Sometimes I just don't think I can cope

[DKNI]

Dylan is going thru his terrible twos at the minute and he is whiney, clingy, cries a lot, rude, cheeky and has me almost tearing my hair out on a daily basis.

He is a nightmare to get to bed at night and usually wakes up 2 or 3 times in the evening screaming and then again at night (tho no tears)

Everthing I have he wants even if its exactly the same thing he has. He sits on my knee when I am eating and generally just climbs all over me constantly.

I can't even go to the toilet in peace. I never have time to myself and then on top of all this I have to look after Kane as well.

I want to get moved in this weekend but I had a fight with my dad as he thought I was asking too much but it was my parents who suggested moving this weekend.

My mum drives me insane as she is supposed to look after the kids and she sits and texts the whole time or chats on msn. I end up (like today trying to do everything for the kids and get decorating done)

But the biggest thing is that W is here this weekend and I am just waiting to be judged on everything again and be told I am not doing it right or if I had more patience with Dylan he wouldn't have tantrums etc.

I just want to scream FECK OFF to everyone but I need their help so I can't.

I just need some time to myself and i know I am going to be totally on my own soon and I am so scared.
Sometimes I just really want to smack Dylan so hard or push him away as I am sick of being smacked or kicked or whatever else. It scares me that I could even entertain hurting my child and then I feel guilty over the mere thought of it. Ooh he is crying again better go.

Sorry to be so self indulgent just ignore me

[elliesha]

:hug: Awwww i hope it picks up soon, and everything settles down

[Miss Frosty]

:hug:

Firstly being on your own with two little ones is bloody hard work and I know as my DH goes away to work for 4 weeks at a time, and I have no family etc nearby to lend a helping hand.

I am sure that all mummies have days when they could smack etc their children through tiredness / frustratione etc, but you are doing a fab job. On your own trying to get a home ready for the three of you.

Try to concentrate on all the positives right now, and stop being so hard on yourself. Dylan is just responding to how you are feeling, it is amazing how they all know just how to push your buttons.

Chin up, and I am soooo looking forward to your house piccies to see all the hard work you have put in :kiss:

MF

x

[Pikeypants]

Just what I was going to say Miss F!

I think you need to get into your house asap, never mind your Dad wingeing about it! Make sure W has the kids loads on his own so he remembers what it is like & you can get what you need done. I am sure D will serttle sown abit once you are all in your own home. He will still have his moments but you will hopefully be in a happier state of mind to cope with it.

Don't beat yourself up about wanting to beat the living daylights out of the little darling :teehee: Wanting & doing are 2 very different things honey. :higgies:

[Frogslie]

Sometimes I just really want to smack Dylan so hard or push him away as I am sick of being smacked or kicked or whatever else. It scares me that I could even entertain hurting my child and then I feel guilty over the mere thought of it. Ooh he is crying again better go.


Babe - I have felt the same and still do sometimes - Ira is 3 now but has always been a clingon and a vicious psycho - and I am not alone like you. I used to live apart from OH in the week due to work and the kids drove me to distraction... I ADMIRE you so so much for coping alone and being so strong.

IT IS PERFECTLY NORMAL to want to smash your own child's head into a wall at times - that or we're both on the NSPCC hitlist... I'm not being flippant, I seriously feel like this at times but it's the fact that we DON'T hurt our kids that makes us GOOD MUMMIES and the other thoughts just make us HUMAN.

Can't you send the kids out for a day with your mum so you can sort your house out?

Take care, stop beating yourself up, you are a star:grin:

[emgem]

Andie hun you can cope, you are coping and you are doing a fab job.

I am not surprised you are bloody frustrated when your mum is supposed to be looking after your boys but isn't and your Dad is really not helping.

Moving into your own home again will probably make a world of difference to how you are feeling and even how Dylan is behaving.

You will be settled in your own home and you can all do as you please. It is never easy living with someone else even if they are your parents.

And I know you are on edge about what W will say but he can poke it as he sadly has no clue what is involved in looking after a toddler and a baby all day long. Can you not suggest that he takes them both days at the weekend so you can get things done in your house?

Hugs to you hun, I know it must be so so hard but you really are doing a fab job.

And if it makes you feel any better Sophie sounds just like Dylan and this morning nearly tipped me over the edge :oops:, I couldn't wait to drop her at nursery this morning :oops:

Take care :hug:

[DKNI]

Thank you ladies,

Frogslie you made me laugh out loud, I nearly spat my chocolate all over the screen.

He woke up again and was crying about not wanting to be in bed. I could hold it no longer and stomped off in a bad mood and well he apparently fell asleep again as that was half hour ago.

W would be happy if I buggered off for the whole weekend and left him to it so he could play super dad but I don't want to leave him alone in my house for too long as he wil only snoop (I will when I go to his place this summer :lol: )

Kane is not so much clingy but prefers it if he can see me and will get upset if I leave him for too long.

I would just really like to punch something or someone right now as I have been having a bit of a panicy feeling the last 2 days but it could be AF coming as well.

Its just all the anger and frustration at the minute and people giving opinions on what I need to do with the kids/house/life/divorce etc that is doing my head in.

FFS my granda was moaning at me to cut the grass at the house. That really is the last thing on my mind right now I will get to it when everything else has been sorted. Plus I have no idea HOW to do the garden. I don't do gardens or windows so I am buggered :lol:

[Frogslie]

I would just really like to punch something or someone right now as I have been having a bit of a panicy feeling the last 2 days but it could be AF coming as well.

