She stood me up...again!

[iGnome]

I'm really pissed off and teary. Mum was going to come up tomorrow, we were going to the shops but I was just on the phone to her and she told me she was babysitting for my brother again.

I told her we were going out and she said but he had no one to look after his kids because the MIL won't do it 2 days in a row and couldn't do it tomorrow so my brother took the kids to his MIL today, but never bothered to tell my mum who was waiting for them today and thought they had been in an accident or something, took her 45 minutes to get hold of them to find out.


I so ****ing pissed off, this happens all the time. I told mum that and then she got upset and couldn't understand what my problem was so I told her it was because she drops everything for brothers kids and then I said "oh, but don't worry, I'm getting used to it because it happens so frequently" so she gets all teary and say " well what am I supposed to do"...and I said "let him sort his own problems out"

You know, the more she does this, the more I hate my brother and his kids (I know, it's not their fault, but thats how I feel) because she told him we were going out but then said okay she would do it. he NEVER says "oh, thats okay, we'll find someone else". Thats part of the problem, he doesn't care less about the fact I get stopod up, as long as he has his free babysitting covered he doesn't care about how it impacts on anyone else.

I'm such a stupid mug. I'm using 2 weeks of my annual leave to look after mum when she has her knee replaced because **** head brother won't do it. I've lost a days pay taking her to the doctor because again, my brother won't do it, he would never give up a days pay for something like that...and yet I get stood up.

[cherry fizz]

what a s**t your brother is. i think you're doing the right thing by telling your mum you are pissed off BUT perhaps you need state it when you're not upset, so she understands it wasn't just that you'd been stood up but that your brother is taking advantage of her. your mum doesn't sound in the best health to be looking after children, by the sounds of things.

if she can't stand up to him perhaps you will have to do it on her behalf and tell him to give her time to recuperate at the very least. then tell him she has an important appointment and you can't take the time off work, so he has to take her. if he won't you can point out that having kids is a responsibility to work around not something you can use an excuse or shrug off on to someone else as and when he pleases.

if he gets arsey about this, and i were you, i'd be strongly recommending my mum took a break from helping him - and that might mean a break from talking to him till he appreciates the situation and, more to the point, appreciates her.

i absolutely dont blame you for being mad, i'd be furious.

[icclebunny]

I'd be p!ssed off too if I were you. I really hope you get something sorted, it isnt fair on you at all

[iGnome]

I waited til I calmed down last night and rang my brother. I told him I didn't think I could get the annual leave now (not true) and that as I was working 3 days the week of her operation, then would he be able to look after dad and take him to see her on the saturday and sunday of that week even though I know it's over an hour drives from my brother.

She's having the operation on a Tuesday, so I said I was working the Monday, Saturday and Sunday. Anyway, he said "yes". I almost fell off the couch. He said he'd check in on dad (he lives closer than me) every day after work and take the kids up. I'm sure I got the right number, but this seemed like a different person

So, I am not going to use my annual leave for that week. I don't see why I should now.

I also told him about the fact she won't be fully back on her feet till next year and he said he thought as much and has a friend whose studying childcare that can get the kids into a childcare centre for him. He then tells me that mum was also worried about having the operation because he'd have no one to look after the kids and he said to me "she can't do it much longer anyway as she can't keep up with them" and she'll only be doing it next year if she wants to because he's going to go for the childcare.....hmmm, somethings changed I tell you. I don't know what, I don't care but it I'll wait till it happens before I believe it.

Then I said something like "okay, well when you take the kids to mums tomorrow, don't tell her I might not be able to get the leave" and he said "they aren't going there tomorrow" and I said " yes they are because she cancelled on me to look after them like she normally does (I was very a bit jokey so not to offend) and he had no idea (so he said) that she was doing that and was really apologetic but did say " but I really need her tomorrow so even if I had known, I would have taken her offer but I honestly didn't know she was doing that" so, I didn't mention the fact that mum says she tells him because I don't know if she does....also didn't know I'd taken a day off work to take mum to the doc. So anyway, he ended up ringing her and she has the kids today, but I wonder what his inital plan was, because he didn't think she was doing it today. So, am a bit confused as to why he would cancel his inital plan, then ring mum and tell her she was looking after the kids. Why couldn't he stick to his inital plan (have no idea what it was) and then mum and me could have gone out. It's too bloody confusing to think about.

So here is the thing. Either my brother has changed since I last spoke to him (erm, about 5 months, I think, haven't seen him since xmas) or he was lying or my mother is standing me up to look after his kids because she wants to look after the grandkids and my mum is lying to me saying that she's told my brother we are going out when actually she hasn't. I no longer know what the **** to think...and I'm not wasting anymore time to think about it.

So, at the end of the day, I don't have a bloody clue what shit is going on but

1. I am NOT using my annual leave to look after dad and take him to see mum when she is in hospital. I'll do it on my days off, but definately not using annual leave for the first week. The second week I'll probably have to as I'm having mum stay with me when she leaves hospital.

2. When she goes to the anethetist, she goes at a time that suits me, I'm not taking another day without pay. Otherwise, if it's a Tuesday, I'll tell her to ring my brother, he normally has Tuesdays off, just not this week because he said he was doing a course at work so had to swap his day off. Fair enough.

3. If my brother doesn't end up taking dad up and looking in on him, it will be on his shoulders if anything happens to him not mine. Since they are OUR parents, not just mine, he can help out to...but I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I'll ring dad each night to make sure he is okay.

4. If she stands me up again to babysit, I'll not ring my brother to find out if she told him or not as I don't fancy causing a fallout over it and it seems that their is two sides to this story and I'm the one who doesn't know the truth!!!! I really have no idea actually what to do about this because whilst it pisses me off, I don't want a huge war to break out over it. So, I guess I'll just erm forget it, I dunno