It gets even more complicated...

[Jamtart]

my ex has been in touch saying he wants to meet to talk! :faint: I asked him what about... he said "baby... me... u... etc" he wants to meet next weekend... :shock:

what shall I do? I told him it will be too hard for me, but what if he is regretting everything and changing his mind about the baby?

He asked for some 'bump' pics of me (I had one on my MSN display pic) and I sent it him, he said I looked nice...

Oh why the f*ck is this happening now????:brainache: :brainache:

[Damsella]

Do you still have feelings for him?

You know you probably can't rely on him to stick around if he says he does want to get back with you, or have something to do with the baby.

But taking your baby's needs into consideration, maybe you should at least try and maintain friendly contact. The problem will be if you are still keen on him and he starts messing with your head and your heart.

[Valentine]

AAAAAGGGGHHHHH! i had a big reply for you and Connor wiped it! :cry: Anyway the jist was my friend had this same situation ang got back with her ex... he hadnt changed and messed her around, hurt her and has only seen his 14 month old daughter 4 times. AND paid no maintanace. I think you would be better off without him although i think its best to be on speaking terms.

He probably does regret what he has done but he did it and you have been through dealing with it... dont let him mess all that you have done up!:higgies:

[Fantasseee]

I too would suggest caution. 21 is awfully young to settle down and have children, i just don't think he has the emotional maturity to support you and i suspect he would mess you around and generally make you feel crap in the long run.

In another post you intermated he had other children? If so then maybe look at his relationship with this other child and its mother, is he a good dad, is he respectful to his ex? I always think its a good benchmark to judge how he may choose to treat you in the future.

[Valentine]

Fanatasseee i agree with what you said apart from this bit...


21 is awfully young to settle down and have children, i just don't think he has the emotional maturity

I was just turned 21 when i had C and Mr.N was 22.

[Fantasseee]

Fanatasseee i agree with what you said apart from this bit...



I was just turned 21 when i had C and Mr.N was 22.

There are always exceptions but IMO 21 is no age at all.

[spritzer]

I would see him, but go cautiously! Don't rush into deciding anything. He may well have calmed down about it all and realised that he does want to be part of your lives but he has hurt you badly and he needs to deal with this - whether you have a future together or not. Otherwise it will always be a shadow over you.

If you end up totally seperate then you will need to make things right over the baby and if he doesn't apologise for hurting you and try and make things right with you then that could impact on your relationship with the baby.

If you end up giving it another go, then he needs to do some serious making up to you (and Kenidee) before you have the baby so you can start your new lives together with a clean slate.

He is very young and he almost certainly needs time to get his head around what is happening. However, to end up with 2 kids by the time he's 21 without being in a stable relationship with either girl and without proper contact with his children does indicate that he has a LOT of growing up to do and you have to decide whether you are able to allow him the time and space to do it.

The words may come out of his mouth but his actions will be what proves his intentions.

[Loukes]

hey L

emailed you this morning - Sorry couldnt reply in time last nite was picking D up from work so was a good girl and had both hands on wheel!!!

As I said in my text I think it would be good for you to meet up as at moment if you "argue" you sign off MSN or would hang up. BUT - if you go, go with the intention that you are sorting this out in relation to the baby.to talk about the baby and your relationship in terms of the baby - not in terms of you two - not yet as IMO I dont think it would help either of you.........I am hoping he is thinking of the baby now and realising that you are giving him the opportunity to be involved with his baby, unlike his ex.......

Anyway - that my opinion on it all.

Speak later chick

xxxxxx

[Pancake01]

Agree with everyone else - you should meet with him to talk about his involvement with the baby, but anything else (ie a relationship between the two of you) should go VERY slowly. If he does want a relationship with you he is going to have to start from the beginning again - and to grow up, as everyone else has said.

I hope it goes well and that you can come to a good solution for you and the baby. Good luck!

[Jamtart]

Thanks girls!

