FFS I GIVE UP WITH HIM........

[ChelseaHarvey]

:angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: :no: :no: :no: :no: :no: :no: :no: :no: :no: :no: :no:

ALTHOUGH THESE SMILIES COME NOTHING CLOSE TO HOW I AM FEELING

We were meant to have gone out for this bike ride we had planned to do, but as soon as we get on the motorway alfie kicks off..

Hands out his carseat & it esculates from there, battling to strap him in all the time, stopping & having to sort him out.

NO MATTER HOW TIGHT YOU STRAP HIM IN - HE GETS HIS ARMS OUT unclipping his carseat & trying to get out :angry: 1/2 way down the motorway we turn round and come back, as he doesnt deserve to go out for a nice day with him behaving how he is.

A 30 mins drive takes us 50 mins & that whole 50 mins he is screaming at the top of his voice, getting out his seat - im fuming at this point, dean had to get in the back & hold him in & hold the straps so he cant get his hands out, unclip his belt or do anything....

a 50 min tanturm & he did not stop once, i have NEVER seen him like he was, & he was banging his head either side of his carseat......

Almost at home he reduces me to tears with how he is being....

I am so fecked off with him with him being a sh!te all the time, we can never do anything with him as he just kicks off, its like a ratio of 80/20 the 80 being when he is bad.. He always ruins everything :angry:

I am so so close now to comming to smack him when he really misbehaves like he was just now, nothing else is working, although the bedroom is when he has been bad & were at home, although he comes straight back out with tantrums but does calm down & apolgises. After many eposides of screaming at the top of the stairs & slamming his bedroom door

He is not impressed that we didnt go on the bikes, this made him worse i think when we turnt around & said were going home.

He is now in his bedroom it is quiet so i think he has gone to sleep but i just dont know how to deal with his whole car seat thing & him.... You just cant keep him in there.

[chuckle_monster]

Oh CH, I have no experience of dealing with this but hopefully someone will come along with some useful advice soon. Just wanted to give you a :higgies: and say I'm sorry that your lovely plans didn't work out today. xxx

[Muppetgal]

we had issues with Logan in his car seat for awhile too. I basically used to just stop the car (pull over obviously!) and tell him we weren't moving until he sat in his chair properly and kept the seatbelt on. After three strikes we went home, so I think you did the right thing by turning around.

How big is Alfie? Will he be big enough to move to the next size up carseat with the booster chair and back support? It has more to do with weight and height than age, so perhaps look into it? When we moved Logan to that he was MUCH better, I think it was the constriction of the other seat that was making him uncomfortable. Now he has the proper seatbelt across him so is more comfy, and can lean forwards if he needs to.

Just be consistent hun, if he's acting up MORE now it means you are close to winning!! :wink:

[ChelseaHarvey]

MG we are going to go & lok today at the next stage carseat

I do think he doesnt like his seat as its a MAXICOSY one and it tilts, so he isnt completley upright..

He is 2.5 not sure on his height & weight but he is a big boy for his age and looks more like 3.5 & to me i reckon he is about 3 stone :faint:

[Chocolate Lips]

Have you seen those clips you can get to go over the carseat buckle so that they can't open them? I am not sure where you can get them from, they have been mentioned on here before so someone else might know, but it might be worth looking into.

For what it is worth, I would have done exactly the same as you and turned around and come home.

[Tekkencat]

have you tried keeping a diary of Alfies behaviour (good tip from another damsel!)

note what triggers the tantrums how hes feeling at the time and how you are feeling/what you are doing sort of thing - It may show that there is a pattern ??

worth a go i suppose - i agree with CL about the straps - not sure of the name of them

[redhed]

Like this (http://www.thebabycatalogue.com/prodinfo.asp?number=K0306)but maybe he could undo that one - they do make more cunning ones.

If you absolutely, definitely, have to restrain him, there are Special Needs harnesses, but they're a bit of a pain to operate.

[Muppetgal]

MG we are going to go & lok today at the next stage carseat

I do think he doesnt like his seat as its a MAXICOSY one and it tilts, so he isnt completley upright..

He is 2.5 not sure on his height & weight but he is a big boy for his age and looks more like 3.5 & to me i reckon he is about 3 stone :faint:

good luck with that, make sure to weigh him and try to get a guess at his height too as the people that sell these seats aren't always right. My MIL bought a booster seat (just the bottom bit though!) for her two grandkids and neither of them were big enough...cue many a fight between me and her as I wouldn't allow Logan to go into it!

