Could I have some thoughts and opinions please?

**DKNI** · 30-08-2008, 04:55pm

I have just received a photo in a frame of the boys on holiday.
They are with their cousins and ex's new step sons.

Now the rational part of me is saying its just a nice photo of some kids and its good for the boys to get used to the new dimension to their extend family.

The other side of me thinks there is no way I am having that in my house, why should I have it should in my face all the time???

I don't want my ex to think I have accepted all this and he is off scotfree to a happy life. But then i did send his stepsons a little gift from the boys as a thank you for their holiday so I am trying really hard to be the bigger person.

Then the final voice in my head goes its about the kids not you. Its only a photo and you don't have to sit and stare at it all day in anger or anything. Yer mad woman!

So how would you feel/think about the whole thing

**Hazy** · 30-08-2008, 05:54pm

Is it a nice photo? Is it a nice frame? If yes to both of those put it up but not somewhere you have to look at it all the time. It could even go in one of the kids rooms.

I can understand why you feel how you do but as you say it's not the children's fault and much as you might be angry at your ex it is nice that you have been thought of in this way. You don't want to feel excluded from this area of your children's lives and you certainly don't want them feeling that you don't want to hear about it.

**DKNI** · 30-08-2008, 05:58pm

Yes that is exactly how the rational side is thinking. Its a nice enough photo the colours would go well in their room so that was where I had planned to put it.

It just feels like I am giving him my full blessing and accepting them as part of my family as well iyswim.

Thank you

**Miss Frosty** · 30-08-2008, 05:59pm

Difficult one hun tbh as I can't imagine how you must feel about it all ( and I hope I never do) but if it was me, I would probably put it up. At the end of the day, it is not your ex's step sons fault that they are in the situation and it will also show your boys some normality re them, especially if they are going to continue to spend time with them in the future.

**One Sock** · 30-08-2008, 06:00pm

I think I would feel exactly like you do. The rational side would think 'how lovely for the boys to remember their extended family when they are not together, I'll put it in their room for them'. The irrational side would want to stomp on it and throw it in the bin.

**Chocolate Lips** · 30-08-2008, 06:05pm

It's a tough one, but they are part of your boys family now and always will be. Remember the kids are innocent in all of this.

**jubiedoo16** · 30-08-2008, 07:04pm

I would feel the same if we had split because he had left for someone else

(but I don't know if your ex did...i don't know how you split. However I would not be very accepting of the new 'family' being pushed in my face.
However I think then the rational side would kick in and think I had to do what was best for my children and there feelings.

**Spuggy** · 31-08-2008, 02:18pm

If I'm 100% honest, if it were me, it would go in a drawer somewhere. I know the 'right' thing to do would to be to put it up, but in heart of hearts, I don't think I could.

fluffymonster · 31-08-2008, 02:20pm

That's a real tough one. I think putting in the boy's room is a godo idea as you won't have to see it all the time (nor will visitors!) I think you are fantastic in the way that you have dealt with this and have certainly been the bigger person. I realise that this is very hard though.