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Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

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  • Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

    Please tell me that it's not just me I seem to have some very fair-weather friends who would be loyal to anyone else BUT me....

    and friends who you go out of your way to help, and then they turn nasty/funny on you

    Have other people been dropped suddenly, without your friend hearing your side of events or even dropping you when you have NO idea why?
    Last edited by Candlelight; 15-11-2009, 05:43pm.

  • #2
    Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

    Yes. And to be honest it was no great loss.

    ETA One friend left me waiting outside her house for 3 hours (after a 2 hour drive) before I gave up and left, as she was too busy shopping. She never apologised. And when I told her I expected one. She did the above and I shed her.

    I have a family member who hates me, I don't know why -I've asked numerous times and not got to the bottom of it. No great loss.

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    • #3
      Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

      Oh dear, just you and me Fawkes

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      • #4
        Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

        No, I have a friend who has dropped me as well, there were 4 of us that did everything together, then all of a sudden one girl started declining invitations to concerts, nights out etc, then stopped replying to texts, sending birthday cards etc and that was that

        Its a shame as her eldest and mine were the same age. The other 2 other friends don't seem too bothered but I miss her a lot, we used to get on so well.

        I have heard from another mutual friend that 'we' (ie me and the other 2 girls) did something to offend her but I don't know what I would love to ask her but don't like confrontation!

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        • #5
          Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

          I lost a so called friend last year, when she started being really secretive about stuff - it felt like she no longer trusted me enough to tell me the important things in her life. I still don't know if I did anything wrong, or if she just had a screw loose

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          • #6
            Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

            Yes .

            I was best friends with a girl I did my PhD with, in fact we were bridesmaids for one another, but she dropped me, and I had no clue why. I was v awkward as we had babies at the same time and go to all the same toddler groups etc. Eventually earlier this year I decided to confront her over it, and she told me her reason, which tbh was totally to me, and could have been cleared up 5 years ago with a bit of communication. We are on speaking terms again now, but a lot of water has gone under the bridge, and I think we are very different people now, so I don't think we can ever be close again.

            What has annoyed me though is mutual friends who we had, who have also dropped me because of it, and other mum's at toddler group who have heard whispers on the grapevine and are frosty to me. It makes me cross that through hearing one side of a story people are that ready to make a judgement, but what can I do? I am not going to lose sleep over these people, although I admit that it does upset me that I have lost several friends over it all.

            This all sounds like I did something awful, honestly if I explained it all it is so petty, but was just a situation that was never resolved and spiralled out of control. I am honestly a good person .

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            • #7
              Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

              Sarah do you think that was really the reason for dropping you?
              Just wondering as it may have been something she didn't want to admit to - jealous maybe......?

              It has happened to me and it was no great loss but it was the problem of shared friends which was the worst part. I never found out why from her but have a suspician it was something to do with her husband ( now split up from )

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              • #8
                Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

                It has happened to me and it was no great loss but it was the problem of shared friends which was the worst part.


                And do you find that shared friends always seem to dump you?!

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                • #9
                  Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

                  I really just wish that if you have offended or upset someone that they would tell you about it. How can something be sorted if they just drop you out of the blue and no explanation? If someone wants to fall out with me and drop me as a friend then that is their choice, but I wouldn't like to think I have offended someone accidentally and unintentionally hurt someones feelings.

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                  • #10
                    Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

                    Yep, it's happened to me.

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                    • #11
                      Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

                      Originally posted by bernardeena View Post
                      I really just wish that if you have offended or upset someone that they would tell you about it. How can something be sorted if they just drop you out of the blue and no explanation? If someone wants to fall out with me and drop me as a friend then that is their choice, but I wouldn't like to think I have offended someone accidentally and unintentionally hurt someones feelings.
                      I agree, Bernadeena. However, I think that often this is just an excuse - rather than just acknowledging that a friendship has run its course, there is this need for a 'reason'. Several others have already mentioned that these 'reasons' can be very petty if not completely illusory, but it is as if there needs to be an excuse, rather than just letting things drift. And that's when it becomes particularly hurtful when shared friends get caught up in these 'reasons'.

                      I also think that friendships that come about through a joint experience of something life-changing or out of the ordinary, such as pregnancy, PhDs or travel, are pretty vulnerable when it comes to lasting the distance in the calmer, less dramatic, waters of everyday life. Once that shared experience has passed, there can often be little to sustain the friendship. Sarah, I wonder if that is what happened to you?

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                      • #12
                        Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

                        Originally posted by Candlelight View Post


                        And do you find that shared friends always seem to dump you?!
                        No they didn't actually but I was very peed off with one person because I know she could have helped to sort it out but she seemed to enjoy stirring the wooden spoon instead....... so I've not had much to do with her since.

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                        • #13
                          Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

                          I've been dropped by my oldest and dearest friend and I've no idea why, well I have a possible idea but I can't believe it's that as there's no way she's that prejudiced.

                          She's godmother to my kids, my son was page boy at her wedding and we were so close. She even came home early from her honeymoon when my daughter was dying in the NICU.

                          One day she stopped returning my calls/answering emails/letters/texts etc and I've no idea why. She had a baby girl last year and I didn't even know she was pregnant until she sent me a text telling me she'd been born safe and sound.

                          I miss her so much but I can't keep trying - its heartbreaking being ignored all the time. Looking back she always kept her life to herself (or maybe I just share more with people) and there's a lot about her that I just don't know but it's still horrible being dumped like this by someone I considered a sister.

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                          • #14
                            Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

                            Originally posted by Tara View Post
                            I agree, Bernadeena. However, I think that often this is just an excuse - rather than just acknowledging that a friendship has run its course, there is this need for a 'reason'. Several others have already mentioned that these 'reasons' can be very petty if not completely illusory, but it is as if there needs to be an excuse, rather than just letting things drift.
                            That's the thing, some friendships do just drift and that is life, it is just when people drop you out of the blue for no aparent reason. Surely drifting happens, but that doesn't sound like what happens to a lot of people, not when groups of friends are split and you don't know why (not me, just some people's experience) It is just sad that people would rather ignore things and break up groups of friends rather then deal with things.

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                            • #15
                              Re: Friends who suddenly drop you and you don't know why?!

                              Santafi, that is just awful and so utterly bizarre. I'm so sorry.

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