventually earlier this year I decided to confront her over it, and she told me her reason, which tbh was totally to me, and could have been cleared up 5 years ago with a bit of communication. We are on speaking terms again now, but a lot of water has gone under the bridge, and I think we are very different people now, so I don't think we can ever be close again.

    What has annoyed me though is mutual friends who we had, who have also dropped me because of it, and other mum's at toddler group who have heard whispers on the grapevine and are frosty to me. It makes me cross that through hearing one side of a story people are that ready to make a judgement, but what can I do? I am not going to lose sleep over these people, although I admit that it does upset me that I have lost several friends over it all.

    This all sounds like I did something awful, honestly if I explained it all it is so petty, but was just a situation that was never resolved and spiralled out of control. I am honestly a good person .

  7. #7
    Damsel Diva Jaywalk
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    Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

    Sarah do you think that was really the reason for dropping you?
    Just wondering as it may have been something she didn't want to admit to - jealous maybe......?

    It has happened to me and it was no great loss but it was the problem of shared friends which was the worst part. I never found out why from her but have a suspician it was something to do with her husband ( now split up from )



    The task in front of you is no bigger than the force behind you

  8. #8
    in carpet heaven! woohoo! Candlelight
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    Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

    It has happened to me and it was no great loss but it was the problem of shared friends which was the worst part.


    And do you find that shared friends always seem to dump you?!

  9. #9
    Only goth in the village bernardeena
    Posts
    9,138

    Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

    I really just wish that if you have offended or upset someone that they would tell you about it. How can something be sorted if they just drop you out of the blue and no explanation? If someone wants to fall out with me and drop me as a friend then that is their choice, but I wouldn't like to think I have offended someone accidentally and unintentionally hurt someones feelings.

  10. #10
    Stealth Bragger Minky
    Location
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    Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

    Yep, it's happened to me.
    Minky, Big Princess T (16 March 2004) and ickle Princess T (25 July 2007). Feb 2006

  11. #11
    Damsel Diva Tara
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    Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

    Quote Originally Posted by bernardeena View Post
    I really just wish that if you have offended or upset someone that they would tell you about it. How can something be sorted if they just drop you out of the blue and no explanation? If someone wants to fall out with me and drop me as a friend then that is their choice, but I wouldn't like to think I have offended someone accidentally and unintentionally hurt someones feelings.
    I agree, Bernadeena. However, I think that often this is just an excuse - rather than just acknowledging that a friendship has run its course, there is this need for a 'reason'. Several others have already mentioned that these 'reasons' can be very petty if not completely illusory, but it is as if there needs to be an excuse, rather than just letting things drift. And that's when it becomes particularly hurtful when shared friends get caught up in these 'reasons'.

    I also think that friendships that come about through a joint experience of something life-changing or out of the ordinary, such as pregnancy, PhDs or travel, are pretty vulnerable when it comes to lasting the distance in the calmer, less dramatic, waters of everyday life. Once that shared experience has passed, there can often be little to sustain the friendship. Sarah, I wonder if that is what happened to you?

  12. #12
    Damsel Diva Jaywalk
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    Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

    Quote Originally Posted by Candlelight View Post


    And do you find that shared friends always seem to dump you?!
    No they didn't actually but I was very peed off with one person because I know she could have helped to sort it out but she seemed to enjoy stirring the wooden spoon instead....... so I've not had much to do with her since.

  13. #13
    Damsel Diva santafi
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    Hunter Valley, NSW, Australia
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    Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

    I've been dropped by my oldest and dearest friend and I've no idea why, well I have a possible idea but I can't believe it's that as there's no way she's that prejudiced.

    She's godmother to my kids, my son was page boy at her wedding and we were so close. She even came home early from her honeymoon when my daughter was dying in the NICU.

    One day she stopped returning my calls/answering emails/letters/texts etc and I've no idea why. She had a baby girl last year and I didn't even know she was pregnant until she sent me a text telling me she'd been born safe and sound.