Its just all the anger and frustration at the minute and people giving opinions on what I need to do with the kids/house/life/divorce etc that is doing my head in.



Smack your mum then LOL!!! Love ya hunxxx

[DKNI]

Smack your mum then LOL!!! Love ya hunxxx

Oh god no she would beat the crap out of me, She is smaller than me and 50 but jeez she is bloody strong and fast.

Would never stand a chance. Better odds picking a fight with W at least our strength would be matched :lol:

[So Happy]

Oh hun first of all have one of these :hug:

You have been though so much lately and I know for one I would not of coped as good as what you have. You've got your problems but you've always been here for me and other people.

I really think you need some Andie time, is there anyone that can have Dylan maybe not in the next few days but in a months time so you can plan a lovely day doing something just for you.

As for W coming over I know it will be hard but the sooner he is here the quicker he leaves. And if its too stressful when he's here get one of those dolls that you stab and every time he piss you off go and stab the doll. OK you may have to buy a full life size Doll but we can all guess how many times you have stabbed it

[Jelly]

:higgies: and lots of sympathy and a bit more :choc: incase frogslie posts again :lol:

What's the name of the place where you can get some help? I think that Noo Noo said she had some help when her two were younger (sorry if it wasn't you, Noo Noo) and some other Damsels have posted about this before. I am sorry to be so vague but it's basically a volunteer you get paired up with and they come and help you out now and then so you can get some time to yourself, or time to spend with each child individually... I need :mug: and then I may remember the name!

[One Sock]

Some very good advice there Andie, so I can only second it. As for coping - you are (brilliantly from what I can tell) and you can and you will. Keep strong. :higgies:

[Starlight]

Really quick post Andie as R is whinging on my knee and its hard to post with one hand.

I think Surestart have volunteers who can help out and give you a few minutes peace and quiet. I think you have to be in a designated area. I'm not sure where your local one is but there is one near the 'Arches' iykwim.

I think you are coping really well and a great mummy and we all get to the end of our tether at times - most days if truth be told. While I'm always moaning about wanting to leave work - at times it can be a blessing in disguise to get a break and I also think its good for R as I can't always be entertaining her and I think she gets bored with me :oops: and you know what they're like when they're bored :hissyfit: .

Things will hopefully be better when you are settled in your new home. Its bound to be unsettling for the boys (and you). I don't see why you have to disappear when W appears - it's your home and they are your children, tough if he doesn't like it. If it was me I'd make him stay in a B&B :bwahaha: .

I really hope you start to feel better soon. If I can do anything to help let me know :higgies:

[Princess Fiona]

I've no sound advice to offer Andie but would ecco what the others have said, i'm sure that once you're all moved in and settled in your new home things will get better. D is probably picking up on your insecurities and your frustration at having to do everything yourself and is playing on it.

As for W, feck him, YOU'RE looking after the kids, do it YOUR way :angry:

Big :higgies: hun!

[Pancake01]

It is Homestart which give you a volunteer to help with kids. It is a charity and your HV should be able to give you the details. I had one, who came swimming with us once a week. It was something I really wanted to do with Maisie, but was too scared to do on my own.

They are brilliant and worth trying out.

[SnaffleFox]

I've no sound advice to offer Andie but would ecco what the others have said, i'm sure that once you're all moved in and settled in your new home things will get better. D is probably picking up on your insecurities and your frustration at having to do everything yourself and is playing on it.

As for W, feck him, YOU'RE looking after the kids, do it YOUR way :angry:

Big :higgies: hun!

WSS lots of :higgies: to you hon and I hope that things get better v soon xx

[DKNI]

Thanks ladies, I am still feeling abit delicate this morning like everything is just too much and i do think its mostly because he is coming this weekend. I still miss the guy who was my best friend and it still hurts that he really doesn't even like me anymore.

I try to tell him funny stories about the kids but he just sounds bored, but yet he is planning to be supernanny this weekend and 'sort' Dylan out.

Most of the time I am happy but there are times when I want to share things with someone or even have a cuddle and well there is no onw there.

There is a group around here that you can join and they will look after the kids for a few hours but its not really my thing.

SNOB ALERT SNOB ALERT :lol: The first time I went the woman altho seemed really nice they were making jokes about the UDA and stuff and that is sooooo not my thing. They also had a lovely array of paramilitary style slogans tattooed on to various body parts.

Don;t judge a book and all but well its a shock to the system for me.

I will be ok in a few days when W has gone back home again and I only have to think about him coming over for a WEEK in May.

Thank god for the possibility of a mini meet in Belfast

[Matilde]

I totally agree with what the others have said, specially Frogslie. I think 2 year olds have an amazing capacity to sniff your stress and reward you with their worst behaviour.

If your exhusband is going to visit you and dare to criticise the way you are coping I would wallop him behind the ears if I were you (or suddenly be terribly busy at a friends house or something). It's so unfair.

Be strong sweetie, it's not easy, but you are coping so well..and if you can drop the kids with someone, do and dont feel guilty. I think that people from the outside tend to ignore the fact that if they see you overreacting to something minor it's normally because you are at the end of your tether, and that something minor is just one kick in the face when you are changing a nappy too many.

Good luck and moan
as much as you need to here!