Feeling Inferior?

[Chocolate Lips]

Now I do understand that really people can't make you feel inferior, you do that to yourself, in other words you let them make you feel like to some certain extent.

But I was out with "friends" last night, girls I met through antenatal, and not ones that I am close to, the ones that I am close to couldn't make it but in the interest of being sociable I went along and spent the night listening to them talking about their cleaners, gardeners and ironing ladies and felt a bit inferior that I don't have these.

Totally irrational because a) I don't need them, can manage perfectly well on my own! and b) We could afford it but have no need.

So it is myself making ME feel inferior but I can't quite get my head around why?!

[Fantasseee]

Do you think it could be because yr out of yr work environment, albeit temporarily, and so don't feel entirely confident in yr current role? I know some people gain self esteem from a successful work life, but i am no way implying being a mother is not a job in its own right :doh:

My other thought is perhaps you were a little outnumbered by people who were all concurring with each other which made you feel the odd man out. I can sometimes start doubting myself in scenarios where a lot of people are all reacting in a set way.

[Franny]

I feel a bit like this but I can't afford them but, even if I could, it probably wouldn't occur to me to use them as I'd rather spend the money on other things.

I agree with fants. I often feel a bit different whilst amongst other parents but I suppose we all don't expect to because we have something in common, don't we?

[Mrs B]

I know exactly what you mean Joanna, about making yourself feel inferior even though it probably wasn't intended. I do it all the time, but with hindsight it's normally me imagining things rather than the actuality. Hope that makes sense!

Fwiw, I think you should actually feel superior, as you can cope without those things!


ETA Thinking about it, I had quite a few coffee mornings etc when Sol was little, just getting to know some nct ladies. I thought that I was quiet and nervous for all of them, felt that I didn't contribute, and that I was failing my son. A few months later, they told me they all thought I was very confident and coping really well with being a mum!

[Wisteria]

I think it's a mixture of feeling a bit low in yourself and therefore feeling a bit more sensitive to what others have to say IFSWIM. I know I can be very prone to this at times - I hate the fact I am quite sensitive but have learned to try and take a step back and think "I am doing ok"!
I am one of those who has help (we have a big house and garden) but only because I nearly cracked trying to do it all myself so I genuinely take my hat off to those of you who can manage - I feel inferior for not being able to manage by myself so it just goes to show, you can have an inferiority complex even when you appear to have it all!!

Wisteria
xx

[nattylou]

I also know what you mean. When my (size 8) cousin got married to her totally gorgeous non-smoker hubby, then went on to have a 4 bedroomed, en-suite house, followed by 2 daughters, holidays to dubai and a new car every year, I have to say that i felt a tad inferior, with my (size 16) wedding dress, hubby, who has tattoos and used to smoke, 3 bedroomed mid terrace house, a ds and a dd, holidays in the UK and 1 new car in the 9 years we have been married.

But, I still have "my (size 16) wedding dress, hubby, who has tattoos and used to smoke, 3 bedroomed mid terrace house, a ds and a dd, holidays in the UK and 1 new car in the 9 years we have been married." :smile:

My cousins' husband left her 4 years ago after 5 years of marriage, she has had to sell the house and has had the same car for the last 6 years :shock:

I am slowly learning to be grateful for what you've got. My dh loved me at 18 stone, he loved me at 11 stone and he now loves me in the middle at 15 stone. Ok, sometimes he can be a real pain in the a**e, but hey, I'm not perfect.

Feeling inferior is a total waste of energy that can be put to a much better and more positive use :grin:

[Jelly]

I think that sometimes it's easy to get distracted by what other people think are important, and forget about what's important to us as individuals. Eg: your friends think that these things are important so you might get sucked into this way of thinking, albeit briefly, until you get out of that environment and get a bit of clarity.

[Chocolate Lips]

Hmm its a difficult one. I mean I don't want a cleaner or any home help and like I said I can more than afford it if I did, in fact I kind of think WTF do they need all that help for! But I just feel like I am the poor relation or something and feel like I have to justify WHY I don't need help!

[shining star]

I can identify with what you're saying........I don't think it is that you think you are inferior - you know you're perfectly happy without a cleaner, ironing lady, gardener etc. I think it comes down to not liking the idea that they think you are inferior for not having these things, iyswim?

[Angie]

But I just feel like I am the poor relation or something and feel like I have to justify WHY I don't need help!

Yes but they were probably comparing themselves to you and feeling inferior thinking you're some sort of supermum who can look after a toddler, work and keep the house nice without help!

I agree with SS that maybe you're just paranoid that they may think you/your lifestyle is inferior (I know that I have paranoid tendancies anyway!). I'm sure they don't though unless you know some very snobby people.

[Chocolate Lips]

I can identify with what you're saying........I don't think it is that you think you are inferior - you know you're perfectly happy without a cleaner, ironing lady, gardener etc. I think it comes down to not liking the idea that they think you are inferior for not having these things, iyswim?

:nod: I think you have hit the nail on the head. They are actually a bit like that to be honest, well, they probably don't really look down on me, but they are the type to think they are special because they do have "help".