    I miss her so much but I can't keep trying - its heartbreaking being ignored all the time. Looking back she always kept her life to herself (or maybe I just share more with people) and there's a lot about her that I just don't know but it's still horrible being dumped like this by someone I considered a sister.
    don't be afraid to fly



  14. #14
    Only goth in the village bernardeena
    Posts
    9,138

    Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tara View Post
    I agree, Bernadeena. However, I think that often this is just an excuse - rather than just acknowledging that a friendship has run its course, there is this need for a 'reason'. Several others have already mentioned that these 'reasons' can be very petty if not completely illusory, but it is as if there needs to be an excuse, rather than just letting things drift.
    That's the thing, some friendships do just drift and that is life, it is just when people drop you out of the blue for no aparent reason. Surely drifting happens, but that doesn't sound like what happens to a lot of people, not when groups of friends are split and you don't know why (not me, just some people's experience) It is just sad that people would rather ignore things and break up groups of friends rather then deal with things.

  15. #15
    Damsel Diva Tara
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    Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

    Santafi, that is just awful and so utterly bizarre. I'm so sorry.

  16. #16
    Doughty Damsel Fawkes
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    Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

    Minky, what happened?


    Santafi that sounds awful.

    Hug to anyone who feels like this.

    I'm do agree that friendships run their course but sometimes you can get dropped and really don't know why, it's gutless and gutwrenching.

  17. #17
    Damsel Diva
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    Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

    Quote Originally Posted by Jaywalk View Post
    Sarah do you think that was really the reason for dropping you?
    Just wondering as it may have been something she didn't want to admit to - jealous maybe......?
    Quote Originally Posted by Tara View Post
    I agree, Bernadeena. However, I think that often this is just an excuse - rather than just acknowledging that a friendship has run its course, there is this need for a 'reason'. Several others have already mentioned that these 'reasons' can be very petty if not completely illusory, but it is as if there needs to be an excuse, rather than just letting things drift. And that's when it becomes particularly hurtful when shared friends get caught up in these 'reasons'.

    I also think that friendships that come about through a joint experience of something life-changing or out of the ordinary, such as pregnancy, PhDs or travel, are pretty vulnerable when it comes to lasting the distance in the calmer, less dramatic, waters of everyday life. Once that shared experience has passed, there can often be little to sustain the friendship. Sarah, I wonder if that is what happened to you?
    I think you are both right in my case. Our falling out occurred just after my wedding and a year after hers. She had the wedding of the century, and I have to say looking back that one of the reasons I was such a bridezilla before my own was competitive. Then I thought that as we were both pregnant and then had babies we would have things in common and draw us back together, but in fact the opposite happened. I honestly think that she was peed off that I got pregnant first, and whenever I saw her she turned into a competitive mummy.

    Looking back I think we probably had quite an unhealthy friendship as we were competitive over everything from who had the nicer towels in their bathroom to the better car. I am not normally like that as a person at all, and I think I got dragged into it in some kind of perfectionist high-achieving scientist lunacy.

    The loss of shared friends does upset me though, it has had quite far-reaching implications for our whole family rather than just me.

    Santafi, your situation is very sad.

  18. #18
    Damsel Diva Tara
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    Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

    Quote Originally Posted by *SarahR* View Post
    I am not normally like that as a person at all, and I think I got dragged into it in some kind of perfectionist high-achieving scientist lunacy.

    The loss of shared friends does upset me though, it has had quite far-reaching implications for our whole family rather than just me.
    Sarah, I'm sorry that it all morphed into something so strange. I don't know how recently this all happened, but sometimes a bit of distance from events can soften others' attitudes, and I hope that hapens for you too.

  19. #19
    Damsel Diva
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    Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

    Hopefully Tara, thank you . I have probably made myself sound like a bit of a wierdo here tonight, I am very nice irl I promise .

  20. #20
    Carpe Diem katkinn
    Location
    Kent
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    Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

    Quote Originally Posted by *SarahR* View Post
    Hopefully Tara, thank you . I have probably made myself sound like a bit of a wierdo here tonight, I am very nice irl I promise .
    I just wanted to vouch for SarahR She's absolutely lovely irl

    And huge huge huge hugs to Minks (feck her, the fecking biatch )

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