I'm not sure if I want to meet him, I don't know if it will be too hard! I don't want him back but I do want him to be part of the childs life.
He does have another child, they were young when they had him and split when he was a year old. Then he met me! He does see his son now, his ex stopped him seeing him and it really messed him up... he was devastated at not seeing his son... I was the one that wsa there for him and his shoulder to cry on! He is a good dad, he sees his son more now as hes not with me, she lets him. When she found out I was pregnant she told him if we had this baby he would never see his son again, a week later he had left!

If I do meet him, it will be to talk about the baby, not us! I'm not sure I can or want to get back with him. I still have feelings for him but he hurt me so much, I never want to go through that again!

[tekkencat]

Oh Jt agghhhhhh :hissyfit: on your behalf - You dont need me to say it (but I will anyhoo) Please dont let your heart rule your head (just remember you are FULL of pg hormones !!!!)

You know how i feel about a childs right to a relationship with both parents (no matter how we feel) HOWEVER Tread carefully and do not let this child of a man ruin your dreams !! Be in control be positive (lots of Be's NO I WILL TRYS!!)

I'm always lurking if you need me

[Petrus]

[QUOTE=Fantasseee]I too would suggest caution. 21 is awfully young to settle down and have children, i just don't think he has the emotional maturity to support you and i suspect he would mess you around and generally make you feel crap in the long run.QUOTE]

21 is too young to settle down??? Joshuas dad is almost 40 and he's exactly the same :scratchchin: maybe some never grow up.:lol: :lol:

If you meet him, your feelings will overrule what your head is telling you to do, i should know, he still has some kinda magical hold over me even now???

Do what you want to do, nobody can tell you how and what your feeling and love is VERY blind! Just be careful some men are emotional f*ckwits (bridget jones style) and i truly believe get a kick outta hurting women :no: Good Luck honey x

[Jamtart]

I think I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt and meet him!
I guess I need to know once and for all where I stand and what hes going to do about the baby!
If I can get it over with now, and it looks like there is no chance he will change or be involved, it will save more heartache later on. I think I need closure and the sooner I get it the better!

[Mad Madam Mim]

The words may come out of his mouth but his actions will be what proves his intentions.

Absolutely agree. My friend is in a similar situation (in fact I have pointed her to this thread in an email) and I keep saying the same thing to her.

He may pay a lot of lip service JT but watch what he DOES to prove himself to you. Also agree wholeheartedly with Damz - at least it will mean you improve your relationship for the baby coming and as you say closure will be good for you.

Good luck with seeing him.

[Julesb]

Actions speak louder than words and although he might have a right to be in the childs life, he sure as hell doesn't have the right to keep playing with your head!.

I hope it goes well for you.x

[Jamtart]

I have emailed him suggesting a time to meet so I guess its up to him. He has already said he will come to me, so thats saying something as he wouldn't spend the money on petrol if he didnt really want to sort anything out!
I am going to go with the intention of sorting out the baby and nothing else. I will say I want us to be on friendly terms for the babtys sake but nothing else (for now anyway)
I know what you mean by what he says and his actions... I guess I will never know tho till baby comes as even if he does say he will do 'this and that', I will have to take his word until baby arrives!

[tekkencat]

Good on you - you sound in control

[Jamtart]

Good on you - you sound in control

I wish I was TC!!! My head is spinning...
I will go with all intentions of being strong and I bet I fall apart as soon as I see him... this is why I was so unsure of meeting him... I havent seen him since he left for good at the beginning of Feb as he lives 100 miles away from me!

[Petrus]

I was the same with Joshuas dad, i didn't speak to him at all for the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy, when joshua was here he was there like a shot so things can be good but don't get your hopes up

[Jamtart]

I'm not going to get my hopes up Shelly... I dont think I will ever trust him again... I just need to know what he has to say.
I need to move on one way or another and know if he is going to be in my future or not! The sooner I can get this out the way the sooner I can start to get on with my life! I think this will be the best thing for me one way or another... it will be really hard but once its over with, I will be able to move on and never look back wondering why or what if!