We bought this one from Mothercare for Logan...it has cupholders too which are tres cool :cool2:
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000ILGL0E.02-

oh and fwiw, Logan can very easily undo the seatbelt on this one but never has. I think it was the feeling of being unable to get out if needed that was upsetting him before, and now that he knows he CAN do it he doesn't. (if that makes sense)

[ChelseaHarvey]

Have you seen those clips you can get to go over the carseat buckle so that they can't open them?

But that doesnt stop him from not being able to get his hands out of the straps though

[Muppetgal]

wierd the pic won't show up...it was a Graco sporty one in red and black. hmmmmm...:scratchchin:

[ChelseaHarvey]

Like this (http://www.thebabycatalogue.com/prodinfo.asp?number=K0306)but maybe he could undo that one - they do make more cunning ones.


Yes he would def figure that out after a few goes off seeing me un-clipping it.

[Chocolate Lips]

But that doesnt stop him from not being able to get his hands out of the straps though

No but it would stop him being physically able to undo the straps and get out of the carseat, which would be a lot safer.

[ChelseaHarvey]

make sure to weigh him and try to get a guess at his height too as the people that sell these seats aren't always right.

We bought this one from Mothercare for Logan...it has cupholders too which are tres cool :cool2:
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000ILGL0E.02-

oh and fwiw, Logan can very easily undo the seatbelt on this one but never has. I think it was the feeling of being unable to get out if needed that was upsetting him before, and now that he knows he CAN do it he doesn't. (if that makes sense)

Il have to take him to boots as i dont have scales to weigh him, il get a tape measure & measure his height.

Yes i cant see the pic either... But that was what i was after something with a cup holder for him.

As soon as we pull up anywhere he just unclips his seatbelt straight away & jumps out, im sure he will be the same with the next seat as well :no:

[Chocolate Lips]

Here is another type

http://www.babyandkids.co.uk/products/hugit.asp

[Muppetgal]

as another Houdini child parent I have to say that strap would have done nothing for Logan either, he would have figured it out, and in fact, was learning to undo the bottom buckle on his car seat just before we moved him. So unless I'd duck taped his hands down there was no way of keeping him in that seat.

Hopefully he'll be big enough for the bigger seat and that it's a control thing with him (like it was with Logan). Once the seat is more comfy and he feels a bit more free then perhaps he'll calm down (fingers crossed for you!)

[ChelseaHarvey]

Here is another type

http://www.babyandkids.co.uk/products/hugit.asp

This is what it says about that & this would worry me i think id rather a clip

The UK and EU do not support harness clips because they can delay release of the child in an emergency, for example if the straps are twisted or the clip is jammed too high on the harness. Hug-it is not a clip.

Im just going to get him a new seat i think. If he is big/heavier enough...

[Muppetgal]

ps when he does undo the seat/takes his arms out, what are you saying to him? The first few times in Logan's new chair he undid the seatbelt/moved his arm out of the strap.

I made it very clear that what he was doing was DANGEROUS, I pulled over and stopped immediately and made him tell me that what he did was dangerous too, so I knew he understood.

When I was just saying "NO Logan, put your arms back in" that did nothing for him...it was a game to make me shout. ONce he understood that it wasn't a game, I wasn't going to shout and he could get hurt then he stopped doing it. They are SO much smarter than we give them credit for!!

[goldilocks]

In my experience they can be even worse with a diagonal belt rather than a 5 point harness as its even easier to escape from. May be worth bearing that in mind when looking for a new seat.

Does he have anything in the car to distract him? If not I would make sure he has some toys, or listen to a story cd,play I spy or something. He's more likely to try to escape if he's bored. How about one of you sitting in the back with him and keeping him entertained? It sounds to me like he is craving attention and by kicking off he's getting it. Give him lots of positive attention and the behaviour will improve I'm sure.

Keeping a behaviour diary would help too.Record what happened before the event,the behaviour,what happened after and how you and he reacted.You will probably see a pattern and identify triggers.

Also, I know it makes you :angry: but try not to show it too much.Be firm,and deal with the behaviour, but dont turn it into a screaming match as he knows he's won if you do that. By being consistant and ensuring he knows that turning round and going home is the consequence he will soon get the message.

I've got some info on helping children be good on my pc somewhere. If you want me to I'll dig it out for you later.

Sorry you missed your bike ride :hug: . Hope you can salvage something out of the weekend and still have some fun together.

[ChelseaHarvey]

I made it very clear that what he was doing was DANGEROUS, I pulled over and stopped immediately and made him tell me that what he did was dangerous too, so I knew he understood.


Yes this is what i have been doing & for ages as well

[ChelseaHarvey]

Does he have anything in the car to distract him? If not I would make sure he has some toys, or listen to a story cd,play I spy or something. He's more likely to try to escape if he's bored. How about one of you sitting in the back with him and keeping him entertained? It sounds to me like he is craving attention and by kicking off he's getting it. Give him lots of positive attention and the behaviour will improve I'm sure.

