How do you discipline them for the small things?

**Lilybett** · 06-10-2008, 07:41pm

At the moment L is being quite difficult generally, not always completely awful behaviour but VERY often not doing as she is told.

For example we had a rather typical morning getting ready for school. I asked her to come into the bathroom to brush her teeth (she likes this as we have strawberry toothpaste at the moment!). She doesn't answer me and continues looking at a book. I ask her three time before having to actually take her by the hand and take her there. Next we have to get dressed and she is totally uncooprative, trying to run away laughing and when I ask her to put her socks on herself she throws them down the stairs and hides in her bed before stripping off her top

I started to brush her hair and she kept trying to run off. It continued much in the same vein until I lost it and started shouting which didn't achieve anything apart from stressing me out even more, making B jump

and making us late.

I know its all attention seeking behaviour but I'm struggling with how to deal with it. Its not bad enough to warrant timeout/naughty step but I don't want to continue as we are as its just getting worse and I'm becoming a fishwife on repeat, always shouting 'Stop it Lottie', 'Come here Lottie', 'Do as you are told Lottie'

How do you deal with this sort of thing in your house??

**WoollyNewty** · 06-10-2008, 07:45pm

How do you deal with this sort of thing in your house??

Erm, good question!!

Honestly Alex went through EXACTLY the same thing a while after W was born! He was never obviously jealous or anything but getting him dressed was the BIGGEST pain in the arse ever. He is so strong and he used to just turn it into an (attention seeking) game. Honestly - it used to end up with me thinking that neighbours were going to call Social Services

....

We'd end up running late and he's be on his bed sort of LEAPING about like a salmon and thrashing around. I would be screaming 'STOP IT AAAAAAAAAALLLLLEXXXXXXXX, STAY STILL RIGHT NOW' and having to pin him down like a wrestler.

We never really 'dealt' with it - it just sort of passed. It was a weird, highly aggravating, phase! I had actually forgotten about it until now but remember it makes me shudder! EVERY bloody day it went on! I guess the novelty wore off in the end (either that or he got sick of the shouting

).

**Mrs B** · 06-10-2008, 07:51pm

Oh heck, I was going to post exactly the same thing a few days ago, Sol has been a nightmare like this recently! It's always small things, like asking him to get in his car seat or finish his pudding etc yet it takes threatening him with no bedtime story/tv/loss of toy to make him do simple things. I've been told it's just a phase, it will pass etc and I think the more I let it get to me, the more he does it. So am trying to be very chilled about it and not let him see me upset. A bit hit and miss atm but early days, I'm trying to learn not to sweat about it.

**Angel and Boo** · 06-10-2008, 07:52pm

She's 2y10mo? If yes, at that age I avoid the argument which always proves futile and just get on with it I'm afraid.

I don't think there's a whole lot you can do with that kind of behaviour until they are about 4yo.

**wickenwoman** · 06-10-2008, 08:11pm

Don't sweat the small stuff, it just leads to a relationship that is fraught. As much as it doesn't help, it is just a phase and it will pass.

Debs

**goldilocks** · 06-10-2008, 08:22pm

If E is playing up I have to look at my behaviour/expectations of her and usually realise it is me at fault not her

I diffuse difficult situations by turning the things I need her to do into a game.

Works every time

**Miffy** · 06-10-2008, 08:29pm

LB. I completely empathise with you as J is just the same atm, especially when he's tired.
We bought him some stickers at the weekend and have been basically bribing him with those for things like getting dressed/undressed etc.
I'm having a real problem with him ignoring me at the moment as well. Its driving me nuts. Its stressing me more than it should as there have been questions about his hearing from playgroup.

I'm pretty sure there is nothing wrong with him and he's just being 2, but every time he won't respond to me it puts another seed of doubt into my head.

I'm finding it difficult to deal with due to being tired etc. myself.

**WoollyNewty** · 06-10-2008, 08:38pm

I'm finding it difficult to deal with due to being tired etc. myself.

Do you know I think that is the crux of it. When you are tired (well at least when I am!) parenting is a WHOLE different ball game. I was never really a 'fly off the handle' type of person until I had W and the tiredness hit. Then I'd find myself in situation where before I would hardly even have noticed or just got on with it and NOW I would be yelling or raging.

