Irrational worrying - at 33 weeks (sensitive)

[Azana]

I pretty well know this must be tied up with having had a m/c just before this pg but I STILL can't stop worrying a lot.

Stupidly I read a Sunday Times article yesterday about a woman who had 4 m/c's and a still birth at 34 weeks. I keep thinking something like that will happen to me and imagining all kinds of horrid things - I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up with a healthy robust 6 month old...

Now I KNOW that statistically I've got this far and all is more than likely to be ok with bubs, me, the birth and afterwards - but I'm worried that I'm going to be a nervous wreck for the next few weeks and when the baby does come that something will happen to her.

I know it is a bit normal to feel a LITTLE like this but I think I am too obsessed and could see it making me ill if I don't stop. I can't talk to my HV as she is USELESS - she is the one who told me when I was pg again after my m/c that it was "good" that I didn't have too small an age gap :doh: :doh: - as for Midwives I never see the same one twice, and if I do am normally with DD.

Sorry for epic post - any ideas of what I could do? Perhaps this should be in mental health - I don't know.

Az

[Annie Goolahey]

Could you see your GP?
I was lucky in that my antenatal care was GP led and my GP was very on the ball about my mental health.

Make an appointment and get along to talk to a sympathetic doctor. All it might take is somehow helping you to rationalise your fears.

I was *obsessed* with the notion something would happen to J after he was born. All my close friends lost their first pregnancy and I felt it was my turn for something to go wrong. It did affect me greatly and I needed help and support.

Hope you get it.

[sparkliness]

Hi Azana,

I know it's easy to say, but I think you just have to to try and find persepctive.

My two friends with Molly age girls, both have had major problems - one had a 5 failed pregnancies before going to term, the other 4 then her little girl and has had two m/c's since. These things do happen to some people, and the ones who sail through don't make the Sunday Times.

I know that for you having had a m/c must make it feel all the more possible that something might go wrong now, but I don't think it is.

It's hard to know what to suggest to stop you focussing on the could-be, but for a me a cry and confess to DH helps. Does he know how much it's getting to you? A few weeks ago I went through a stage of starting every sentence to Dh with 'I'm really worried that...', and just by saying it out loud to someone rational but understanding did help.

I have to say I pretty much avoid all pregnancy related stuff in the press, because let's face it, when is there ever anything positive?

I really hope that this is something which you can conquer, you have Ella as living proof that things CAN go well, and I think you just have to try to look at all the stuff in your favour.

Take care,

Sparkliness xx :hug:

[Azana]

That is probably a good idea - my GP IS great - but might be difficult to go without DD until Mat leave - sigh - thanks for being so open and helpful about feeling the same way - that helps.

A x

ETA Sparkliness X posted with you - thanks for your reply too - I can offload on OH a bit but it is hard because he probably feels a bit the same too - we are both big worriers in general. I'm trying to get a sense of perspective but I just don't think I can at all

[katkinn]

hon if you can get an appt on Wed with your GP, I'm at Minky's that day and I know that we'd definitely have E in the PM (or drop her at TLC in the morning)

[lewpylew]

Oh darling,

Nobody is going to take your little girl away from you. She will be in your arms before you know it.

I wish newspapers would not print stories like that. Do they not realise the damage it causes people....grrrrrr :angry:

I think your GP would be good to go and see. See if you can get an appt tomorrow and I can mind Ella?!

Pregnancy hormones have a lot to answer for!

Sorry for quick reply - Holly is stirring

Lewps xx

[Azana]

Think I am going to go to the walk in at GP's at 8:30 on Weds -so will have E with me - but need a check up anyway - but looks like I will be seeing both of you lovely ladies over the next 2 days so perhaps you can kick some sense into me.

Lewpy looking forward to seeing you tomorrow - oh and I WILL have a car, and Kat think will see you Weds as I think we are popping over post nap time.

Az

[sparkliness]

"I'm trying to get a sense of perspective but I just don't think I can at all"

Really sorry, that sounded a bit flippant.

I really hope that your GP can be of some use.

Thinking of you,

Sparkliness xx

[Minky]

Oh hun, I can really understand where you are coming from :higgies:.

But you must try not to worry. Easier said than done I know.

I too read that article, and really, those circumstances were extraordinary, and bear NO relation to your circumstances AT ALL! (ya hear me?).

Do come over on Wednesday pm. I'm having a wee tea party and there'll be lots of bubbas there (tea for bubbas provided) and a wee glass of wine for mummies (just as a calming measure :wink: ).

We will of course take Ella if needs be. We are going to TLC at 10 if you want to join us?

Lots of love

Minky xx
PS still up for GBK one day next week? Thursday?

[Azana]

Thanks you guys you have made me :cry: and :smile: at the same time.

Minky yep more chips needed.
I am having a toddler free rest day on Thursday so maybe that will do me good if my fecking neighbour can shut up and I can get some quiet time - maybe bond with my sadly neglected due to busy life bump...

Thanks again for listening and being there and not thinking I am completely losing it - in lots of ways I DO know I am lucky and that I should be the happy ending story in theory - just need to quieten that little nagging everything is doomed voice in my head.

Az

[*kate*]

I too read that article Az, and possibly it's making you feel more worried as it (for me) completely summed up my feelings about my own miscarriage - she described exactly the feelings I myself had had. So perhaps it's worried you a little more as it was so true - in terms of feelings. Her situation was unique, and as someone said, that's why it made the papers.

It's natural to worry about your baby, and that worry is exacerbated when there's been problems in a previous pregnancy. I know that I worried (irrationally) about losing my baby, and envisaged all sorts of awful scenarios. I just couldn't relax properly until she was in my arms, even though I knew, in the logical part of my head, that there was no real reason why something should go wrong. But it still didn't stop me from poking my tummy all the time to make Josephine move.

I'm not sure that there is a way to stop the "nagging voice" - just recognise the feelings and perhaps not bottle them up, as this can make things worse. If it helps, then talk to people about it, (perhaps not DH if he's a worrier though) like the GP. Every time you have a negative, worrying thought, counter that with a positive thought about your baby.

I'm sorry not to be able to help more, but I wanted to let you know that it's normal to feel like this and that I understand completely how you feel.

kx

[Honey Dew]

Oh Az!!

Only just seen this thread & wanted to send you big :higgies:
I must have had my miscarriage around the same time as you, I was 14 wks. Have been stressing out so badly this time. Even getting past the 16 wk mark didn't help as I have a really close friend who had a still birth at 36 wks.

I go through down periods where nothing anyone can say makes me feel better.

I think it is natural to feel like this, especially after a bad experience, but, & I don't mean to sound flippant, because I'm in exactly the same situation. You are doing everything you can, Your baby (& mine!) will be fine. In no time at all, you & I will be posting our birth announcements & then having proud mummy moments! All this worry will seem a dim & distant memory.

I really hope I haven't said the wrong thing, just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you, that you're not the only one who is thinking like this. Was talking to my CPN the other day about my fears & she said that it is perfectly normal to feel like this.

Kids - they really put us through it don;t they??! 9 Months of worry & then they come out & it gets worse!!:faint: