**sensitive** physical contact and small kids

**Shoppie** · 12-07-2009, 10:04pm

I've toyed with whether to write this and if so how for ages, but I figure better to ask than get it wrong.

What sort of physical contact is ok ith kids and what not (when they're yours) I'm guessing I feel it even more because they are boys, as well as my issues from growing up.

Input appreciated, not really something I wish to dwell on but now T is 3 its beginning to worry me (I was first raped the day I turned 5)

Thanks

**Chocolate Lips** · 12-07-2009, 10:06pm

I'm not sure I fully understand sweetie - you're asking what contact is acceptable for your own children?

**Petrus** · 12-07-2009, 10:08pm

Erm well for me personally; kisses, cuddles, when he has a bath i want to make sure everything is clean so will show him and encourage him how to wash his bits and pieces. I'm not bothered about nakedness neither is he but if he's completley starkers i will ask him to put on a pair of pants. Not sure what else you mean hunny.

I'm sorry about what happened to you hunny

I can't even imagine

Adifferentnutty mumof3 · 12-07-2009, 10:09pm

Oh gosh Shoppie - how difficult for you.

In our house we are very relaxed - I will touch their bits if they are sore and need looking at IYSWIM but not otherwise although I squeeze their bottoms all the time. We cuddle them when they are naked and if we are when they come into bed.

You know how you love your boys is right and innoent - so try not to worry and do what you feel is right and feels right.

**Shoppie** · 12-07-2009, 10:09pm

Yes. Like being naked with them/ bathing with them/ kissing them type stuff

urgh cringe I hate the fact I need to ask - I could ask DH but he'd

at the fact I'm asking and have a panic - I don't fancy them in a dodgy way at all

but I don't wish to cause them issues their whole lives by doing inappropriate things!!!

**Old Speckled Hen** · 12-07-2009, 10:09pm

Originally Posted by Shoppie

I've toyed with whether to write this and if so how for ages, but I figure better to ask than get it wrong.

What sort of physical contact is ok ith kids and what not (when they're yours) I'm guessing I feel it even more because they are boys, as well as my issues from growing up.

Input appreciated, not really something I wish to dwell on but now T is 3 its beginning to worry me (I was first raped the day I turned 5)

Thanks

Shoppie, how awful for you. And I can understand why you might be worried. I have two girls and, to be honest, we've not crossed that bridge. They sit on me in the bath, they sit on my husband, it's nothing sexual, just row, row the boat etc...
We clean them and help the older one on the toilet if and when she needs it. They have PJ on in bed, as do we. But we cuddle them naked, in the bath etc.
We tell them their bits are private and theirs and that's about it.
We've never hit them but cuddles etc bathtime, it's all fun, if you see what I mean.
Does that answer the question

sorry, not a good reply to your post.

**Mrs B** · 12-07-2009, 10:11pm

Depends on how and why it's done I think. For example Sol loves putting his hand down my top for comfort, which I'm ok with atm but as soon as he realises that breasts are a sexual/female thing then I'll stop it. We kiss on the lips, MrB kisses him on the lips, but obviously just a peck rather than a smooch, and again I'm sure this will stop at some stage.

I think so long as both parties are comfortable with it, then it's ok. I can see why you have concerns, but if there's no force involved Shoppie then I don't think it's anything to worry about.

**Old Speckled Hen** · 12-07-2009, 10:12pm

Originally Posted by Shoppie

Yes. Like being naked with them/ bathing with them/ kissing them type stuff

urgh cringe I hate the fact I need to ask - I could ask DH but he'd

at the fact I'm asking and have a panic - I don't fancy them in a dodgy way at all

but I don't wish to cause them issues their whole lives by doing inappropriate things!!!

I don't think you're worrying about anything that we haven't all thought about at some point. I think until they go errrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh at kisses then we keep going

DH's parents still cuddle and kiss him and he's 40.

ETA he doesn't have a bath with them though!!

**fifitrix** · 12-07-2009, 10:13pm

I think that all LOs get to a stage where they will make it clear if they are embarrassed or uncomfortable?

I guess as parents all we can do is make sure we understand those signs and adjust accordingly. I imagine from your own experience (

) you will be very sensitive to this so I think you will do just fine

**Lilacgirl** · 12-07-2009, 10:14pm

So sorry to hear your story Shoppie, it must make things very difficult and confusing for you.

We are pretty relaxed - have showers etc with Zach around. He wonders around naked and sits on our laps after baths. Obviously he needs to be washed properly around his bits. I don't really like him running around naked too much but that's just because I'm paranoid he'd trap his bits in something and cause damage!