Can a relationship survive an affair?

[AngieBaby]

Just a bit of banter.

I'm wondering if you think a relationship can survive an affair. Is it something you feel is forgivable in time or do you think it would be too difficult to trust again? If you think you can get past it, do you think there's a difference between surviving a drunken one night stand and a long term affair and would you forgive one but not the other?

[Jamtart]

My ex cheated on me with his ex after we had been together a few weeks. I took him back but it was always at the back of my mind, and I had a problem with him going round there to see his son or picking his son up without me... this wasn't the reason we split up but it did make me insecure and check up on him (read his texts/emails etc :oops: )

I think it can survive a one-night stand but not a long term affair, I guess it all depends on the circumstances. I dont think a relationship will ever be the same again tho as the trust issues will always be there

[She Devil]

i agree a one night stand and the relationship might last but anything more is to serious.

me and simon got engaged 2 months after we met. 1 wk after we got engaged i went out clubbing with some friends and kissed 2 guys (within seconds of each other) i know its not as bad as sleeping with someone but its still cheating,as soon as i had done it i felt terrible and realised i would never do anything to risk our relationship again. he found out a few wks later he read my msn messages to a friend i was out clubbing and he txt me. i was gutted.


on the other hand when me and simon first met he was still with his wife. he had told me they had split up a few months before but they hadnt. they were trying to get back together, they were living together but sleeping in seperate rooms he finished with her as soon as i stopped denying i loved him 6 wks after we met and he moved in with me.

i didnt find any of this out untill just after oour son was born, about 12 months ago now

[catgirl]

Not going into details, but I found out my OH cheated on me at the beginning of our relationship, I only found out a couple of months back but I have forgiven and we are moving on

[Lee Lee]

I guess every situation is different and maybe if it happened i would react differently.

Initial reaction to cheating of ANY kind.... its over !

[Twinkle toes]

Same as me LL .

[ChelseaHarvey]

I think if my OH had a drunken kiss with someone then i could forgive although it would be very hard and id make them sweat for abit

If they however slept with someone else or had a affair with someone then i wouldnt forgive and would never get back with them! THATS JUST ME

However i know couples where 1 has cheated and slept with someone or started a affair and it has come out and they are still together, although they are very paroinoid when going out and its always in the back of there minds

[Crazyfool]

I guess every situation is different and maybe if it happened i would react differently.

Initial reaction to cheating of ANY kind.... its over !


Here here :yes: had it done to me in the past soooooo many times needless to say it was a sure way to destruction . Now I would never take someone back after that .

[Abbie]

I suppose it's easy for me to say having never been in the situation, but I think it would be the end of our marriage if he ever did

I think a drunken one night stand is different to a full blown affair, but I'd find it extremely difficult to forgive.

[bluecow]

I think some relationships can, some can't and you don't know which category you fit in to until you are in that situation.

I also think that an affair is as a result of a problem in a marriage not the cause of it.

[Fantasseee]

Well the fact that my parents are soon to celebrate their 40 year wedding anniversary makes me think that yep, relationships certainly can survive affairs, even long term ones and more than one! they are living proof :wik:

[dora the ex...]

it wouldnt for me a kiss/anything behind my back and it would be by bye from me...it would be on my mind all the time..

[curvyfairy]

My OH got back with his ex 3 month into our relationship but it was so early on we got back together and have been together for 7 year now :clap: . I trust him and i dont think he'd do everything like that again

Carriexx

[Cherrypie]

I think some relationships can. But mine couldn't. My DH knows my feeling on this - so I think if he was unfaithful he'd be as good as saying the relationship didn't mean much to him IYSWIM.

[Annie Goolahey]

Yes...but it is damned hard work.

All I can say is that anyone who says "ooooh, I'm be right out the door" has probably never been in that situation. I used to think that too (and feel that way now, but he has has his warning!).

Our incident was 8 years ago. It was a kiss and a letter that I found written to the slapper (and yes, she was a slapper, I met her...I'm not making him blameless).

We went through six months of hell, and there are existing trust issues in our relationship now. I know it has dented my self esteem. Sometimes I feel like his consolation prize BUT, most of the time we are happy and we are, in many ways, stronger for the test.

[racqy-rooster]

Dh and I have dicussed this, and we both said that if either of us ever contemplated seeing someone else we would admit to it and the marriage would be over.

Don't get me wrong before we were married I was not the most angelic of people, but when we got married we knew this was for life, and I would never ever put Ellis through something as decitful as an affair.

[Cailín Deas]

I can't speak for anyone else's relationship but mine would definitely be over.

If I took him back, I would have myself driven demented every time he walked out the door, wondering what he was doing. Besides, I know I would never be able to sleep with him again, so what would be the point?

[tekkencat]

Nope - simple as

TC
xx

[Peridot]

I can't speak for anyone else's relationship but mine would definitely be over.

If I took him back, I would have myself driven demented every time he walked out the door, wondering what he was doing. Besides, I know I would never be able to sleep with him again, so what would be the point?


Yup - this is exactly the same as I feel - I would not be able to look at my DH in the same way ever again if I even thought he was capable of this. Actually I am just sat next to DH and discussing this now and neither of us can imagine staying together should this happen!

[elle]

Some people can work it out. One of my best mates boyfs had a fling but they got thru it, got married and have kids and now live in France. I think it took a while for them to get back on track.
I would find it very hard to forgive and ever trust him again, and my dh would never forgive me if it was the other way round.

elle

[Teresa]

I really don't think I would be able to work it out if I found out that my H had had an affair or had slept with someone else. I don't think I would ever be able to trust him again and would drive myself mad wondering what he was doing everytime he went out.

We have talked about this and we both have the same view in that the marriage would be over if we ever found out that the other had been unfaithful.

I have the opinion that if you really love someone and want to be with them, then you won't be unfaithful to them.

[gillyf]

It would be over. My ex cheated was forgiven x 2 then on his 3rd attempt i kicked him into touch. It takes so long to rebuild trust and he was basically just taking the pee. He never thought i'd go through with leaving him. I think you can get the trust back but you need to make sure they are worth the effort. My DH knows my history and if he did it it would be over. Once bitten twice shy.

[CutieMcpretty]

Hi,

I know a friends husband had 2 affairs she knew about and 1 she didn't. Her and her husband got together after she had an affair with him then they got married.

After all that they are still together. So looks like that one has survived in they are still married, not sure how the relationship side of things is they have kids and that so maybe just together for that.

I have to say I am single and like others we all have pasts but I am faithful and committed to one person in a relationship / marriage and cheating is just not acceptable.....

Like most no thats it. But I think we would all react different if we were in the situation.

[CutieMcpretty]

I have the opinion that if you really love someone and want to be with them, then you won't be unfaithful to them.

This is so true and thats the way it should be