View Full Version : I feel like such a crap mother today
Lady M's Mummy
everything with Tilly feels like it is going tits up.
She has gone from being very good at having solids to not wanting to eat anything but fruit ( and today she doesn't even want that). She just clamps her mouth shut and refuses veg...won't sit still to eat, is distracted by anything and everything to the point of me having to clear the room and close the blind to try to get her to eat.
She has sod all routine and everytime i think she might be settling into one she decides to turn everything upside down. I am finding it impossible to fit in breakfast, lunch and dinner due to her erratic sleeping (not to mention the fact that she is refusing to eat and won't sit still)
I still can't get her to sleep in her cot during the day she just screams the house down...controlled crying hasn't worked and neither has shushing and patting.
She doesn't sleep through the night which my HV keeps saying is down to the fact that she isn't eating enough solids during the day. I don't know how many times i have to tell her SHE WON'T BERLUDDY EAT.
I have got to the point today where i am in floods of :cry: . I feel like a useless mother and i am upset with myself for being so frustrated with my child who is gorgeous and so sweet.
I think she might have a cold but is this enough to put her off her solids?
Rant over .
First off, I'd say "don't panic". It's normal for her to refuse solids at this stage; she's only barely six months. Ruth was mainly milk-fed until she turned one, and I know quite a few healthy happy babies who have followed that pattern. So the odd day or week on mainly milk is fine!
Re the routine, I don't have anything helpful to add, but maybe it would help if you started to note down when she sleeps/eats/plays - sometimes patterns become a lot clearer when written down.
Also, might she be teething / learning to sit up?
Hang on in there!
:hug: :hug: . I could have written this word for word about 3 weeks ago. Monty just wouldn't eat anything except a couple of mouthfuls of pear, his sleeping was all up the wall and I couldn't work out how to fit in his solid and milk feeds, naps and still have a life ffs. But it was just a phase (I hate it when people say that, but it is true), and a week or so later things were much better.
Monty did have a virus whilst all this was going on, he had a bit of a cold and also a horrid rash all over which we couldn't put down to anything he had eaten, and I think this did put him off his food. So hopefully Tilly's cold is also part of the reason.
Please don't feel like a crap mummy. I did too, but it is nothing you are doing wrong, although I know it is hard to believe it.
Have to dash to a crying Monty, but don't panic.
Have some more :choc: , and feel free to pm me if you want to moan anymore!
:hug:YOU'RE NOT A BAD MOTHER!
We all have days when it feels out of control, but I'm sure that it actually isn't. Eve has been fussy, fussy, fussy (& totally unpredictable) from birth, on a good day it's easier to see that she's just asserting her personality - which makes me :smile:, other days I feel like :hissyfit:
I have heard frequently that it's quite normal for babies to go off food for periods of time. I don't think that your HV is right to assign the fact that Tilly doesn't sleep through to whether she takes solids either - not that that helps you when you're shattered.
She'll get there you know, at some point they all will.
Firstly please take a big breath and calm down. I am sure Tilly is a very happy little girl. I want to know who set out your rules for judging you a good mother??
Let me do this one point at a time. I only weaned Gemma at 6 months. If she is ill she never eats. Why not try some finger food for Tilly perhaps she would like more interaction with the food. If she doen't want to eat you can't force her and the more stressed you are at food times the less likely she will be to eat as she will pick up on the tension. She will not starve herself and can survive very well on Milk alone with only small portions of food.
Who on earth said that babies should have a routine? Gemma's routine changes all the time. I just go with it as it makes life easier for us both. I just give her food when she is awake and hungry. We have no set times for anything and she is very happy with that. All children are different some thrive with routine and others hate it.
Sleeping in her cot during the day!! Gemma only did that recently (about 3 months ago) before that she slept in the car, in the pram mostly and occationally on me if we were out and about. I put a travel cot up in the lounge so that I could put her down there if she fell asleep on me or if I carried her in from the car still sleeping and it worked very well for us. She liked having the noise of the TV on.
Sleeping through the night - Well people have different opinions on this one, some people's children sleep through from 10pm to 5am. Again, every child is different and solid food has naff all to do with sleeping through IMHO. Again I would just go with it, she will sleep through when she is ready. Gemma only slept 7:30 to 6am regularly when she was 11 months.
So I say again, you love her and care for her and that is all that matters. You are a fabulous mummy!!!!!
:higgies: Also they can pick up on your stress, so if you're feeling stressed & anxious when you feed her she may be picking up on this which could be why she's fussy and refusing food. I know if I'm stressed Anna definitely doesn't eat very well - the other day I was getting really stressed with her over breakfast and almost shouted 'just eat it will you' at her and she refused to have another mouthful :oops: .
It could also be to do with teething, or the cold as you say - both can put babies off eating. What times do you currently give her her meals as well? I also struggle to fit everything in around her sleeping, so her lunch is at 11/11.15 which isn't exactly convenient if I want to go out for lunch, but any later and she's just too tired. I definitely find it helps writing down the times of meals and sleep as it helps to spot a pattern emerging. I think our days really fell into place when I reluctanly accepted that I needed to start the day at 7am - I feed her at 7, or 6.45 if she's woken really early and I'm concerned she might fall back asleep (she never sleeps until 7 btw but that's when I go in to her).
Re. the not sleeping through, I know it's awful having broken nights but I know a lot of babies who are still not sleeping through at Tilly's age or even older. The not sleeping in her cot is more of a challenge but just wondered how soon you put her down to sleep after she's woken up from the previous nap? It's sometimes difficult to hit that 'window' but if you put her down too soon she will fight it, and too late she'll probably be overtired. I think at that age Anna could stay awake about 1hr 45mins - 2hrs although I can't remember properly. Do you put her in a sleeping bag for naps? I found this really, really helped Anna's sleeping.
Not sure if I've managed to give any good advice here, but you are not a crap mother :higgies: . Sometimes they just throw you curve balls when you think you're finally figuring out what's going on.
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