I've got some info on helping children be good on my pc somewhere. If you want me to I'll dig it out for you later.
.

Yes he does, on long journey he has his tv in the headrest and dvds, he has books his fav bear but he just throws them and isnt intrested, once the arms come out thats it were battling for ages, even food doesnt work

That would be great thanks :thumb: if its not to much trouble

[*Fallen Angel*]

Jess gets her arms out of her harness too but only when she's not got her coat on. You have my sympathies CH. Somehow, it doesn't matter how tight you pull it, she still does it.

[MsNat]

How about something like this tray CH ?

http://www.bloomingmarvellous.co.uk/product.aspx?CategoryID=n_in_the_car&ProductID=7748&language=en-GB

It will act as a sort of restraint and he could do some colouring in / playing on it as well. Looking at it from Alfie's point of view, it must be fairly boring sitting down in a seat for so long. Maybe distracting him and giving him something different to do could help.

Sorry you missed out on your day out :higgies: .

[ChelseaHarvey]

MsNat it isnt just on long journeys it can be a drive to town, sometimes his arms are out at the bottom of our road

[goldilocks]

Here you go CH.Not sure where I got it from. I think another childminder sent it to me :puzzled:

Hope it helps!




HELPING YOUR CHILD TO BE GOOD

Ways To Set Limits

The goal for setting limits is to give as much responsibility as possible to the child.
One contrast between rules and limits is that rules require the adult to take most of
the responsibility. The adult must make the rules, enforce the rules, and apply some
kind of punishment.

Limits, however, require the child to accept responsibility for her own behavior and
limits never require punishment. This is why limits contribute to the normal
development of the child's independence.

With that in mind, the 5 ways to set limits with your child are interchangeable so you can choose the methods that best suits each situation and each child.

THE I-MESSAGE: this is the most desirable way to set limits because you express your feelings as a problem.
The child is expected to respond in a positive way.
There are 3 parts to an I-Message: your feelings, what's happening, and the reason why you are concerned. For example:

"It scares me (your feelings) when I see you climbing on the table (what's happening)

because it's not strong and you could get hurt." (the reason)

Or, “I can't read the story with so much noise (the reason) (what's happening)
and I feel frustrated." (your feelings)


We set limits to:

1. Assure the safety of each child and adult
2. Prohibit the destruction of materials and equipment
3. Assure that kids take responsibility for their actions
4. Assure equal and respectful treatment of all people

GIVING INFORMATION:When you give information, use an informative tone of voice without scolding or threatening, then allow the child to react. If the child ignores you, try a firmer voice or give more information.

"It's time to get ready for lunch." (wait for response)

"The toys get put away. (wait for response) I can't take you to lunch until the toys
are put away." (Follow through firmly)

NATURAL or LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES: These are an outgrowth of the child's behavior and the consequences must follow the behavior immediately. A consequence should never be a punishment or a message that says 'I told you so'!

"Looks like your milk spilled; here's the sponge."

"When children throw their toys, they pick them up."

"If you kick me, I have to put you down on the floor."

USING CONTINGENCIES:This is when a second action depends on a first action being performed. A contingency usually begins with the word when. This statement tells the child what you expect and what will happen when he complies.

"When your puzzle is put away, you may play with another toy."

"When you've finished screaming, you may come back into this room."

"When your shoes are on, you'll be ready to go outside."

MAKING CHOICES: These work especially well with children who are strong willed and in need of a great deal of control. Giving choices eliminates power struggles and "NO" answers.

"You may wear the yellow boots or the blue ones" (but you must wear boots when it
rains)

"You may walk to get your nappy changed or I can carry you" (but your nappy gets
changed.)

"You may play quietly indoors or go out and be noisy."


THE 'LAST RESORT' METHOD:When you try everything and the child continues to harass (purposely tease, hurt, destroy) remove the child from the situation, have him sit apart until he's ready to play without harassing and let him decide when to return.
If he repeats the behavior tell him, "You thought you were ready, but you're not, so you'll need to sit some more." This is not time out because the child is always in control.

[ChelseaHarvey]

Thanks Goldie i shall have a proper read of it in a mo :kiss:

[goldilocks]

No problem hun :grin:

[Franny]

I remember R going through a phase of doing this but has been good in the car ever since I went completely psycho at her when stressed out in a 3 mile traffic jam. Not in the parenting manuals, I know, but I expect you've probably lost it with him already as I know I would have done. Hope the phase passes soon!

[ChelseaHarvey]

Yes Franny a number of times :oops: