I cant do this anymore. [Archive]

Chocolate Lips

03-05-2006, 11:41am

Isabel was up all night last night, she went from wanting her dummy, to crying, to being wide awake and babbling, and I was up all night, as was OH. I have a stinking cold so that makes me feel worse, but it ended in my sitting on the bed crying my eyes out at 5am this morning.

I havent had a nights sleep in over 3 weeks now and its getting too much for me. I know I have got to go cold turkey on the dummy but I just cant bring myself to do it as I know how painful it is going to be for all of us. Even during the day, the minute it isnt there she freaks out.

In the early hours this morning I was even sitting their thinking, why on earth did I do this to myself, wasnt my life better before.

I do love her and definately want more babies but I just dont feel that I can cope anymore if I have another night like last night.

DKNI

03-05-2006, 11:52am

Just wanted to send you :hugs: its tough when you are feeling ill and the LO still wants/needs attention. I have been there with the morning sickness etc.

Can I ask why you need to go cold turkey with the dummy and why do you need to do it now when you are feeling so poorly yourself?

Dylan had a dummy all the time until he was about 6-8 months and then slowly I offered it less to him or took it out of sight.

Now he is 17 months and we only use it when he is sleeping and I will eventually take it away during the night when he is asleep.

Anyway I hope you are feeling better soon and if she goes for a nap you should lie down as well if you get the chance.

Get well soon

Chocolate Lips

03-05-2006, 11:55am

Can I ask why you need to go cold turkey with the dummy and why do you need to do it now when you are feeling so poorly yourself?

Because she is waking up 6/7 times a night and all she wants is her dummy back in. I think the general consensus is to wean her off the dummy and try and soothe her another way. I dont know what else to do.

flipflop

03-05-2006, 12:00pm

Hi Joanna
This is my first post here but i couldn't read and not reply. I can't remember how old your dd is but if it were me I would give her back the dummy. If she's still not sleeping three weeks after taking it away and you are feeling so down, then just let her have it again. It doesn't mean that you have failed or that she'll never give it up in the future, just that she's probably not ready at the moment.

Dummies are a lifesaver, my two still have theirs at sleeptimes (they are 18 months) and there is no way I'm putting myself through nights of sleepless misery until they are well and truly ready to go without. You could slowly cut down dummy use in the day first, then worry about the nights.

It's not as if she'll have a dummy forever (although dh saw a child in school uniform walking along the road with a dummy in her mouth last week!!!!!).

Hope you feel better soon, tiredness makes everything seem worse.

flipflop x

Swingo

03-05-2006, 12:05pm

Is she in a moses basket/crib next to you at night JO?

Jessica takes a dummy, but will carry on nodding if it falls out, most of the time. If she wakes crying at a weird hour (like deffo she would not need a feed yet/she prob just has a little wind left), it's easy for me to reach over with one eye closed and pop it back in.

Is she teething?. Perhaps why she feels she really needs that comfort/something to 'chew' on atm.

Swingo

03-05-2006, 12:08pm

Hope you feel better soon, tiredness makes everything seem worse.

ditto... can the OH take over from her tonight as he gets home... get thyself to bed early tonight m'luvvly!.

guinness

03-05-2006, 12:08pm

poor you, sleeplessness is definitely the most trying part of this baby business, but it does get better i promise xxx
does she suck her thumb or anything? i know some people frown on that as much as dummies but at least she has control over that and can comfort herself. ben hates dummies so i dont really have anything to offer advice-wise on that score, sorry.
i know i felt like shouting at him when he was little and i was just sooooo exhausted - i hope you feel better soon xxxx

August Girl

03-05-2006, 12:08pm

racqy-rooster

03-05-2006, 12:17pm

I have no idea about the dummy but it must be so hard being woken up all the while. I read somewhere that the body needs 4 hours unbroken sleep to function properly so you must be worn out!

If it's the dummy that's the problem then it might be an idea to have 'X' amount of bad nights without it then at least you know the end will be in sight iyswim?

That is true about the 4 hours unbroken sleep.

Maybe try weaning her off the dummy during the day to start with. I did this with Ellis and made sure he only had a dummy if we needed him to nap in the day. But I know he can quite happlily fall asleep without it.

Even now at 2 he is offered a dummy for nap times, and he is not allowed to have his bedtime dummy until at least 6.30pm.

I am not yet ready to go cold turkey with Ellis probably going to wait until this xmas.

I really hope things get better for you Joanna, I know sleep deprivation is not a good thing.

Chocolate Lips

03-05-2006, 12:27pm

Hi all, thanks for all your responses.

Isabel is now in her own room which is basically when the trouble started. 3 weeks ago we decided to put her down to bed at 7.30pm with a bottle and dreamfeed her at 10.30pm. That goes really really well and she sleeps soundly until 1.30am. Then from 1.30 until 7.30 she can wake up to about 10 times, sometimes I can be in and out of bed every ten minutes all because she wants her dummy. Her dummy is there next to her but she cant quite pick it up and put it back in.

Most nights as soon as the dummy is back in she goes to sleep but if it drops out too soon she wakes up crying. Last night however after about 6 goes at this she woke up was wide awake and started crying, I held her and cuddled her for about 30 mins and she was completely flaked out, put her down and DING she wakes up again.

I havent yet started taking the dummy off her ye flipflop, thats not the problem (yet) the problem is just that she wants it and cant reach it.

When she was in our room in her crib she was only waking about once or twice a night for it, and I guess it was easier to stick back in her mouth but we moved her into her own room and she was a noisy sleeper and we also had to creep round her as she would wake up. I dont really want to move her back into our room as it feels like we are going back a step.

She is coming up to 4 months old.

*Fallen Angel*

03-05-2006, 01:06pm

We had exactly the same problem with Jess at exactly the same age as Isabel is. I have some pics of me on Xmas day looking like a zombie due to being up about 10 time a night with her. She used to drop her dummy too.

One night my mum was babysitting and when she woke up my mum went to her once, put the dummy back in and let cry. It was a turning point for us. I'm not suggesting you do this, but just wanted to tell you you're not alone.

Can you not maybe put something near her cot with your smell on? It might help keep her settled?

I kow this won't help now, but at around 6 months they learn to put the dummy back in.

Pancake01

03-05-2006, 01:14pm

Maisie used to do this with the dummy too. She'd sleep soundly (even if it fell out) until about 2 or 3, then after that she'd want it shoved back in when it fell out as she was going back to sleep. We used to play dummy wars for hours. The only way I got some sleep was to have her moses basket right by the bed, I'd lie with my head at the foot of the bed, so I could plug the dummy back in straight away - this way she wouldn't wake up completely. We would do this for about 2 or 3 hours and then she'd go back to sleep properly at around 5/6/7. Yes, it was knackering. All I can suggest is to go to bed as early as you can so you get some unbroken sleep before she starts doing it. It does pass - Maisie still needs the dummy for going to sleep, but she isn't bothered if it falls out in the night now. Even if she does wake up, she'll use her thumb or find the dummy herself. I think Maisie is about 6 weeks older than Isabel.

Daffodil

03-05-2006, 01:24pm

Does she go to sleep by herself, or do you put her in her cot asleep? When my youngest was 4 months, we used to put her in her cot and either me or DH would sit with her until she went to sleep, not picking her up, just stroking her back. The idea was that she would learn to go to sleep by herself, and then if she woke in the night she would just get herself back to sleep.

If all else fails, then console yourself with the thought that soon she'll be able to put the dummy back in herself, so this is a short term problem and things will get better!

Daffodil

Chocolate Lips

03-05-2006, 01:36pm

No, on most occassions I put her straight down after her bottle at 7.30pm and she is awake for a bit but goes to sleep on her own.

Elle Driver

03-05-2006, 01:50pm

ah honey. sympathies. leila can sometimes be really really agitated, you know how they get all mechanical and jittery and sort of 'body pop' for want of a better word!? and the only thing that settles her is a dummy BUT..the other morning i put her up for a nap, knowing full well she was very tired, not wet/poohy, had been feed etc etc and i played the dummy run up and down the stairs for about half anhour thenjust thought F*** this, i had ruby down here wanting breakfast, the next delivery man had arrived, i was hungry too so i thought i'll let her cry until iget up there...and she then fell asleep without it. So now i'm only offering her a dummy when it is really absolutley the only thing that will settle her - and then try and take it out as she's dropping off to sleep so she gets used to the idea of it not being in her mouth as she's going into deep sleep iyswim?

I am probably more relaxed about letting her cry as i'm a 2nd timer and i appreciate that i would not have let ruby cry half asmuch as i do with Leila (altho half the time i physically dont have the time/possibility to be in twoplaces at once!). i think it IS worth the heartache of 2-3 days and no sleep, in order that Isobel learns to self settle.

Selfish as it may seem, i really am not in for the traipsing up and down the stairs each night/through the night until 6 months when they can possible find it themselves. This is not always true though as my sisters little one still drops her dummy halfway through the night at 2 and a half years old and my sis still has to go in as she's in too deep a sleep to wake up but is not comforted enough to go back to sleep without it, so cue major moaning and weeping in her sleep. sorry, bit jumbled up that, but hope yswim!

good luck though, i know its hard isn't it.

PVx

Wardygirl

03-05-2006, 02:50pm

:hugs: Can't offer any advice but just wanted to send you loads of hugs!

Calamity

03-05-2006, 02:55pm

Sorry to hear that Isobel is keeping you up honey:flowers:

Lorna always used to wake up around 4am when she was roughly Isobel's age. OH or I would rush into the kitchen and make up a bottle while the other (usually me) sobbed "I can't take much more of this". One night we were both so knackered that we both refused to get up and after about 10 minutes of her crying she went back to sleep. The next night she woke up at 4am and we consciously decided again not to move and she fell asleep. On the third night she slept right through and didn't wake up till around 6.30am :wink:

I have a feeling that Isobel is waking out of habit more than waking because her dummy has fallen out. I know it's hard trying to ignore their cries but she has to learn that mummy and daddy won't always come when she cries. It's worth a shot at least.

J.x

shining star

03-05-2006, 05:38pm

I agree with PV and Jane.......hard and all as it is, I really believe that letting her cry a bit and not running to her every time, will really help her learn to self-settle without the dummy. With Dylan, we let him cry when he woke for two nights, and he never woke up crying in the night again. Its hard to do, but will be SO worth it. You must be utterly exhausted, I know I was after only 7 weeks of him waking during the night!!

shining star

03-05-2006, 05:38pm

flipflop

03-05-2006, 07:22pm

Joanna, I'm sorry I totally misunderstood your post; I thought you were talking about getting an older child off a dummy.
As I now see your dd is only 4 months my advice is the opposite! I would do what shining star suggests and let her learn to cry and self settle.

Evie and Joe had dummies from the start and at four months I was in pieces after no sleep all that time. The worst night ever was when we had to go in 16 times, and we were regularly woken up to 10 times a night. IT DOES GET BETTER THOUGH!!!!

Once I weaned them (quite early at 4 months) they slept better, and although I know the advice is to wait till 6 months but I made an executive decision for myself. Evie was hardly waking at all by 6 months (only eight weeks away from where you are now). My two also started getting teeth from four months and I'm sure this affected their sleep.

If I were to do things differently now, I would have let them cry a bit more, but I always dreaded one waking the other so would rush in to replace the dummy. It means that at 18 months they still shout out and cry for us to fetch their dummies if they fall out of the cots.

Daytime dummies were easier for me to wean them off, especially once they started sitting and could play with toys a bit more, but they were nearly one before we had no daytime dummies at all.

At four months they had me run ragged and I felt like I had a dark cloud over me for the first six months which was excessive tiredness, but life gradually got easier and now it's a doddle. I could even imagine another baby, and that is something I NEVER thought I'd say.

I really feel for you, but hang on in there, things really will get better.

flipflop x

cheeky_biscuit

03-05-2006, 08:42pm

aw Jo, just wanted to say I think we've all been there, the sleep deprivation is torture.
Hope she settles down for you, it WILL get better and then it'll all be a distant memory

dora the ex...

03-05-2006, 08:46pm

aww poor you i totally know what you are going through pm me if you want hun...i have had nearly 3 weeks with hardly any sleep..things will get better i know its hard at the min take care hope your ok xx carrie

Biba

03-05-2006, 08:54pm

:hugs: Jo we have lost quite a bit of sleep in the last few nights too so I know how you are feeling. Have you though about trying to replace the dummy with something else to comfort her? like a Teddy or blanket? maybe you could introoduce something else and once she has got used to it wean her off the dummy that way she still has some kind of comforter?

I say this because Jack has been taking his dummy less but in the past few days he has been grabing hold of cloth things and cuddling them so i thoght i might try and get him a blanket that way when we move him to his own room hopefully we won't have to run downsatirs in the middle of the night all the time.

Azana

03-05-2006, 09:01pm

Blonde Girl

03-05-2006, 09:35pm

I know nothing about dummies - but I do remember the despair of sleep deprivation - and will be there again soon no doubt. Just wanted to say hugs and do whatever to survive don't worry about the rights and wrongs.

Snap Az!!

Joanna your post brought tears to my eyes for you as sleep deprivation is THE worst. Like Azana's LO Dan was a shocker for sleeping and I remember that horrible feeling of 'why did I do this?' so so so well.

He didn't have a dummy at all so can't help there, but just wanted to offer you hugs and fingers crossed that she learns ti find her dummy herself soon.

Lots of love and sympathy winging your way.

Elle Driver

04-05-2006, 09:46am

great minds i just came on to see how you are too J x

i bowed to the powers of the dummy last night, and just now to settle her for a nap :rolleyes:

I said to mr pv last night i'm going to let her have it, albeit as infrequently as i can get away with!, until about 3 months then we'll have to reassess.

so will be following your progress hun with my own agenda; i might be in your situ in a few weeks time eh :sigh:

PVx

Chocolate Lips

04-05-2006, 10:24am

Hi girles, thanks for asking! Well I put her to sleep at 8pm where she slept soundly, till 11pm when I did her dreamfeed - she didnt flinch and went back to sleep okay - both times her dummy wasnt in, it was next to her but she had fallen asleep before she realised she wanted it! and she woke at 6am this morning wide awake which wasnt bad seeing as we had all had a good nights sleep!

No getting up in the night last night however I did cheat, I gave her a dose of Medised at her 11pm feed as she had been a bit grizzly on the bottle, so I think that helped her sleep - bad mummy. However I feel a whole lot more refreshed today, if it wasnt for this damn cold I would be bouncing around!

Mad Madam Mim

04-05-2006, 11:59am

Oh Joanna

Just seen this - I didn't realise you were having such a hard time. :hugs: I see you had a better sleep last night whcih is great.

I remember this age and I had a shocking time with the sleep deprivation and it completely wipes you out and makes you feel drained and useless. I'm glad you had some sleep now. We had the dummy thing too and we persevered with it (though I almost wish we hadn't!! - it doesn't bother me too much but he is very dependant)

I can only echo what others have said in that I would let her keep the dummy (but I would say that it's what I did) and honestly it WILL get better (it really will :flowers: )

In the meantime here's a little wave for you for support:
:mexicanwave:

(how funky is that smiley?!)

Biba

04-05-2006, 12:48pm

Glad you had a better nights sleep Jo

Cherrypie

04-05-2006, 02:24pm

Glad you had a better nights sleep, Jo.

Sleep deprivation is a killer - quite literally. It's also used as a form of torture when interrogating prisoners :shock: . I guess what I'm trying to say is don't feel bad for feeling that you're struggling due to lack of sleep.
I personally think that the first few weeks of motherhood can be the hardest - purely for the constant lack of uninterrupted sleep.

It does get better - and easier as sleep patterns become more organised.

Often a good way to manage in the meantime is to arrange some sort of rota system with your DH, so that you're not both up all night.

Also take it easy during the day, so that you can do the oft advised 'sleep when they sleep'.

Hugs to you. xx

Blonde Girl

04-05-2006, 09:18pm

No getting up in the night last night however I did cheat, I gave her a dose of Medised at her 11pm feed as she had been a bit grizzly on the bottle, so I think that helped her sleep - bad mummy. However I feel a whole lot more refreshed today, if it wasnt for this damn cold I would be bouncing around!

I am a horrific mummy too then Joanna as I must confess to giving Dan it on occasion when we have just had one two many bad nights in a row so we can all get some more sleep and start again a lot more refreshed.

You sound a lot better today, which I am really pleased to hear.

Chocolate Lips

04-05-2006, 09:30pm

I am a horrific mummy too then Joanna as I must confess to giving Dan it on occasion when we have just had one two many bad nights in a row so we can all get some more sleep and start again a lot more refreshed.

You sound a lot better today, which I am really pleased to hear.

I feel much better today Cathy, its amazing what a good nights sleep does for you!

I am glad I am not the only bad mummy then!!