View Full Version : "Spoiling" them or "treating" them.
When does buying them treats cross the line into spoiling them as my girls have just been called spoilt brats by my next door neighbour?
As far as I'm concerned "spoilt" is when a child has the horrible, stinking attitude, not when their parents buy them treats or rewards them for doing well at school or whatever.
We bought Ellie a new winter coat at the weekend (only a £8 Primark job to see her through until Christmas when she'll get her Christmas present coat from nanny) and some tights and knickers, etc. I also ordered her a pair of fab, silver sparkly shoes last week and they came yesterday.
Her friend has got a pair and she was desperate for a pair, and as a reward for going up a level in her reading and numeracy at school I ordered them for her. They arrived yesterday and she is absolutely in love with them, she even slept in them last night :lurve:
To be honest, winter coats, tights and knickers aren't really a treat, they're a necessity so I don't see how a child can be spoilt by buying them necessities. The shoes are a treat but it's not like she has these things every week, or even every month. She gets the odd comics and bits and pieces, but apart from that she doesn't get very much.
I think children have to be rewarded and treated every now and then. She doesn't always get big things, last time she was rewarded she got a Barbie comic.
Do we spoil her?
I agree, spoilt is when they have so much stuff they don't appreciate it, or learn how to bully parents into buying crap.
Doesn't sound like you spoil her at all :shrug: I'd say it's the neighbours problem...
I don't think clothes are really spoiling!
I think its when kids EXPECT stuff that they are spoilt, and they don't see things as special treats iyswim.
Your neighbour sounds delightful!
No. Well not in my book anyway. I usually buy something for my girls whenever I am at the shops. Like you I think being spoilt it more about the attitude of the child rather than what the child gets iyswim. Children who arent shown how to respect others, be polite to others...etc are the spoilt ones imo anyway.
I bet your neighbour would call social services if you didn't provide warm clothes in winter!! What a load of tosh!
To me, a spoilt child is one who just has to stamp her foot to get what she wants, feels a sense of entitlement and never hears the word "no".
I don't think the odd treat will do any harm. I got a big toy for my LO today for no particular reason. She won't be here over the Christmas holidays so I didn't see the point in giving it to her then and I felt she would benefit from having the toy now so I just got it. She doesn't get stuff like that all the time so I don't see the problem.
I certainly wouldn't say that buying them clothes was spoiling them tbh, kids couldn't give a flying feck what they wear half the time IMO.
If you were buying them expensive toys/games week in week out for absolutely no reason then yes i'd say that was spoiling them.
I wouldn't say you've spoilt them at all bit :scratchchin: at your neighbour. Your lo obviously appreciates when you do get her stuff.
I would consider one of my nephews spoilt as he never goes anywhere without having something bought for him, he'll scream and shout if he doesn't get what he wants and has lots and lots of toys which he doesn't appreciate whatsoever (he's nearly 9 btw)
I don't think clothes are really spoiling!
Well, exactly. Not things like coats and tights. They're more necessities than anything else.
I admit I buy them far more clothes than necessary, but that's more for me than them :oops:. OK, the shoes are an out and out waste of money. They're silver and glittery and I've no idea where she's going to wear them but she LOVED them and I felt she deserved a treat. Even if she only wears them for dressing up, that's fine by me.
I do buy them stuff, but I don't think I go overboard, and if I see something I think they'd like, I buy it. I do get a certain amount of "can I have" and "I want that" now the Christmas adverts are in full swing, but she doesn't throw a tantrum or stamp her feet, she does understand that Christmas isn't far away and Santa is on his way.
We took them to Hamleys last year and told her to choose something. We didn't really put a limit on it or anything, and to be honest I was expecting a battering, but she chose a plastic microphone and a jigsaw.
I don't think that's spoiling. It's nice to have something lovely now and again for no other reason that it's nice! If she was getting everything she asked for then she'd be spoilt.
For goodness sake, sounds like your neighbours have some serious issues. Now they are not spoilt :happyno:
Spoilt is when you just don't know when or where to stop, the buying is obsessive and it becomes more about the parents than the kids. But FFS clothing and a pair of sparkly shoes? I hardly think so.
Did you hold your tongue? If so, you did very well!
Did you hold your tongue?
Not really. I was busy when she came round and I'm getting sick of her at the moment so I was a fairly abrupt with her.
I think a lot of it is jealousy, she's struggling a bit at the moment. I wouldn't mind too much if Ellie was out showing off about these things, but they were just sitting on the bottom of my stairs from where I'd prised them off Ellie this morning. Or am I expected to hide everything on the off chance she pops round?
We're just different I think. She commented on Ellie's coat yesterday morning and said her eldest desperately needed a new coat. I said I'd be going past Primark again at some point and did she want me to pick her one up. She told me that she was very skint at the moment, was down to her last £10 and couldn't afford it, but then I bumped into her in the shop last night buying 2 bottles of wine. I know what I'd chose if I was down to £10 and my daughter needed a new coat!
Your neighbour sounds like a right charmer! :rolleyes: Providing your children with clothes is hardly spoiling them!
I would say that spoilt is when they don't appreciate what you give them - your daughter obviously loves her shoes (but you do know you could be setting her up with an addiction for life, don't you! :teehee: )
I'm with you - I'd go without to make sure Ben had everything he needed. A winter coat is 100x more important than wine!
no i dont think you spoil her. imo a spoilt child is a child who demands things and gets them everytime regardless of attitude/behaviour.
i think getting her something new as a reward for doing well at school is lovely, and will probably keep encouraging her.
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