How do you explain death to a 4 year old?

**Princess Fiona** · 29-09-2008, 07:52pm

Well she's not even 4 yet and i can't believe that already i'm having to explain something like this to her

She doesn't seem to understand that she's never going to see a certain person again and its hard for me to explain to her whilst i'm so upset myself.

I don't know how to deal with it??

Its a child that has passed btw which is why its so upsetting, she knows that old people die or that you die when you're old but how on earth do i explain to her that someone her own age has gone?

I've tried saying that they've gone to sleep forever and that they won't ever wake up but that they're happy but she just keeps talking about taking them to the Dr's to make them "back alive" again

**girlskull** · 29-09-2008, 07:54pm

I really wouldn't know where to begin, I'm afraid - I'm really sorry but couldn't read without giving you and your DD some of these

xx

**August Girl** · 29-09-2008, 07:55pm

Oh how very sad

I wish i knew as we have only lost elderly relatives and it's much easier to explain.

**cheeky_biscuit** · 29-09-2008, 07:55pm

Emma just accepted Charlie (the cat)s death - she said she was sad, but is very clear that Charlie won't be coming home. She has an imaginary castle and says that Charlie is there, could you discuss the concept of heaven (or an imaginary castle) where dead people go?

**Littlejojo** · 29-09-2008, 07:57pm

ahh the poor little thing, especialy as another child involved.

Well we told Mia that the dr's could not make my mum better, and she is now up above the clouds to be with my dad. She watches down and can see what Mia and Holly is doing.

I must of said a bit more than that but I can not remember. We also talk about my mum quite a lot so death is not seen as a terrible taboo thing if that makes sense.

The thing I worry about though is my mum had a bad leg, at some point during her illness and Mia always asked which was the bad one, and could she sit on my mums lap. Now I have a bad lef with my sciatica so I hope that I am not going to go away.

**sharon** · 29-09-2008, 07:57pm

Awww no that's horrible hun. It's so hard to know!!! Sorry that's not much use but I just dunno what i would say.

**wickenwoman** · 29-09-2008, 07:57pm

for you. It's horrible isn't it?

There are some books out there that explain death in terms little ones can understand.

We had to explain the death of a classmate our nursery/foundation aged children earlier this year and we avoided talking about 'going to sleep forever' because we were aware that it could frighten some of them.

Was the little one ill? We told our children that our LO was so poorly that not even the doctors could make him better, so he had died. That meant we would never see them again. TBH it was a concept we had to keep revisiting.

Debs

**Elle Driver** · 29-09-2008, 07:58pm

Can you liken it to something breaking - like a toy she's had. That nothing lasts forever? That people run out of batteries...lose their 'fuel' iyswim, regardless of their age - some people can run for miles some people just for minutes?

Thankfully Ruby just accepted that her great grandma was here one day and then not the next, it saved us a lot of heartache having to go over it and over it.

I have however, stopped reading Bambi too her. That was just too much, watching her eyes and little brain try and fathom it all out; she even asked me if she would lose her mummy (me!) one day. Broke my heart

**Seagull&Snoopy** · 29-09-2008, 07:58pm

Originally Posted by Princess Fiona

Well she's not even 4 yet and i can't believe that already i'm having to explain something like this to her

She doesn't seem to understand that she's never going to see a certain person again and its hard for me to explain to her whilst i'm so upset myself.

I don't know how to deal with it??

Its a child that has passed btw which is why its so upsetting, she knows that old people die or that you die when you're old but how on earth do i explain to her that someone her own age has gone?

I've tried saying that they've gone to sleep forever and that they won't ever wake up but that they're happy but she just keeps talking about taking them to the Dr's to make them "back alive" again

All of these could help the first one is all about waterbugs and dragonflies .........and life cycle. Sadly it's a difficult concept. So maybe a plant to remember them by in the garden etc it's hard....

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Waterbugs-Dr...2714471&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Miss-You-Fir...ref=pd_sim_b_4

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Help-Me-Say-...ref=pd_sim_b_5

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Badgers-Part...ref=pd_sim_b_1

**shinyaholic** · 29-09-2008, 08:00pm

Oh PF

I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this.

If you don't mind the Christian idea of life after death then this book is supposed to be very very good:
http://www.play.com/Books/Books/4-/4...s/Product.html

I've not read the book myself but it was bought for my younger cousins when their brothers died and it really helped.