When you are tired even the simplest task is just

- let alone throwing a contrary toddler into the mix. It's also REALLY gets to me when the/your baby is affected e.g. if they are going to get woken up or hurt a bit by the antics. I can remember yelling at Alex because I was so stressed he was waking William up. Everything just became more pressured. It's sort of worn off now - I've reached 'I don't give a f'ck anymore' sort of plateau

.

**Miffy** · 06-10-2008, 08:41pm

Baby not even here yet. God knows what it will be like when it does

**Katiekipper** · 06-10-2008, 08:41pm

I turned it into a game, and made sure that I approached boring situations like getting dressed and brushing teeth in a way that they'd engage in and want to do. Usually races where they inevitably beat me, or making up a song to go with each action, me getting their tights on my head etc!
That way, when I was really in a hurry and said "Get dressed now" they knew it was a time not to mess about and refuse.

**Angie** · 06-10-2008, 09:12pm

Originally Posted by Lilybett

How do you deal with this sort of thing in your house??

Erm, the same way as you usually. DS1 is going through a real phase of ignoring every request

. So I tend to have reached the end of my patience long before bedtime and resort to shouting like a deranged fishwife for every little misdemeanor.

I find turning it into a game has better results than shouting. For instance, DS1 loves the movie 'Cars' so we might play a game where he has to tidy all his toys before the combine harvester gets us - he loves that. But I'm really tired at the moment and despite my good intentions I still end up as 'mean, shouty mummy' rather than 'relaxed, fun mummy' more often than I want to admit too

**Lilybett** · 06-10-2008, 09:22pm

Originally Posted by WoollyNewty

We'd end up running late and he's be on his bed sort of LEAPING about like a salmon and thrashing around. I would be screaming 'STOP IT AAAAAAAAAALLLLLEXXXXXXXX, STAY STILL RIGHT NOW' and having to pin him down like a wrestler.

Thank you Woolly - thats the first thing that has made me laugh all day!

Anyway, thank you for every ones replies so far. I think that Wollys suggestion that tiredness makes everything take on a different light is a very good point, I am constantly tired at the moment from dealing with the both of them and I know my temper fuse can be very short.

I have tried the game thing and it had rather limited success

She gets bored of things very quickly and although the 'lets make funny faces in the mirror whilst brushing our teeth' game can work very well for the first 2 days, by day 3 she couldn't care less!

I will try not to stress as much about it and let the smaller things slide if I can. I might try the stickers as well Miffy, she adores them so they could help

**Blonde Girl** · 07-10-2008, 05:43am

You could be describing Dan a few months ago, with the not listening and having to say 'come on'about a million times a day

He is much better recently, partly as he has grown out of it a bit and partly because he is a competitive little sod and I turn everything into a race and he cannot bear to lose so will do what I ask him to even if he really doesn't want to, rather than let me win

**Azana** · 07-10-2008, 06:48am

In general I think like the others I pick my battles, and try and praise the good things they are actually doing well.

Everything is easier when I am not tired.

I also con them into doing stuff, so race to get dressed, oooh who can pick up a red bit of duplo (tidying up), bribery, I also find sometimes asking them to do something and walking away as if I expect them to do it works quite well, especially with dressing etc..

If all else fails I remove any privileges (so eg we are NOT going to pay as you go dance class today), put them in the car without their socks/shoes on or whatever and I do shout but try and keep it to not often.

I definately think that it is hard to stay one step ahead of them - we have loads of other things to do they can spend all day long working out which buttons to press to annoy and where the boundaries are.

**Blonde Girl** · 07-10-2008, 07:38am

that is so true Azana!

**Cherrypie** · 07-10-2008, 07:44am

I try and ride above the small stuff tbh, or try and seem not to notice that she's being awkward. The thrill of being a little monkey often loses it's appeal if no-one notices!

**Franny** · 07-10-2008, 10:53am

I also con them into doing stuff, so race to get dressed, oooh who can pick up a red bit of duplo (tidying up), bribery, I also find sometimes asking them to do something and walking away as if I expect them to do it works quite well, especially with dressing etc..

We do that. She has only just sussed dressing herself, however.